Disharmonized harmony

I wanted to write about some different topics, but I wondered why anyone would care about my views of the world when every person in the world has their own opinion. It is well known that I am someone who rarely expresses my opinion - not because I don't have it, I really do, but I always think about how my statement can affect others and in which direction that reaction can go. Let's be honest, it's not always a good thing because people like me then start to be afraid of any kind of communication as they think it will hurt or insult someone, make someone angry ... I want that imaginary harmony so much that I don't say almost anything anymore, but then all around me I see arguments and misunderstandings, so I wonder why all this, why do people spend time on things they don't like instead of supporting what they like with the same passion?
 
 I noticed that I have significantly moved away from the world, I can easily say that I am in this world only temporarily and that I actually exist only in my imaginary world, don't understanding anything anymore. If I didn't have this interest in psychology I would probably completely lose contact with people because I'm not even able to talk to someone without anixety, and this way I'm at least interested in the psychology of society as a whole and how certain events affect the individual's psyche, so it keeps me within the borders of this world. I have a feeling that I am slowly but surely going crazy, maintaining an apparent harmony with sedatives because nothing has to spoil that disharmonized harmony, expressing dissatisfaction is not desirable because it never fits into other people's plans. Sarcasm, of course, when the body is falling apart so much it means that it really can't continue in that direction anymore, but I'm one of those who take care of others first, then what's left is for me. As it seems, I will not be left neither for them nor for myself, it is a miracle that I lasted this long considering everything I did. I just hope that the mentioned sedatives will keep my worst side, I don't want to ever hurt others because that would be the complete opposite of my philosophy of life - understanding and equality are the path to harmony. The hell with that harmony when those who create chaos will always be louder, harmony cannot be created aggressively because then it loses its meaning.

 P.S. It can be noticed that I made corrections on the blog, wattpad profile and booksie ( I have to post issuu versions again anyway, but that will wait until next year if everything goes well, I can't plan in the long run).