Blue Rose

Sometimes it is impossible to turn an abstract thought or feeling into sentences that should be served to others as an explanation. My explanations turn into a too long whole in which I become oblivious of the spoken (hand to heart, that's what it looks like in my brain, so many thoughts are constantly intertwined that I've completely lost it), and lately I prefer not to explain anything, anyway, nor am I sure that anyone will understand the point, nor do I want to argue, nor do I have anything to say. There's no easy way to stop something, maybe because of my principle of stepping aside when the feeling tells me something's wrong makes me look like a coward, but the only reason I think I really am a coward is that I allow other people's desires and needs to influence me. I should have listened to myself from the beginning, not to be indulged by those who were my authority at the time. I am not a saint, I do not consider myself a good person nor do I think of introd...

  Ponekad je nemoguće pretvoriti apstraktnu misao ili osećanje u rečenice koje bi kao objašnjenje trebalo servirati drugima. Moja objašnjenja se pretvore u predugu celinu u kojoj postanem nesvesna izgovorenog (ruku na srce, tako izgleda i u mom mozgu, toliko misli neprestano biva isprepletano da sam se skroz pogubila), te u poslednje vreme preferiram da ne objašnjavam ništa, ionako niti sam sigurna da će neko razumeti poentu, niti želim rasprave, niti imam šta da kažem. Nema lakog načina da se nešto prekine, možda zbog svog principa da se sklonim kad mi osećaj kaže da nešto nije u redu ispadnem kao kukavica, ali jedino zbog čega mislim da stvarno jesam kukavica je što dozvoljavam željama i potrebama drugih ljudi da utiču na mene. Trebalo je da slušam sebe od početka, a ne da udovoljim onima koji su mi u to vreme predstavljali autoritete. Nisam svetica, ne smatram sebe dobrom osobom niti mi pada na pamet da se drugima predstavim tako, ja lično verujem da dobro i zlo ne postoje već d...