Blue Rose

*Potentially depressing and disturbing topics*  An August. There is something in this month that makes my condition way worse, nothing related to curent events- it simply happens that I lose that little will and inspiration I have and that I usually spend whole month thinking that it was way more than enough and it's about time to give it all up, yet nothing helps me to feel better. Every year in August I come to some way of self-destruction which more or less leaves the consequences or at least memory of that ( just to mention that I actually have problem with memory last few years and curently can't remember most of the things from my life, but I still remember some things in small details), I even almost died in August at several occasions. Here I first think of 2013th (described on the beginning of the story "Scale of sanity"), same as 2016th (it still was September the 1st, that's how it's written in note,  but it was followed by an August filled

*Potencijalno depresivne i uznemirujuće teme*  Avgust. Postoji nešto u ovom mesecu što mi jako pogorša stanje, nevezano za trenutne događaje- jednostavno mi se desi da mi i to malo volje i nadahnuća prosto ispari i da obično skoro ceo mesec provedem u razmišljanju da je bilo i više nego dosta i da je krajnje vreme da odustanem, a ništa mi ne pomaže da mi bude bolje. Svake godine u avgustu dođem do nekog vida samouništenja koji mi manje ili više ostavi posledice ili barem sećanje na to (čisto da napomenem da ja zapravo imam problema sa pamćenjem poslednjih nekoliko godina i trenutno se ne sećam poprilično stvari iz života, ali ipak pamtim ponešto i to u detalje), čak sam u nekoliko navrata umalo i umrla u avgustu. Ovde prvenstveno mislim na dve-hiljade trinaestu godinu (opisano je na početku priče "Skala razuma"), kao i na dve-hiljade šesnaestu (ipak je u pitanju bio prvi septembar, tako mi piše u pismu, ali mu je predhodio čitav avgust ispunjen nervnim slomovima).