Crimson Blue Snow (2021) - full story
The story is not suitable to age under 16, it contains disturbing and depressing scenes. The purpose of the story is not to offend anyone but to address certain topics through its content, primarily the topic of discrimination against different groups of people. The lyrics of the mentioned songs belong to the bands that perform them.
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25.12.2020 (on the day of the 25th birthday)
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25.12.2020 (on the day of the 25th birthday)
Part I- "La Voix"
"Silence. In every corner of my room came silence, but the paranoia I felt made me hear dozens of things; Am I imagining it or are they real? I let the music fill the space, trying not to think about what might be on the outside and concentrating only on those tunes from the speakers, as well as my own tune that came from my vocal cords side by side. It's not good, I hear it - thank you very much, paranoia. What an epic fool I am, I can't even practice normally. I don't know what I'm afraid of, why am I so scared of singing? Um, it must have something to do with expressing emotions and thoughts - singing is a "vent" for everything that's inside, and I've never been good at showing emotions, I've always kept quiet about things like that. When I think of it, it's always been like that, I've kept my mouth shut about everything. I'm afraid to speak. Anything I say can and will be used against me, like in a courtroom. I'm all alone within a hundred meters radius, but I'm just as scared as when someone's around. How to alleviate this anixety?"
Amadea started singing timidly, even though she knew her trained voice was more than pleasant to listen to. She was more lying to herself that maybe one day she'd be part of a band where she could show everything she can do, but the years went by and nothing changed. Those forty-five minutes of music were supposed to be an escape from reality, but in fact they became even more stress, yet she wouldn't give it up. What kind of artist must live under eternal fear? Perpetually dissatisfied, as art means freedom. If there is no freedom of expression, his soul loses its essence that keeps it alive and begins to shut down. Amadea felt it was happening to her, too, she had no other option but to calmly wait for her spark to be extinguished.
Amadea started singing timidly, even though she knew her trained voice was more than pleasant to listen to. She was more lying to herself that maybe one day she'd be part of a band where she could show everything she can do, but the years went by and nothing changed. Those forty-five minutes of music were supposed to be an escape from reality, but in fact they became even more stress, yet she wouldn't give it up. What kind of artist must live under eternal fear? Perpetually dissatisfied, as art means freedom. If there is no freedom of expression, his soul loses its essence that keeps it alive and begins to shut down. Amadea felt it was happening to her, too, she had no other option but to calmly wait for her spark to be extinguished.
She'd look out the window the vehicles and the people who would pass by, never wanting to come into contact with any of them. With headphones in her ears she'd sit by the glass doors, sometimes on the stairs in front of the house, and think. She imagined how she would answer questions that no one would ask her and how she would act in situations that would never happen, she would occupy herself for hours with that- the time that someone else would spend interacting with other people. Indeed, all the people she needed to interact with were in her music library, they were voices she always wanted to hear, voices from which she was not afraid of but that brought her peace.
Meanwhile, in a nearby town; A girl with short blue dyed hair sits in front of her computer and listens to music, her brother comes in. Girl: "What is it, Mishko, something annoyed you, huh? (laughs)" Brother: "Don't make fun of me, Beata, and don't call me Mishko - you know it annoys me. Call me Michelle by name." Beata: Okay, Mickey, come on, say what's going on." Michelle: "That fool Carlo suddenly changed his mind and left the band! Now when we're supposed to find someone for the lyrics that fool decided he doesn't want to sing anymore! Hell yeah how smart he is!" Beata (looks at him): "There are singers all around, you'll find a replacement and you've solved it." Michelle: "To find a hard-rock or metal singer just like that? If I put on an ad, it's going to take me hundred years to find someone who fits at least closely, I'm going to get a call from some who don't know the difference between pop-rock and hard-rock music or who don't even know what metal is and..." Beata: "Just take it easy, we'll find someone to replace Carlos. I have a feeling we won't be looking for too long. (gets up and puts on a black leather jacket) I promised that friend of mine, Fernanda, that I'd go get a package up to a village, she's going to go somewhere with her boyfriend." Michelle: "See, even Fernanda has found a boyfriend and seems she's going to get engaged soon. How about you, is there any boyfriend?" Beata (eye-roll): "Yes, I'm seeing ten guys at the same time! Don't fool around, sit there, listen to Slayer and calm your nerves, and I've got work to do. (goes out)"
Beata sits on her bike and head to where she was supposed to get the package from. She swerved into the wrong street, losing direction for a moment. She stopped near a modest house to check on her phone which way she should go, but then the sound coming from the house distracted her. There was the sound of her favorite genre- metal, so she completely forgot what she was looking for, quickly pulled herself together and continued to search the name of the street. Then, along with the singer's voice, there was another voice, only this one was live. Beata turned around and quietly said, "Uh... She's good! I could listen to her all day, I fell in love at the first listen. (closes eyes and took a breath) The package's not going anywhere, I'm just going to enjoy it a little bit more before I go."
After about ten minutes the music stopped, so she started the motorbike and headed to her destination, a little cranky that she didn't get to see the person she was listening to before. She was trying to concentrate on the task she had to do, so she didn't want to stay longer.
Amadea hears a passing motorbike and, through a half-open door, check if someone has come to them, a postman or someone else. There was no one, so she just yelled at the dog to stop barking and go back inside.
As evening slowly approached, Beata rushed home with a package for her friend.
Part II- "Caged"
Night, two o'clock; Amadea wakes up after a nightmare and decides not to go back to sleep, so just start thinking about different things. At the time Beata was also thinking, but about the girl she heard yesterday; She imagined how a girl with that voice might look like, is she like some gentle fairy or a dangerous strong woman that no one can mess up with? She was regarded as the second one - with her piercings, tattoos and hair that stood out with her bright royal-blue coloured hair she seemed like a tomboy to most of people, although she herself didn't think she was much of a feminine person. She had this gentle side, she just rarely showed it, she didn't feel the need to do it when this suited her better. And that girl from yesterday... Um... How tall is she? Does she have long hair or short hair, what color is her hair? How about her eyes? A hundred ideas went through her head, keeping her awake at a time when she should have been asleep a long time ago.
Morning, eight o'clock. Beata and Michelle have breakfast. Michelle: "Did you manage on those streets?" Beata: "Barely, but lucky there's navigation. (imagine)" Michelle: "What are you so quiet about, don't think too much- you might get some weird idea! (laugh)" Beata: "I heard a girl singing so I thought of something... It doesn't matter." Michelle: "What girl?" Beata: "I stopped on my bike to see where to go, so I heard her singing a metal song. I don't know which band it is, some with female vocals." Michelle: "Wait, wait... It may be a stupid idea, but maybe she can replace Carlo, if you say it sounds good, then I believe you. What do you say we try it?" Beata: "Yes, I go to her home and say, " Hey, like, come on to my brother's band, no big deal that I see you for the first time in my life and I don't know anything about you, but it doesn't matter at all!" " Michelle: "There you go, you can do it!" Beata: "No, I can't! Dude, you're such a fool. You want me to go over there and say that? I may be a fool, but you're even bigger." Michelle: "Give the address, I'll go." Beata: "Sit there and don't fool around. I'm going to go over there, check it out and tell you how things are, okay? In return, you'll be cleaning the house for a month." Michelle: "Whoa, it's a lot!" Beata: "If I can embarrass myself way too much, you can clean up too. (brings him a broom and hands it to him) You can start slowly. (heading to door) And don't let the crumbs on the floor, I'll check!" Michelle: "Yes, yes... (continues complaining as Beata closes the door and heads for the bike)"
She arrived around noon, nervously getting off her bike and heading for the gate. How to start a conversation? What if that person doesn't live there? What if it wasn't a person singing at all, but there was some internet video or something? She realized how bad idea this was, but it was too late. A person dressed in unsightly clothes and with an old hat on her head approached, even more nervous than Beata. She was shaking with fear, but she still came up and greeted her politely. Beata greeted back, a little surprisingly looking at her. At first she thought it was an older person, but then she notices that behind that hat is a person who's her age, so she wouldn't understand anything anymore. Is it possible it's the girl from yesterday? Sure it's not her...
Beata (starts a conversation): "I am... Okay, this is going to be stupid, I know... I heard a person singing yesterday and it was so awesome to me. (girl turns pale) I know it sounds stupid, please don't think I'm some crazy woman. I mean, I'm crazy, but... uh... Yeah. I'll get to the point. Who was that person? I want to talk to her." Amadea: "I've been practicing singing. (looks away) I didn't know it was so loud, I usually make sure no one hears me. (quietly) And there's a new dose of paranoia." Beata (surprised): "Wait, it's impossible for me to match your voice and what I've heard... You're so quiet! Was there anyone else with you or..." Amadea (scared, close to crying): "No, just me. (dog doesn't stop barking, she turns to him) Enough, Rex, you smashed my head with your barking!!!. Beata (surprised): "That is you! Why the hell would you be afraid someone wouldn't hear you? You're great, man! Were you in a band or something?" Amadea (still scared): "Never. I'm just practicing like this. I'm not one for bands, at least not anymore. It's for some other people, it's not for the ones like me. Thanks for the praise anyway, it means to me." Beata (sigh): "Wait, you're going to let that voice go to waste? Listen, I came to ask you if you're free and if you want to be in my brother's metal band, he searches for a vocal and he doesn't feel like getting some vocal from other parts of the country, they had this singer who lived far away and it didn't work out, he didn't come to rehearsals so nothing could be done... (imagines) Look what a fool I am, I didn't even introduce myself. I'm Beata, and you?" Amadea: "Amadea. I wish I could, but I don't know how feasible that would be right now... It was the greatest wish of my life but now that so much time has passed, I know I'm no longer capable of such a thing. You'd just lose your nerves on me, and I don't have what it takes to attract an audience. Besides, you see what I look like, I'm ashamed to exist. (refrains from crying) Thank you for the offer, but I have to look at the situation objectively and not waste your time." Beata: "If he wanted a beauty where most of the front rows would stare at their chest and completely ignore the music he'd find one right away, it's a serious band that wants to make authorial things. (writes down phone number) If you change your mind, I'm here, call me or write, whatever's easier for you. (heading to the bike, but stops for a moment) Do you go out anywhere, you know- clubs, cafes, parks and stuff?" Amadea: "I'm not going anywhere. I rarely leave the house and rarely talk to people. It's better for everyone." Beata (gulped): "Just... sitting there and having no contact with people at all? Is it possible to live like that?" Amadea: "To live no, to survive yes." Beata (nods): ,,That's a pitty. All kinds of fools walk freely, full of themselves, and your life passes in the house, away from everyone. (sits on the bike) I doubt you'll want to be in a band, but the number's there if you want to. The decision is up to you."
The motorbike slowly drifted away and Amadea with her head down went back to the house.
In the evening, the café; Michelle sits next to Beata and starts questioning: "Did you find her? What's she like, is she a hot chick?" Beata (eye-rolled): "Idiot, that's the only thing you think about. I found her, talked to her, gave her my contact phone number, just... (sighs) the situation is a little specific." Michelle: "What, is she married and with children, or that she's a child herself so mom and dad wouldn't let her?" Beata: "No, she's my age, from what I've noticed she's not married and has no children." Michelle: "If it wasn't some disease, or..." Beata: "Uh... Luckily, it's not something that would physically limit her, but something's definitely wrong. She's literally in isolation, she's not going anywhere... She says she's not for the band, that she's not attractive enough." Michelle: "Well, is she?" Beata: "Does it matter?" Michelle: "Well, it matters. The audience also likes the visual part, you know?" Beata (looking at him angrily): "Go to clubs and ask for one of those then! That girl obviously has severe self-esteem issues, she's literally hiding from people for things like that!" Michelle: "I'm not going to argue with you, obviously it's not going to happen so we don't have to waste time on that..." Beata (stops him): "Wait, who said it wasn't going to happen? She hasn't said if she wants to..." Michelle: "What she has to say, here- I say it's not what we need. If she calls say we found someone real quick, though I doubt she'll call you. There's no need to waste time on some lunatic who, as I conclude in your words, has really lost her mind." Beata (furiously rising): If you weren't my brother, I'd beat the hell out of you right now, this way I'm just going to tell you to go to hell. (furiously leaving)"
She sat on a bench outside the café and thought about Amadea. Something intrigued her so much, at the same time wanting to get to know her better and knowing it was probably an impossible mission. She always loved eccentric people, outcasts of society, even though she wasn't too social she enjoyed meeting the world of a person who had completely new views and thoughts. There was a lot to learn from them, a lot of issues to make you start thinking. Similar thoughts were in Amadea's head, only with more concern and remorse; She regrets that she had to say no to the only thing she wanted in life, and Beata still caught her attention at first sight. She didn't get a chance to meet metalheads like herself often, and Beata completely left her breathless with her appearance. She couldn't believe that such a person had even come to her gate, let alone invite her into a band; It seemed like a dream, but not one that leaves you at peace, but one after which you wake up upset and think all day about what it might mean. The weight on her lungs left her broken, ashamed of herself she was solving her long-standing dilemma in her head- how long should she keep doing this? Maybe it's right time to give up and let those who can give this world something to do great things, when she couldn't do any more than this. There was no way out of the impasse, and behind her was a maze from which she tried to get out a countless times, but she was just losing herself inside even more. As much as she hated giving up she had a feeling that this time she had to finally let the wind blow her spark into the void.
Part III: "Fade to black"
At breakfast Beata avoided communicating with Michelle. Michelle: "Earth calls Beata, hello! What's the matter with you since yesterday?" Beata (furious): "You know damn well." Michelle: "Because of what I said? Come on, forget it, I'm not going to argue about some girl! Are you angry that I made you go there?" Beata: "I'm angry about you underestimating her and you haven't even heard or seen her!" Michelle: "You told me enough to know that all this is not for her. Let her sing around the house how much she wants, we need a serious vocal, not Cinderella who sings while cleaning and cooking." Beata (finishes her meal): "I'm leaving." Michelle: "Where are you going again?" Beata: "I don't know where or when I'll be back, don't wait for me."
She was at Fernanda's house for a while and after that she took her bike out of town. Something was dragging her to see Amadea again.
Amadea was alone in the house that day. She fed the animals, dressed in slightly newer, all-black clothes and headed for the bus stop, from where she took the bus to a nearby place. The sky, meanwhile, darkened so much that it was obvious that the rain would start any minute, but she didn't care at all. She didn't need an umbrella, she didn't need anything anymore.
She reached the bridge under which there was a great river. As she approached the middle of the river the downpour was falling stronger, soaking her clothes with raindrops, as well as her neatly tied hair which took on a darker hue. Everything was deserted around her, so with less fear she put her foot on the fence, then the other one, but she tripped when she put her foot on the other bar of the fence as it was slippery because of the rain, she felt down and hit onto the pavement on the bridge. "Don't think it's going to stop me from this."- she thought and tried again, this time more carefully. The motorbike stopped behind her.
Beata (gets off the bike): "Hey, stop! I'm not going to let you do that, you hear me?! Wait a minute... Amadea? What are you doing here? I mean, it's more than clear what you're doing, the question is- why?" Amadea (scared): "Don't worry, Miss Beata... It's about time to finish with this." Beata: "Don't persuade me, it's somehow too official. Come with me, you'll catch cold if you keep standing in this downpour. I don't want to hear "no" in response, clear?" Amadea: "I can't torture everyone around me anymore, I'm a mockery and I'm good for nothing... Let me go, don't waste your time on such a fool who's incapable of living." Beata (huggs her): "Don't talk like that, I'm sure that's not true. I want to get to know you better and you're taking that opportunity away from me - you're really not fair! (takes the helmet off the bike) Put this on and hold on to me." Amadea (keeps her head down): "No, I won't bother you and waste your time... Thank you." Beata (puts a helmet on her head and make her sit down): "Come on, there's no way I'm going to leave you here! Let's go to my house, you hold on tight. Don't even think about letting go on purpose." Amadea: "It wouldn't even occur to me, but thanks for the idea." Beata: "You wouldn't have died, you'd just hit so hard that you'd be dragged to hospital for nothing. The moral of story- Don't let go, okay?" Amadea (catches gently): "I won't cause you any trouble, though you really don't have to bother..." Beata (takes her arms and tightens her waist with them): "That's better, hold on tightly. Let's go!"
They went into the house after driving in the downpour. Beata: "My brother Michelle won't be here, he went to a friend's birthday party. Sit down, make yourself comfortable and I'll find some clothes to wear, we're both wet. (goes to the room and brings a T-shirt and dark pants) I see you like to wear dark, too, so I'm not going to bring you any colorful things. There's a Black Sabbath logo on the t-shirt, I hope it doesn't bother you or anything..." Amadea: "No, not at all, I listen to both them and Ozzy. My favorite song of them is "Black Sabbath," and there's also "Killing Yourself to Live." (leaves a t-shirt next to her) I'm going to go change my pants." Beata: "Wait, take the shirt too!" Amadea: "My blouse is not wet..." Beata: "I see it is, come on, get a t-shirt until the blouse dries, it won't go anywhere in that time. (smiles) Go ahead, don't be shy."
Meanwhile, Beata also changed and came to the room where Amadea was sitting nervously trying to somehow hide her arms. Beata sits next to her and notices bruises and red surfaces on her arms, as well as a few scratches. Amadea: "Sorry, I'm not used to wearing short sleeves, I haven't worn them in years." Beata: "Who hit you? What made you get these little blisters and redness?" Amadea: "I hit myself, and this is from a burn with ice and salt. I'm so embarrassed, I should have said I couldn't wear a t-shirt, not to freak you out here. I'm telling you, I'm incapable of everything." Beata (put her hand on Amadea's shoulder): "I don't mind it like this, but I'm sorry you're doing it. I want you to tell me a story. At first I wanted to know why you were locked up in the house, and now I see there's more stuff about you. You know, I'm normally a not-so-communicative person but, when I find someone interesting, then I talk and talk... I hope I don't freak you out for doing and talking everything so suddenly." Amadea: "I don't mind, it's just weird that someone's interested at me without just making fun of me. I've usually been questioned in my life to be gossiped about by the same informations." Beata: "I'm not going to do that, don't worry. Do you have any friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, someone you see in person? Or are you just spending time alone?" Amadea: "None of that. Just me and the music. And animals, if you count that." Beata: "Why are you practicing your singing if you don't already plan on doing it?" Amadea: "I used to try to make a band, but the years went by so I gave up. Now I'm practicing just to keep my voice in shape. Let's face it - I don't look like a band's vocalist, we can pretend as much as we like - but people just look at that aesthetic side as well. If it wasn't, would we have so many singers on this planet who look attractive but can't do even one octave properly? I'm not jealous of them or anyone else in my life, I'm just saying how it is." Beata (sighs): "Okay, I'm not saying you're wrong, but how do you get the idea that you look bad? You've got a few extra pounds, what now, but you're so cute. Do you like your favorite performers because of what they look like or what they sound like?" Amadea: "Definitely the second one. For some of the band singers I listen to I don't even know what they look like or I saw after hearing their music." Beata: "There you go. And I don't know if anyone's told you before, but you really are cute." Amadea (numb smile): "Like a lemon. I'm sorry, thank you. I don't know why I always have to say something sarcastic, it's a habit." Beata (laughs): "I do it too, don't worry. Sarcasm is a kind of intellectual humour, and I can tell you're a smart girl. It seems to me that we're going to have a lot of common themes and similar thinking. (smiles) Hey, are you hungry, you want some juice or coffee?" Amadea (shy): "I usually drink tea without sugar or water." Beata: "Okay, I'll make you some tea and coffee for myself, so we'll keep talking." Amadea (looks at her): "Can I help you with something?" Beata (winks): "Just sit down, I can do it all by myself. I'll be right there, make yourself comfortable."
She brought cups and continued the conversation. "What happened yesterday to bring you to this today?" Amadea: "I realized that if I'm not already worthy to do the only thing that makes me feel alive, then I don't need to be alive. It has nothing to do with your visit, it's all just a small part of the whole broken picture. It's so shattered, there's no way it's going to again be at least half of what it was, let alone to look like what it used to be." Beata (listening to her): "Do you often use metaphors in speech?" Amadea: "Quite often. Are they annoying?" Beata: "No, no... On the contrary... I'm fascinated. They sound poetic." Amadea: "It probably helps me to write, otherwise everything I write would be a load of rubbish. (shrugs) It's not like it's something special like this either, but whatever." Beata: "What are you writing? Stories, poems?" Amadea: "Some stories, lyrics, rarely a poem when I feel like it... I'm nothing special so I don't point it out." Beata (intrigued): "That sounds great! I'd love to read if it's available anywhere." Amadea (nervous): "I can send you a link where are my works. They're boring as hell, I don't recommend it." Beata (smiles): "I'll give my oppinion on that." Amadea (looks at the clock): "I should come home, my parents will worry." Beata: "They'd be more worried if you disappeared in that river, are you going to hide what happened? I'll drive you." Amadea: "I'm taking the bus, don't worry about it." Beata: "Then I'll walk you to the station and tell the driver to drive straight to your station, he can't get you out before then." Amadea (smiles slightly): "Fine. My clothes are dry, I'll change and let's go."
Beata exchanged profile names with Amadea so they could get in touch (Beata realized that Amadea was too shy to start a conversation first and asked for her profile name or phone number), which suited to Amadea because Beata impressed her as an interlocutor. She promised to text her as soon as she got home, which she did, hoping Beata wouldn't get bored of her fast. She was afraid that she had offended Beata or that she had done something wrong, so it was going through her mind that today she was very annoying and melodramatic and that Beata was trying to be nice to her but that such a great person had no chance of being friends with someone like her... Because of all those thoughts she didn't want to plan anything about Beata, worrying that after all this she probably won't even see her again.
Part IV- "One step closer"
A new day has come. Amadea was doing her standard activities when she heard the now-familiar sound of the motorbike. She grabbed her jacket and walked out, greeting Beata with a nod.
Beata: "If you're free today I want us to go somewhere, wherever you want. Yesterday's conversation ended too soon and I found it very interesting." Amadea: "I'd have to tell my parents and get ready..." Beata (wink): "I'll wait."
They went to a nearby river. Beata: "How are you doing today?" Amadea: "Same as yesterday. I'm used to it, it's nothing new." Beata: "I'd like you to get a little better. At least a little bit. I didn't want to bother you too much yesterday, I wanna talk with someone because everything bore the hell out of me... These friends of mine are married or have fiancés, I feel like a third wheel, we don't have topics to talk about. I spend time here and there with my brother and his band, just to have some company. Dude, when you get over the 25th they're annoying you with questions about boys, getting married, kids and stuff. So I'm sick of everyone. I see you're in a similar situation." Amadea: "Yes, and I agree with you. I must warn you that I am a terrible conversationalist." Beata (laughs): "Hey, talk to me about the music, about the universe, whatever you want and whatever you are interested in, just to finally have a conversation with someone other than asking me when I'm going to get married or pick-up lines from guys I really don't care about." Amadea (smiles): "Okay, don't be that I didn't warn you... I'm a morbid person who's very philosophical and I know to talk without stopping." Beata (joyous): "Well, that's what suits me! (both laughed) Now that I mention music- what are you listening to? From what I've heard, it looks like gothic metal, maybe a symphonic..." Amadea: "Symphonic most, and then other subgenres. I like diversity, I listen more to female vocals for pratice and I love bands with male singers as well, I tell you there are all kinds of subgenres. I listen to other genres of music sometimes, less than metal and hard-rock, but there are all kinds of things. You?" Beata: "I am more like some heavy and thrash metal, but I like all sorts of things. It would be boring to listen to only one thing, there's so much music in the world that it would be an injustice to limit yourself. What was the song you sang before the end? You've probably forgotten, I know it's stupid to ask, but..." Amadea (checking her phone): "I have a list of what I've been listening to recently, now I'll see what it was. (pause) "Within Temptation- Ice Queen". One of the first sympho-metal songs I learned to sing." Beata: "I'm embarrassed to ask you, but..." Amadea: "Do you want me to sing for you?" Beata (smile): "You read my mind. Please, I want to hear it again."
Amadea sang her a song, and Beata listened to her almost breathlessly. Without a word she nodded her head so Amadea started singing another song, this time with an even greater vocal range and a different singing technique. In the end, she sang to her a gentle gothic metal song that mesmerised Beata. She didn't just LIKE her voice anymore - she LOVED it. Afterwards, they talked for hours about various topics, intrigued each other. They got along in many things, at the same time having their own authentic personality that suited each other, and they knew that friendship would continue.
On their way home they arranged for Amadea to come to Beata's during the weekend, so they were both looking forward to a reunion.
The weekend's here. They went to the place where Michel's band had a rehearsal, while Beata shouted from the door: "Where the hell are you, Mishko, are you boring these friends of yours? What's my brother babbling to you now?" Michelle (nervous): "I told you not to call me Mishko. It's good to see you, too, I missed you so much. (sarcastically, notice Amadea) And who's your friend? (hand-shakes with her) I'm Michelle, (looks grumpily at Beata) not Mishko or Mickey. Michelle." Amadea (shy): "I am Amadea." Michelle: "Sit down, we'll practice. I find it strange that you've found company, Beata." Beata: "And what a company. (looks at Amadea smiling)" Michelle (approaches Amadea): "Band fan, I guess? Or maybe you saw someone in the band and... (cough)... and fell in love with him? Don't worry, little girl, we don't mind, it doesn't bother us, it even suits us."
Amadea smiles with her palm-covered lips, Beata rolled her eyes, and then they look at each other. Beata (brings the microphone to Amadea): "If you blow his head off with the "high C", I'll be eternally grateful to you." Amadea (smiles): "I'll try."
She sang without music, but that was enough to shut Michel up. Michelle (after a few seconds off when she finished): "Why didn't you immediately say you came for the singer's place in the band, instead of me embarrassing myself here? I thought all kinds of things and... Beata, you turkey, why didn't you just say you brought her here for that? Amanda..." Amadea: "Amadea." Michelle: "Yes, Amadea... As far as voice capabilities go, you're getting in the final round. As for the style... There's a lot of work to be done... I'm not going to look like I say you're not pretty or whatever, just..." Amadea: "I'm not attractive enough and my style of dress doesn't fit." Michelle: "Kind of." Beata (grabs his collar): "You really want someone to beat the hell out of you, huh?" Amadea (trying to get her away from Michel): "Don't, he's right. We knew that from the beginning. We just came in like that, I wasn't planning on getting in the band. Please don't argue about it, you're family." Beata (lets him go): "Okay. I don't want to beat you, but you'll be sorry anyway. The hardest hit to a man is when he realizes he made a mistake and he could have avoided that mistake, and you missed an opportunity." The band's drummer: "Michelle, come on, don't quibble - there's nothing wrong with her and we're missing the singer, what more do you need?" The bass player: "Personally, nothing bothers me about her, can we just start doing something as soon as possible?" Michelle (calmer): "Beata, I appreciate you trying to help me, but I said no." Beata (sneering): "Okay. No fighting, no beatings. You made the choice, it's the final decision. Amadea's right, we're family and we don't have to fight, but I don't like your actions at all. While you do the instrumental covers of other bands, I will assemble my band." Michelle (surprised): "What are you going to do? You think it goes so easily?"
Amadea: "Beata, there's no need for that, I'm just one person, don't bother looking for three or four more people so I could be a vocalist in a band... It's not that important. Here, I tried it like you wanted, but that's what it is." Beata (to Amadea): "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." Michelle: "I don't know what's gotten into you these days, so I guess you'll stop fooling around soon. Do what you want, too bad for this girl you're going to bother. (to Amadea) Good luck with her and her fixed ideas." Beata: "Good luck to you, me and her will be fine, don't worry. (they're leaving)"
Amadea: "Beata, there's no need for that, I'm just one person, don't bother looking for three or four more people so I could be a vocalist in a band... It's not that important. Here, I tried it like you wanted, but that's what it is." Beata (to Amadea): "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." Michelle: "I don't know what's gotten into you these days, so I guess you'll stop fooling around soon. Do what you want, too bad for this girl you're going to bother. (to Amadea) Good luck with her and her fixed ideas." Beata: "Good luck to you, me and her will be fine, don't worry. (they're leaving)"
Outside; Amadea: "You shouldn't have done that, he's your brother. Don't ruin it for something irrelevant." Beata: "Why do males put so much on appearance and we women like some turkeys accept everything to visually please them as much as possible? If men say they like curves, some will give thousands of euros to "put on" silicone if they don't already have a natural constitution to match it. They like a thin waist? There are drastic diets that can lead her to illness, even to death, but that's less important than HIM. Is her wrinkles bothering him? There's Botox to rejuvenate her, and for preferences in color and hair length there's a hairdresser to please both the one who likes black-haired and the one who likes blondes. Not to mention waxes and various treatments! And after all that, they still complain about women doing it all because they like "natural girls"! Well, son, not all people are naturally born attractive. (looks in Amadea) See how far you've come trying to get away from the ones for whom you weren't enough of this or that? I spit on that system of theirs, both them and their system can go and fu..." Amadea (soothes her): "Take it easy. There are exceptions to that, and sometimes it's a quiet rivalry between women, although I agree with what you said. A lot of women fall apart for things like that, they literally lose themselves in that idea of perfection. I don't care about being attractive to some guy, but I do know that I need an attractive look for what has nothing to do with appearance! Why does that damn look infiltrate all spheres of life?! (hits her arm, Beata runs to stop her) This civilization is broken. We continue to base it more on raw impulses than to equally incorporate reason and empathy." Beata: "It's going to be your message through music, that certain things that happen every day lead to all sorts of problems, it's going to be music with a lot of social and philosophical themes. While my brother is working on "Iron Maiden" and "Metallica" covers we're going to make our own music." Amadea: "I love both bands, and the original is the original." Beata: "That's how we're going to be the original. We won't be as popular as them, for sure, but we'll have something of our own. And I'm sure my brother will be easily defeated, he'll regret rejecting you. It's time to call a few numbers and create a new band. It's yours to come up with a name, later the logo, the lyrics you already have, and I'll take care of the other members."
Part V- "Music"
Indeed, they were able to start a band called "Before Azoic" with three other members, as Beata played guitar - she learned from her brother how to play, so she was looking to improve her playing skills a little bit. Michelle looked at it as a joke, thinking they had no chance and would give up quickly.
Although it was really hard to change the way she lived till then, Amadea still tried to fix at least something, so she found a job in the city and rented an apartment to be closer for rehearsals. She became more and more close with Beata, so they soon became part of each other's everyday lives. Amadea accompanied Beata, Beata supported Amadea.
With the band the situation was favourable - they were lucky enough for the audience to like their music even though they hadn't been fully rehearsed yet, but over time it was improving and they became a real metal band.
Amadea was completely different on stage; When she went out in front of the audience people would forget that she was a short frightened girl, she would then get indescribable energy and no longer care if she was worthy of that stage, but would lose herself among the notes. That wasn't the case off stage, there it was same as usual. On stage she felt as powerful as a sorceress, believing that music was the power with which she created the world she believes in and with which she warned of danger. Luckily, other members shared her enthusiasm and it was felt in the audience, which increasingly supported them.
Michelle soon realized he was wrong, especially since his band wasn't as successful as they used to be, even with the new singer, but he refused to admit it to his sister, so he pretended that everything was under control and that they were doing great.
In the evening, the park; Amadea sits alone drinking a bottle of red wine, Beata calls her on the phone, a little worried.
Beata (after Amadea answers): "So where are you, man, you don't answer all day! I just wanted to see if you were okay. Where the hell are you?" Amadea: "I'm in the park... Come if you want. Just so you know, I drank the wine completely, you have to get more if you want us to drink together. It's so pleasant here." Beata (nervous): "I'm coming, but to take you home. Don't you dare to go anywhere." Amadea: "I'm waiting for you in the park and bring another bottle, this one is not strong enough." Beata: "You're not going to see that happen. Sit where you are, I'll be there."
Amadea (when she saw Beata): You didn't have to bother, really, I'm not drunk at all." Beata: "But alcohol puts you to sleep, just enough to lose control and go out on the street and get hit by a car or..." Amadea (stops her): "Hey, nothing would happen to me. I was planning on going to the apartment. Man, I hate apartments, so many people are constantly over your head or under you, want it or not you have to be part of that community. Plus if you have a gossip in the building... It's like being on a reality show. You know who went to whom, when he left, if there was any noise, you can't even play the music a little louder because it bothers someone. If it wasn't for these performances and rehearsals I'd go crazy, you can't even sing normally in apartment." Beata: "We had that problem for the guitar, there's always something bothering someone. (takes her by hand) Let's go slowly." Amadea: "Let's go. (gets up) You're struggling too much with me. I'm used to dealing with things on my own, it's weird when someone's around, specially for the long term." Beata: "I have no doubt about that. Since you've avoided people for the past few years, this is also a great success." Amadea (moves a little further): "It's all too much for me in a few months. This is too sudden change." Beata: "If it hadn't been for that change you'd probably be dead by now, I don't know how long you could have endured it." Amadea (looking at the sidewalk): "It would be one fool on the planet less." Beata (looks at her): "That fool, as you call her, means a lot to me. Please don't insult her because it makes me deeply saddened." Amadea: "I will try to restrain myself. I'm sorry to exaggerate." Beata (smiles mildly): "Don't apologize, I understand. Come. (Gives her a hug) You can be yourself with me because I like your personality. I mean, all your personalities I've met so far. (laughs) I hope you're all right with all mine."
They were in embrace like they were that day on the bridge, only this time Amadea realized she felt some security near Beata, as if she felt some other kind of energy inside her. Beata, as she was taller than Amadea, put her head on Amadea's hair, closed her eyes and stayed that way for a few seconds. She thought that they were still outside and could get into an awkward position if someone saw them so she moved back, even though she didn't care what others were saying - she didn't want to cause a problem for Amadea.
Amadea (spluttering): "Yes, all are fine... I mean your personalities... I'm really glad that... I'm getting to know you slowly. It's boring to know the person completely after the first conversation." Beata (smiles, slightly red in the face): "Yes, I agree." Amadea: "Will you come over to my place? I'll make you something for dinner." Beata: "I'll eat what you eat." Amadea: "Really, you want only a salad for dinner?" Beata (laughs): "Well, I really don't understand how you only feed on plant food and still have weight problems, while I eat all kinds of things at any time of the day and nothing! I don't understand anything." Amadea: "Neither do I. Seems that my organism works that way." Beata (winks): "I don't mind. We'll eat salad together, you don't have to make me anything special. (entering the building) It was important for me that you got home safely, we'll easily arrange for the rest."
"Before the Azoic" performed in the city and surrounding towns, and then occasionally had gigs in more distant places. As time went on so did Amadeu's energy, she needed a little loneliness to rest her brain, but it wasn't possible to do that and not upset Beata. Whole that thing with Beata scared her at the same time, she didn't mind her as a person but had problem with any form of closeness with another person. She didn't know how to get the loneliness she needed without Beata thinking she didn't care anymore or something, especially since she really suited her as a person. She was so afraid that Beata would get mad at her that she was ready to sacrifice her urge for loneliness to keep the relationship normal. She always did it when it came to people - she wanted to make them satisfied by making concessions on her habits, sometimes more than she was comfortable with; Still, it had its limits. If she sees that the person is not interested in her friendship, if takes her for granted or takes advantage of her, or wants to change something of her personality, there she breaks every thread with the person as soon as possible, without arguments or despair. All that remains is the irritating memory of the person in question, one who, every time reminded, upsets the mind the same way. It's been repeated many times, so Amadea has become too careful when it comes to people, so careful that she didn't trust anyone anymore. In Beata she recognized that rare dose of honesty, as well as the fact that she didn't want to change who she is (just as others would like to limit her to one side of her personality, mostly the one that suits them, which terrified her because she hated limiting the spiritual sphere of life), that's why she felt an extreme remorse that even communicating with her was somewhat exhausting. She felt like a savage who didn't belong among people.
After one concert, Amadea sat in a darkened room alone, Beata found her and sat next to her. Beata: "Deteriorating of condition?" Amadea: "In a way. I have a question... Unrelated to something specific... Do you ever wish for total loneliness? You know, no one but you?" Beata: "Often. I usually get on my own with music, watch something on the Internet, sometimes like you now I'm staring at nothing... That's normal when you're an introvert. The more something wears you out, the longer it takes you to recharge your batteries." Amadea (keeps her head down): "I'm afraid to tell someone, but... I think that's what I need. Don't think it has something to do with you, I'm fine with your company, I'm just constantly concentrating on a lot of conversations and different people... I don't know if it would help me to spend time with myself, somewhere outside the populated area... It's a stupid idea, though." Beata (takes her hand): "You're actually afraid will those people still be there when you get back. I... I'll be there and when you get back, I won't run anywhere. If your psyche tells you to do it then listen to it, you have to listen to your mind first and then indulge others, though not all the time and not to everyone. You're nobody's maid, you're a being with your own needs. That's why you break all the time, your brain works on the principle that others are more important than you, and you can hardly change that now, I know." Amadea: "You're not mad at me?" Beata: "No, on the contrary, I'm glad you're listening to your needs. If you're already carrying a phone, you can just write to me briefly in a message if everything's okay, or send some emoji and stuff like that. Otherwise I wouldn't ask you to do that, but I do know you're suicidal, so just in case. Let me just ask- that is not reason for this trip, is it? I mean, you're not going to go on that "road" while it actually means you're going to kill yourself?" Amadea (looks at her): "It wasn't my intention, I can do that here. (Beata opens eyes wide) I mean, I want to see what it's like to be free, and I haven't planned anything right now neither on the road nor here, don't worry. Anyway, I'm going to send you an emoji, a sticker or whatever so you don't have to worry every day." Beata: "Okay. Choose a quiet place where you can rest your nerves well, it's not your goal to get even more upset. (laughs) Just come back to me at the end. I'll wait for you." Amadea (smiles): "Then I know I have something to come back for."
After one concert, Amadea sat in a darkened room alone, Beata found her and sat next to her. Beata: "Deteriorating of condition?" Amadea: "In a way. I have a question... Unrelated to something specific... Do you ever wish for total loneliness? You know, no one but you?" Beata: "Often. I usually get on my own with music, watch something on the Internet, sometimes like you now I'm staring at nothing... That's normal when you're an introvert. The more something wears you out, the longer it takes you to recharge your batteries." Amadea (keeps her head down): "I'm afraid to tell someone, but... I think that's what I need. Don't think it has something to do with you, I'm fine with your company, I'm just constantly concentrating on a lot of conversations and different people... I don't know if it would help me to spend time with myself, somewhere outside the populated area... It's a stupid idea, though." Beata (takes her hand): "You're actually afraid will those people still be there when you get back. I... I'll be there and when you get back, I won't run anywhere. If your psyche tells you to do it then listen to it, you have to listen to your mind first and then indulge others, though not all the time and not to everyone. You're nobody's maid, you're a being with your own needs. That's why you break all the time, your brain works on the principle that others are more important than you, and you can hardly change that now, I know." Amadea: "You're not mad at me?" Beata: "No, on the contrary, I'm glad you're listening to your needs. If you're already carrying a phone, you can just write to me briefly in a message if everything's okay, or send some emoji and stuff like that. Otherwise I wouldn't ask you to do that, but I do know you're suicidal, so just in case. Let me just ask- that is not reason for this trip, is it? I mean, you're not going to go on that "road" while it actually means you're going to kill yourself?" Amadea (looks at her): "It wasn't my intention, I can do that here. (Beata opens eyes wide) I mean, I want to see what it's like to be free, and I haven't planned anything right now neither on the road nor here, don't worry. Anyway, I'm going to send you an emoji, a sticker or whatever so you don't have to worry every day." Beata: "Okay. Choose a quiet place where you can rest your nerves well, it's not your goal to get even more upset. (laughs) Just come back to me at the end. I'll wait for you." Amadea (smiles): "Then I know I have something to come back for."
Part VI- "Missing"
While Amadea was in a motel far from the populated area, where she walked in the nature during the day more than she stayed in the room, Beata also spent time alone, but chose a combination of staying in her room with a computer and going to nature by bike. She'd see Michel sometimes, he'd spend less time in the house but they'd be able to exchange a few sentences.
Michelle: "You've already done with your band? I'm telling you, that girl is not strong enough to handle so much pressure from all sides." Beata: "Nothing's over, where did you get that nonsense? She took a break, and so did I. It's not easy every day to deal with all kinds of fools, sometimes you have to rest your brain. I don't recommend it to you, you don't have a brain." Michelle: "Ha, ha... You're so funny... She ran away from you. You'll see." Beata (frowns): "You know everything. Don't be silly." Michelle: "Why else would she leave? She was scared and she didn't know how to tell you. That's what you get for taking amateurs." Beata (a little nervous): "You know I'm not really trustworthy when it comes to people, but I don't doubt Amadea. And even if she leaves... I can't stop her. I could never stop them from leaving. (with tears in her eyes, but no crying) It wouldn't be the first time, but I don't want that to happen this time. I want someone to stay. I mean, someone else besides you. (rubs her eyes) I've got too much of you anyway." Michelle (nods): "Okay, fine, I hope this friend stays longer... It's just, you know... Maybe she falls in love with someone like Fernanda did and then you're alone again, or you fall in love and then she feels neglected. That's why I'm telling you. You better have found a boyfriend too, so you wouldn't be bored." Beata (grumpy look): "Stop this nonsense, I don't want any boyfriend and I don't think Amadea's in a hurry to find someone either, so don't worry about it." Michelle (leaves): "Imagine if she found someone now while she's on that trip - she goes alone and comes back with someone else! That would be ironic, wouldn't it?" Beata (hits him with a pillow): "Go to hell." Michelle: "I wouldn't be surprised if that happened."
As much as she wanted not to think about that scenario or what her brother said, Beata had no peace of mind since that conversation. Every day she got a message from Amadea and she knew she was fine, but the thought that maybe one day she would find a partner was upsetting her, she didn't know why. She had a feeling she'd lose her completely and it terrified her. She didn't understand her own brain no matter how hard she tried to figure out what it was, why she was so afraid of losing Amadea.
After the feeling of remorse faded away, Amadea was finally able to relieve herself of the burden of all kinds of thoughts, at least for those few days. Every day she would text Beata so she wouldn't worry, although she was worried about everything she left at home, including Beata. She had some silly thoughts going through her head but she quickly silenced them, finding them completely unrealistic. No, a person like her barely manages friendships, let alone being in a relationship, specially that kind of relationship... She was grateful that no one could hear such insane thoughts that went through her head from time to time, she was ashamed of anything that came to mind, let alone to share it with someone.
A week and a half later, there were preparations for Beata's birthday, and by preparation I mean deciding where to celebrate that fancy day, as she sarcastically called it. She missed Amadea, she was already starting to worry that she wouldn't come back for real, she was even more worried that she didn't get a message from her today. And while Michelle was suggesting every club and café in town, she was just sitting there uninterested, rolling her eyes and staring in front of her. The short sound on the phone got her attention, so she looks at the message that just came in: "I came to the apartment during the day, I'm in town. I'm sorry if I upset you." Right after reading the message she jumped off the chair and quickly prepared to go outside, not paying attention to Michelle who looked at her confused until she left.
She got to Amadea's apartment, still at the door hugging her even though she told herself she wouldn't exaggerate so she wouldn't freak her out. Amadea (hugs her back): "I'm glad to see you, too, I missed you. I wanted to stay longer but I didn't want to miss much with the band." Beata: "It's good to have you back, you'd miss my birthday too. I want you to come." Amadea (sighs): "I haven't been to birthdays since elementary school. I'm a partybreaker, I'm not a party girl but I'm going to help you with everything you need before and after the party..." Beata: "Oh no, no... Easy, you'll get ready. I don't like parties at all either, but I make it for those people who only see me a few times a year. So, where have you been? I want to hear what's been going on these days." Amadea: "I mostly explored nature, photographed, practiced my voice away from people. It feels good to be able to sing without limitation. I'm definitely going to go somewhere else, but it would be nice if we went together. It gets a little monotonous when you're all alone." Beata (smiles): "I'd love that. I agree it's monotonous when you're all alone, that's how it was for me too. (breathes) Did you... meet someone new... ?" Amadea: "No, I avoided people to the maximum. You?" Beata: "Neither do I. (imagines) I've never asked you about love; Do you like some boy and stuff? I mean, I see you're not in a relationship, but do you like someone in general?" Amadea (confused): "No. I am declared as someone who wouldn't be in relationship, but specially couldn't imagine myself in classic male-female relationship with all these gender roles and bunch of unwritten rules... There are girls who don't mind it, but for me it's like someone throws me in another dungeon that I can't get out even if it suffocates me. The very idea of a strictly defined community terrifies me to the point that I'm generally not attracted to any form of bonding with another being. (Beata takes a sip of the juice Amadea poured her, all the while stunned looking at her) I can rather imagine myself with a girl, I thought more than once whether it might work." Beata (choked): "You... You like girls?" Amadea (winced): "I don't have a specific orientation because I never wanted to be in a relationship, it was just an idea. I have such a fixed ideas for all sorts of things and situations sometimes." Beata: "I don't understand that - you wouldn't be in a relationship at all, just with a girl or a person of any gender, but if it wasn't a standard relationship with stereotypical roles and default actions?" Amadea: "I would say this first, but the thing is in life you can't know how things are going. You see, I have quite a few problems with myself, so I'd panic so much about everything and be insecure about every little thing, there's so much reasons not to deal with it..." Beata: "So the problem is a combination of destroyed self-esteem with probably something else from the past that makes it impossible for you to bond with a person and creates a fear of bonding. The problem isn't whether you could be in a relationship, but what's formed in your brain after all these years, so much fear tucked in by the peace of loneliness has turned you into a complete loner. I feel honored that you let me into your world." Amadea: "What about you? How are you doing speaking about love ?" Beata: "I... I've had some crushes here and there, but a real serious relationship never. Michelle keeps teasing me about it, but he doesn't know one thing... I guess I can tell you because I see that you're open-minded and you're not going to think anything wrong about me, others would certainly react awkwardly to that and then I'd have to say I was just joking. I'm not attracted to boys, either. Only I'm sure I'm attracted to girls, luckily it didn't get to the wrong people or I might have a problem." Amadea (nods): "That is for sure, people know how to interfere where they don't belong and run other people's politics." Beata: "I hope I didn't freak you out or anything..." Amadea (smiles): "Nope, not at all. I don't see why would I bother or make fun of you for it, I respect every man's diversity. If you've noticed, when someone's talking about a guy and a girl, there's talk right away about them potentially being in a relationship, and that goes on forever... This applies both to social networks and for life, everyone implies that a particular person is straight and throws the opposite gender at her, while completely rejects the idea of the love of two people of the same gender, calling it a disease or nonsense. So I believe you've had a lot of annoying situations in your life for that." Beata: "Yes, it is so... I try not to pay attention to all of them. (smiles) Thank you." Amadea: "You're welcome, you supported me as well." Beata: "Too bad we didn't meet much sooner to protect you from those lunatics who hurt you. This way I can just try to protect what's left, I wish I could put it all back together and make it all right." Amadea (sits next to her and grabs her hand): "This is so much more than anyone has done for me, I appreciate it." Beata: "You want to help me organize my birthday? Michelle was trying to give me some ideas, I'll see what he got for clubs and cafes to choose from. I want some music according to my personality, so rock and metal, I don't give a damn if anyone doesn't like it. (laughs) You're going to give me some ideas for the playlist, you must have something good." Amadea: "I have something you might like. It depends on what you need - ballads, a strong rhythm, doom metal to "doom" guests..." Beata (laughs): "Yes, it would be such a crazy party! I'm not worried about clothes, I'll put on something whatever it is, and that's it. I know you don't like to prepare too much either, so don't bother, something similar like for performance is enough. It's only to be fair to people, I'd rather avoid it and run away somewhere, but who knows - it might turn out to be fun. There will be alcohol, but it doesn't have to be exaggerated - not everyone reacts the same when they're drunk, there are those who get aggressive, I don't really need that. I guess there will be some cake, juices, balloons, baby champagne and snacks, and then we play and go home at a decent time because we need to sleep. Oh, no, wait, I'm not turning eight, but twenty-seven. Hey, if I die this year, I'm going to "Club 27"! (laughs)" Amadeu (winced): "No, I hope that doesn't happen. Don't summon it." Beata (gets emotional): "Oh, you're worrying for me! (gives her a hug) Okay, I'm not going to summon anything. Not for you. (winks and start looking for songs for party with her)"
Part VII- "Temple of Love"
Beata's birthday has arrived. Guests were coming, among them band members, her friends and relatives, but she waited anxiously for one person. She appeared significantly later (since she always came everywhere before her time), drawing the glances of a few people which deconcentrated her, but continued to move towards Beata who couldn't believe the sight in front of her.
Amadeu let her long wavy hair down, colored her lips in intense red and framed her eyes in black (which was common to her), but what certainly wasn't specific to her was that she wore a red tunic with a deep cut and revealed part of her cleavage. With hanging earrings, black trousers and low-heeled shoes she looked more glamorous, but also slightly more provocative, which reflected on her face that showed nervousness.
Beata (approaches, looks at her): "If someone had told me you were going to show up like this, I wouldn't have believed him... You're so beautiful." Amadea (turned red because of various glances): "I feel weird in this... I've been thinking about getting dressed casualy, I'm not used to things that reveal so much. I was looking in the mirror and somehow I don't feel comfortable, like it's not me." Beata (laughs): "I think it's great, you should wear it more often." Amadea (gives her a gift): "I know we saw each other this morning and I already congratulated you, but I wanted to give you a present now." Beata (kisses her on the cheek): "You didn't have to bother with the presents, you were working on preparing this party with me. (opens the gift) What are these tickets for?" Amadea: "For the Metal Festival. You are provided with transportation and accommodation, ticket is valid for all three nights. There are different bands coming, with some more famous names. (gives her another gift) And this is another minor gift for you since you were thrilled with one band the other day." Beata (opens): "You got me an "Arch Enemy" CD! Oh, how did you do this, this is hard to get in our country?" Amadea: "I tried my best." Beata (embraces her): "You're really crazy, I'm telling you not to bother and you're giving me three nights full of great music with all the transportation and accommodation, you've found a CD that's hard to find here... I'd be happy if you'd given me a plastic bowl, you shouldn't have spent this much." Amadea (smiles): "You deserved more, but this was available right now. (someone calls Beata) Go ahead, I'll find a quieter place to sit. Is there a table in the corner?" Beata (shows): "There's one available, there's less crowds just how you like it. Settle down and I'll come back later." Amadea: "Don't hurry, take your time. (goes to the table)"
Amadea sat in the corner, enjoying the music that resonated in the room. Occasionally, she would look around briefly, trying not to look too long at anyone so as not to draw attention to herself and potentially unwittingly signal someone to approach her, that's the least she needed right now. During the half-hour she sat on that place there were a few glances towards her, but a young man called himself and sat down at the table.
Young man: "Why are you sitting alone, princess? It's a pitty for such a pretty girl to sit without company, I've come to be your company so you don't have to be alone." Amadea (exhale): "I'm not a very friendly person." Young man (gets close): "Why is that? Don't be alone, you should hang out a bit. (Amadea moves slightly away, feeling nervous all the time) What age are you?" Amadea (sarcastic): "The one that played "Super Mario" on "Nintendo" and which had "brick phone" as the first phone, I remember when the phones with the camera came out. There, that's how old am I." Young man: "Oh, well, that's not much. You're funny. (Amadea unnoticedly rolled with her eyes and quietly thanked, strictly for decency) Do you have a boyfriend?" Amadea: "To my infinite joy I neither have nor I seek one." Young man (gets close): "You just haven't met someone who's going to win you yet, maybe that'll change tonight..." Amadea (moves the chair again, looks to Beata and sighs): "Maybe. No one knows how life works." Young man: "So why are you running away from me? Let's have a drink and see how the evening goes... (touches her arm, she gets up) Where are you going, baby? Don't go anywhere, we're having a nice chat!" Beata (coming): "Don't bother my friend, she's not someone you're going to buy with sweet words and take to bed, poor girls who let you do it. (looks at Amadea smiling) She's different, with a world that a lot of people wouldn't understand, but that's what I love about her." Young man: "Okay, Bea, I'm not going to bother her. I just wanted to keep company, the girl was alone and..." Beata: "I know how well you keep company, Ronnie. She was waiting for me and now I'm here, there are some girls so try to pick them up if they fall for those pick-up lines of yours, Amadea and I have some things to do."
Amadea (after he left): "Thank you, I wouldn't have the heart to be rude and who knows if he'd leave." Beata: "That's one of my brother's mates, seducing the girls with these pick-up lines. He thinks you're going to fall for that, too. He really underestimated you." Amadea: "The band members came over, we talked a bit and I told them that tomorrow afternoon we're going to try out the songs we're going to put on for the first album. These days we're going to work more on music." Beata (smiles): "You just think about work... We'll work tomorrow, now have fun. (takes her hand) Come on, let's get some air, my head hurts a little when I've been around people too long." Amadea (laughs): "Well, we are great combo. It's a miracle that despite this trait we perform in front of an audience." Beata (as they passed): "Yes, but the concert is about music and we're all there for the music, while here I've been asked a few times when there will be a folk song, or something more cheerful, or at least some pop music... No, I'll bring the trumpet players." Amadea (laughs): "You can bring the symphonic orchestra, I'll certainly watch it." Beata (joyous): "Uh, classy! You'd have to give me some directions so we can watch it together. (arriving on a quiet terrace) Well, that's better. You can hear the music, but not the noice. It's perfect." Amadea (listens): "It starts "Nymphetamine fix" from band Cradle of Filth. Call me silly, but I find that song beautiful. (starts singing softly) "Lead to the river, midsummer I waved, a 'V' of black swans on with hope to the grave..." Beata: "Perfect for this moment. (continues to listen with her eyes closed) Just keep going."
"Bared on your tomb I am prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon come above unto me?
For once upon a time from the binds of your lowliness
I could ever find the right slot for your sacred key."
"Bared on your tomb I am prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon come above unto me?
For once upon a time from the binds of your lowliness
I could ever find the right slot for your sacred key."
After that song "Megadeth's" song started, but they didn't pay much attention to the music that reached them. They looked at each other with a smile until Beata said, "Do you have another ballad like this in the music library?" Amadea: "Yes, it depends on what you need. This moonlight inspires me for "Moonlight Waltz- Theatres des Vampires". How about it?" Beata: "Is it... Romantic?" Amadea: "Quite a bit." Beata: "Let's try it then. (smiles)"
After the piano introduction the symphony-metal part started, then the vocal part, and Beata asked Amadea for a dance. They danced under the moonlight without paying attention to the fact that inside was the party, all they wanted to do was to be there with each other, to get lost in the eyes of the other and feel nothing but mild wind and light pressure and warmth where their arms were. Towards the end of the song they approached each other, at first timidly touching other's face with their lips, then continuing in their intent and soon found each other in the middle of a kiss. The world around them no longer existed.
With heavy hearts they returned to the party, but only after watching the moon over the city for a while. They stayed until the last guest left, and then went back home, referring to tonight's event with a smile on their faces.
The next day around noon all the band members gathered to practice, preparing to record their first songs. Beata and Amadea talked briefly, focusing more on music during the day - there was no point in emphasizing the yesterday's event and constantly talking about it or immediately planning what was next, at least for one thing they wanted to give themselves a break and not think about the future. Since they were both people of their word they knew they didn't need an official title to emphasize their feelings, it was only important to them that they knew - not to announce that to the whole world which had nothing to do with what was going on in them.
At the end of rehearsal Beata approached Amadea. Beata: "You're invited to dinner at my place, I made you two kinds of seasonal salads and mushrooms with a little oil, no additive supplements other than salt. I hope you like our menu today." Amadea (laughs): "Oh, are you asking me to go on date with you?" Beata (winks): "I certainly invite you to a date, but not a love one, but to a meeting of two compatible souls who can talk about anything and everything or keep quiet together, in a way that says as much as words. If there's also some kiss like yesterday, I won't complain." Amadea (laughs again): "I will certainly accept your generous offer and admire your indulgement of my trivial needs. So much effort deserves a kiss, of course, although I estimate that one will not be equivalent to your efforts." Beata: "Oh, it wasn't hard to do! Still, if your heart is so kind that it wants to raise my salary, then make it double!" Amadea (nods): "Reasonable price." Beata (grabs her by the arm): "Are we going to my court to serve a feast?" Amadea (smiles): "Let's go."
They spent the evening dining and then watching the movie, after which Amadea went home preparing for the next day.
Part VIII- "Fire of the Universe"
The days passed in music and spending time together; There were intellectual discussions, humor, romantic moments, music. They adapted to each other's feelings and always found common topics. In the first place they declared themselves as two compatible souls that found themselves in this universe and then as two people in love, it was not the primary thing for either of them.
They had to plan a short tour in the country to promote their first album, and for that occasion the whole band planned where to go, where to stay and how long to stay on the road. The deal was that they have eight concerts, they'd rent a minibus, they'd have a two-day break - one in a motel away from the noise, the other in one of the cities where they performed. Everything they did was funded from earlier concerts, the budget didn't allow them too much luxury but they didn't have to limit themselves to the weakest neither.
Meanwhile, it was Amadea's birthday too - although she didn't tell Beata what day it was, Beata remembered seeing the date of Amadea's birth on several occasions and waited to give her a gift. She gave her the camera at the perfect time so Amadea could take photos while they were on the road.
In the minibus they found some topics they discussed, and at one point Amadea began: "Do you notice how extroverts have been praised since the beginning of civilization, while the introverts remained either undetected or were considered bad? Extraverts have always been considered as warm, friendly, good friends, good people, kind, good speakers... while we introverted are either mute to them, or we're hiding something, or we're freaks, crazy, we're missing something, some of them are considered stupid and the others are smart, but they look at them with suspicion, as if we always have bad intentions. We're negative villains, a society to avoid, irrelevant creatures in the universe, while they're interesting, easier get what they want but, of course, it doesn't go without a bunch of crushed behind. Well, see what happens then; in the end they tell you how you have to be optimistic, to fight for yourself if you want to succeed, those same people behind whom there are many more capable people who have done their job peacefully and with dignity, hoping that someone will notice their efforts as it should be fair. No, they can't make it unless they have the social skills to succeed in what they're trying to do. How much time and adjustment do introverted people need, regardless of their ability, to get confirmation for their work?" Beata: "There's logic... Extrovert people talk much more about their life, achievements, their personality is what you see from the beginning. The thing in what you said is what I just mentioned - people don't have the nerve to get to know someone better and it's easier for them to write off what they don't know than to put in a little effort and see a whole new perspective on life. They are unaware that this says more about them than those they stigmatize, and this applies to all topics: mental illness, for certain people or their occupations, for other nations, for the LGBT+ population... I don't understand what inspires a man to put down or even insult someone else for anything, what in this universe determines what's right and wrong. It's the same with whether a person is more communicative or not, there's no right or wrong. Although I personally don't care for other people's opinions of myself, unless they're closer to me, it's certainly not pleasant for someone to misjudge you without knowing anything about you." Amadea: "You see, I don't hate extroverts, I just wish the world would work a little better and that the introverts and extroverts complement each other, not to force us to change ourselfves or serve as some apprentices who have to settle for small things because some others have already arrived at the front of the queue by pushing. In the movies, the main character is mostly an extrovert person because they care more about the interaction, the outside world and the events in it, and then the movie is more interesting. The introverted character belongs more to the books - there's a lot to write about his inner world, his thoughts and all without much events.
When you watch an introvert character in a movie, it's that side character who barely speaks a word, but the movie generally doesn't allow you to get to know a character like that better by deeming him irrelevant." Beata (nods): "I just remembered something else when you mentioned the movies - remember that in children's movies they teach kids how "grumpy ones" experience some kind of punishment, how these other characters kind of tease them? They are constantly credited with some bad traits while the main characters are always "good guys" who are in contrast to those "bad guys". There's no theory in which I'm going to believe that poor Squidward is the bad guy and SpongeBob the good guy after all the harassment he experiences every day. Of course he has bad sides, too, but so does SpongeBob, except he's portrayed as a positive character. Then, in the cartoon "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" we have Grumpy; He can be as much hard-working as he wants, no, the important thing is that he's the most negative of the other dwarves, so much so that he's almost the bad guy even though he didn't do anything specific against anyone. It's the same with Grumpy From Smurfs, Donald Duck, Duffy Duck... There are characters like that all you want, and they're all negatively characterized without any need or reason while they're no more negative than other characters, especially the main "good guys." From an early age they teach the population that happy, communicative and caring are desirable, accepted and loved in our society, while that you are not good enough if you are the opposite. Unhappy and angry do not fit that scenario of a harmonious society, or serve to diminish their value to the values of the "main characters". It's a shame it's based on real life, but I think it's wrong that it continues in that direction to this day." Amadea: "There's Elsa to fix that statistic a little bit... If only they would look less at her outward appearance and a little more complexity of character, it would be good. All princesses are more discussed about appearance than the plot of the movie or their traits, as well as with us girls in real life." Beata (sighs): "In male characters they look at strength and courage. Does this have to do with simplifying the psyche of characters, or is that what people really first notice?"
When you watch an introvert character in a movie, it's that side character who barely speaks a word, but the movie generally doesn't allow you to get to know a character like that better by deeming him irrelevant." Beata (nods): "I just remembered something else when you mentioned the movies - remember that in children's movies they teach kids how "grumpy ones" experience some kind of punishment, how these other characters kind of tease them? They are constantly credited with some bad traits while the main characters are always "good guys" who are in contrast to those "bad guys". There's no theory in which I'm going to believe that poor Squidward is the bad guy and SpongeBob the good guy after all the harassment he experiences every day. Of course he has bad sides, too, but so does SpongeBob, except he's portrayed as a positive character. Then, in the cartoon "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" we have Grumpy; He can be as much hard-working as he wants, no, the important thing is that he's the most negative of the other dwarves, so much so that he's almost the bad guy even though he didn't do anything specific against anyone. It's the same with Grumpy From Smurfs, Donald Duck, Duffy Duck... There are characters like that all you want, and they're all negatively characterized without any need or reason while they're no more negative than other characters, especially the main "good guys." From an early age they teach the population that happy, communicative and caring are desirable, accepted and loved in our society, while that you are not good enough if you are the opposite. Unhappy and angry do not fit that scenario of a harmonious society, or serve to diminish their value to the values of the "main characters". It's a shame it's based on real life, but I think it's wrong that it continues in that direction to this day." Amadea: "There's Elsa to fix that statistic a little bit... If only they would look less at her outward appearance and a little more complexity of character, it would be good. All princesses are more discussed about appearance than the plot of the movie or their traits, as well as with us girls in real life." Beata (sighs): "In male characters they look at strength and courage. Does this have to do with simplifying the psyche of characters, or is that what people really first notice?"
Amadea (looks out the window and goes on): "Although this first one is certainly present, I still thinks it's the second one. Males of any kind are by appearance looking for a female who can potentially bring them healthy offspring, female individuals are looking for as strong a male as possible." Beata (laughs): "You and I don't have that problem." Amadea (laughs): "Yes, life is easier without it." Beata: "And I've thought for a long time about why the world works the way it works, why some people are automatically underestimated and how much effort it takes for everyone to be equal, as you usually say. Honestly, when I see what's going on in the world, it's hard for me to keep my faith in humanity. Just growing up in such a negative environment is a one-way street for moral stumbling, maybe from the beginning they teach us that everything is ideal and then you see that reality is nowhere near that and you get even more disappointed. Maybe it's a collective disappointment, and besides, there are those who cheat and kill even the slightest faith in people. You see, for example, people who collect humanitarian aid? It's an exceptional charity, but there are also those creatures who dared to use someone's charity and take that money for other purposes. I gave you that example, you have as many examples out of life as you want. (inhaled) And what about introverts and extroverts, who is the winner in the end?" Amadea (laughs): "It's even. If we could turn it into a metaphor it would be like this - introverts are lake and extroverts are river. Both the lake and the river can satisfy your thirst, but they can both drown you as well. Both can water the plant, but also they can flood everything around them. They can be the source of life and cause of devastation. In the end, they have in common that all the waters in the world are joined together and together form one large water whole, so it is extremely absurd to underestimate the characteristics of both. Who knows, maybe there comes a time when the introverts will finally be able to come out of the shadows, I think the internet helps them a lot." Beata (nods): "Yes, the internet erases that boundary, so there aren't that many communication problems. Besides too much bitterness and insults on various websites, though. It's amazing how easily some people write the hardest words without any cause. That can discourage a person from writing something, it's affecting even their personal life because some of these insults go directly aganist the person or group they are intended for. (quietly) I hope we never get to that situation, there are really all kinds of fools." Amadea (quiet): "They can't change our situation, but we certainly don't need that. I'm not so afraid of their mean comments as I fear a physical attack." Beata (takes her hand): "Don't worry, there are aggressive fools but today it's different times, a society has progressed or at least that's what it looks like. If the situation were like it was about thirty years ago I'd be worried, too. Don't be afraid of anything." Amadea (smiles): "I hope everything will be all right."
Part IX- "She is my sin"
On the first night they had a concert in the first city, then immediately after the concert moved on. The second, third and fourth concerts were held, followed by a one-day break in a motel surrounded by nature. Amadea and Beata were in the same room with two beds, they agreed to walk and take pictures if they came across anything interesting the next day.
Morning. Amadea took the time to take a shower, change her clothes and brush her teeth, meanwhile Beata woke up too. Beata (kisses her on the neck): "What a wonderful shower gel you have! What is that, vanilla?" Amadea (kisses her on the cheek and brings her gel): "Yes, and the perfume I put on has a note of vanilla. Take it." Beata (opens and smells the bottle): "Oh, I love vanilla! Will you have enough for travel?" Amadea: "Even if it disappears in the meantime I'll get it, take whatever you need." Beata (walks into the bathroom and keeps talking): "I want you to bring some fancy rags in your backpack- tunics, decorations, some jewelry and makeup; I want us to take some photos in nature." Amadea: "I planned to take photographs of nature." Beata (stick her head behind a half-open door): "There's going to be some of that, but I want to take a picture of you. Oh yes, bring a hair brush too." Amadea (laughs): "You remembered when I told you I'd like to take photos in nature... I'm stunned. May I do yours too?" Beata (sticks her head out again and smile): "If you think you can make a model of me- why not. My body is at your service. In any way. (laughs) That sounded a little bit... Never mind, I'll take something too. (keeps talking behind half-closed doors) What should I bring?" Amadea: "That shorter jeans vest of yours looks great to me, then jeans, some rock details... It would be powerful to photograph you on a rock or something. I'll pack all we need, you take it easy."
They had breakfast and went away from the motel. Amadea took pictures of all sorts of things that would get her attention and then in the distance they noticed a waterfall so they went that way. Amadea wanted to be the first to photograph Beata.
Beata (standing next to a rock dressed in jeans vest, jeans and a T-shirt): "Is it all right here?" Amadea (fixes the camera): "Yes. Put one leg on the rock, look up, lean arms behind you. (took a photo) Look at the prototype. (laughs)" Beata (looks): "It looks good, but I would add a little rebellion. (takes off her vest, t-shirt and underwear, then puts on her vest again to disguise her bust) We'll try it now." Amadea (blushes): "Now it looks powerful. (takes photos of Beata in different positions) Provocative but not vulgar, and certainly rebellious. (looks her in the eye) I think you're going to like it." Beata (sees pictures): "They are good. Do you have any other ideas?" Amadea (gives her a leather jacket and black eyeliner): "You can highlight your eyes with lots of eyeliner, put on a jacket and stand on that rock like you're climbing up there. Take some darker lipstick, I think it would go well with stronger make-up on eyes and your royal-blue hair." Beata (preparing): "It could be like that. It's powerful to climb to the top, I think it can work out fine. (set up) How about it?" Amadea (climbs one stone for a better angle): All good. (takes a photo) Head this way, that's right..." Beata (climbs to the top): "What does it look like from here?" Amadea (laughs): "That's what I have to ask you. I'm joking, it's great. Look into the distance... Try your hand over your forehead... (Beata tries several different positions) Great! There's going to be some great pictures here. (winks)"
Beata went downstairs, looked at the photos with Amadea and took the camera in her hands. Beata: "Now it's your turn. (removes the rubber band from her hair and fixes her hair) Put on a lipgloss, a floral ornament, put on a tunic and stand by the water, I don't know where it would be best... Maybe where the flowers are." Amadea (stops there dressed in trousers and tunic): "I'm a little scared, I don't know how nicely I can pose..." Beata (approaches and kisses her passionately): "You're beautiful. I'd give you a suggestion, but I think you'd be uncomfortable... It's good like this anyway." Amadea (nods): "Say it." Beata: "I know you don't show your arms because of injuries, but I think you might be able to expose your legs. It would look like you were wearing a dress. There's no one here but me so don't be scared, we'll photoshop something if there's need for that. It's just a suggestion, ignore it if it's too much." Amadea (blushes): "I'll try. I don't look great, don't say I didn't warn you."
Amadea leaves her tracksuit on the side, posing like a gentle fairy. She's adjusted to the fact that her legs are exposed to the air outside, something she hasn't felt in nearly two decades because of the constant wearing of closed clothes. Beata didn't mind her flaws, she wanted to take a picture of Amadea as best she could, but Amadea was insecure even though she tried not to think about it. When that part of the photo-shooting was done Amadea looked at the water, wanting a slightly morbid image. She refrained from mentioning it, but Beata beat her to it.
Beata: "Do you have any ideas? You want a picture in the water?" Amadea: "Yes, it's just... Something like Ophelia's style, if you know what I mean." Beata (worried): "Are you all right?" Amadea: "I'm fine, I just wanted a picture like that for a while." Beata: "Let me summarize - you want a picture where you look like you drowned?" Amadea (nods): "Yes." Beata (takes the camera): "You're lucky morbidity doesn't bother me, but I want you to sing to me afterwards to cheer up after such depressing pictures." Amadea (smiles): "Fine. (enters the water) So this is what drowning looks like. I've thought about it a lot, I've dreamed about it, but for the first time I feel like it's so attainable." Beata (puts flowers around her): "It's not attainable, I'm not going to let you do it like I didn't let you a few months ago. (trembles) It's creepy that now I'm thinking about how you could really lie dead like this." Amadea (closes her eyes): "I'm alive, although this water is a little cold for me so I can't stay this way for too long. I'm cold." Beata (takes pictures): "Here, I'll be quick. (makes a few more) It's over, get out to avoid catching cold, we've got more concerts to go. (laughs)" Amadea (looks at photos): "I like all of them. Let's go back to the motel and get some rest. (changing her clothes trying not to reveal her body)" Beata (pulls on her t-shirt): "Let's go. We might think of more ideas for a photos."
They arrived at the motel around 5 p.m., had dinner and went back to their room. Beata (reaches the bed and takes a teddy bear): "How about we replace the way others see us and take pictures of the opposite? I can wear something sweet and take a picture with teddy bear." Amadea (nods): "I like it. You have that gentle side inside you, you just hide it well." Beata (smiles): "You're the rare one who knows more hidden parts of my personality. (looking for clothes) I've only got this warm sweater, I didn't bring anything pink. (laughs)" Amadea (gives her a blouse with a kittens on it): "I brought this just in case, take a hair bow and put on a soft makeup. I'll help you with your makeup to make it faster." Beata: "Okay. (Amadea begins to put pink eyeshadow and eyeliner on her upper eyelids) This feels good." Amadea: "I'll do it quickly, just in time to use the natural light from sunset. We have about an hour of daylight left." Beata: "We're getting there, don't worry."
They made everything and Amadea took a few adorable photos of Beata posing with a teddy bear surrounded by pastel colours. She looked at the pictures in the end and was pleased, suggesting to Amadea that now she turn her idea into a work. Amadea wore a longer white shirt, wore red lipstick and dark eyeshadow, her hair loosened again to fall to the halfway point of her back.
Beata (seeing her): This is going to be hot. As the sun sets let's try near the window, so the light will fall perfectly." Amadea (stops by the window): "I think it's good here. As long as someone doesn't see me outside." Beata (laughs): "No way, there aren't many people here. Great... (takes pictures) go on... Looks good to me for now. Let's see what else can be done."
Amadea sits on the bed, setting herself up so Beata can take photos. This time her photos were more provocative, but she still didn't want them to look vulgar.
After a while it got dark, so Beata left the camera on the dresser, sat next to Amadea and kissed her. She unconsciously moved her hands over her legs, while Amadea crossed her fingers along her arm. Beata takes off her t-shirt, revealing everything Amadea couldn't look at today because of shyness, then slowly unbuttons her shirt and gently kisses her on the shoulder.
Beata (looks at her): "You're blushing. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you can do anything you want. Don't be afraid. (takes Amadea's hand and put in on her skin) You have no idea how beautiful you were to me today when we went to the waterfall, same as you are now. You're beautiful to me even when you're dressed in simple clothes, because I know there's a beauty that a lot of others ignore." Amadea (crosses her hand on her skin): "Similarly I could say about you, except in your case people don't notice your feminine side just because you dress "heavier" than the average girl. Personally, I like you anyhow. I like you as a person and everything that goes with you." Beata (kisses her): "Same here. (gently lowers her bretelle and kisses her on the shoulder again) And I don't care what the world says, we don't tell anyone else what to think and feel. (sighs) I'm so silly, look what I've found to think about now." Amadea (smiles): "Talk about whatever you want, but I'll try to leave you speechless tonight." Beata: "Oh, tempting offer! Offer accepted, do everything in your power to achieve that goal." Amadea (puts her hand along her back): "I'll try. (winks)"
Apart from the occasional sighs not many words were heard, then their voices echoed through the room, after which they slowly went silent and Amadea and Beata went to sleep.
Part X: "Somewhere I Belong"
Morning. Amadea wakes up early, prepares her clothes and goes to take a shower and get ready. She sat by the window and looked imaginatively into the sky that slowly changed colour, suddenly feeling arms around her neck and a kiss on the cheek.
Beata: "Good morning, you're up early today. Something bothering you?" Amadea (quiet): "I'm thinking about life. I'm confused by the concept of life - not the function of it, but the psychology behind it all. Don't pay attention to me, my soul is tired." Beata (embraces her harder): "I know. I'm not going to try to cheer you up because you'd be worse after, but I'm going to try to keep you balanced because we have a concert tonight. I'll get ready and pack after it, we've agreed with the others that we'll have breakfast and we'll go." Amadea (gets up): "I'll pack your things, just set aside what you need. I'll put myself together mentally during the day, now it's time to get ready to go. I'm sorry, I didn't even tell you last night was great, my current mood has nothing to do with it." Beata: "I had a great time, too, we have to do it again." Amadea (leans her head on her): "We will. (exhale) Something worries me, but I don't know what... It's like I have a negative feeling or it's like I'm afraid of something that might happen..." Beata: "Whatever happens together we'll work it out. Two heads are smarter than one, we'll solve problems more easily together. We're not almighty, it stands, but we can try."
After breakfast, the journey continued to a town about 40 kilometers away. They arrived at the place where they performed at evening and prepared to give the audience the best experience, then after a successful concert they moved on. There were three concerts left and they were all slightly delighted to end the tour successfully. Beata and Amadea didn't reveal to anyone that they were in a relationship, they didn't feel the need to justify their personal life to anyone. They understood that a relationship between the two girls would certainly provoke too many comments, especially from people who have nothing to do with it, and were careful not to expose themselves and their relationship to other people's interference.
The last concert they had was at a big festival; they performed on the third night as a opening act, which for such a young band was a huge success. The last day they had a break right in the city where the festival was held, so they had a chance to meet with people who listened to their band even though they were far from home.
Amadea and Beata spend day listening to a few rock and metal bands that would be at the festival on the second day, sitting in a park or walking by the water. They had conversations on different topics, not even feeling the day was passing.
Amadea: "Do you know when I first seriously wanted to find a girlfriend? When I watched "Sailor Moon" and saw the perfect harmony between Haruka and Michiru. I wanted to see if it could really be that beautiful. Every scene with them, even the simplest one, gave me a special emotion. Okay, fine, I love all the characters, and Hotaru is also very dear to me, but the two of them inspired romantic feelings in me." Beata: "I know about the two of them, I agree they're a wonderful couple. You know, if you and I were like the two of them, then I'd be Haruka and you'd be Michiru, what do you think?" Amadea (nods): "That's what I thought a few times. I hope we don't have to fight with anyone." Beata: "Yes. We don't need that, at least not now. (takes her hand) I want to enjoy with my Michiru and I don't want anyone bothering me. (looks at her) The past can't be erased, but I don't let even it to distract me, let alone anything else. (sighs) Next week will be five years since my father's death, just in time for the tour to end." Amadea: "Is your mother coming?" Beata: "Who knows if she'll even remember. Last year she didn't even come, she had responsibilities with two other kids. In the memorial were just Michelle, me, some of his friends and relatives. It's funny how quickly people forget someone - the first year a lot of people came together, there were barely a dozen of us last year. I'm sure it'll be even less now. Dude, what is life. You just don't know when it's time to go on that road of no return." Amadea: "That's why I started to get scared of planning too far ahead. These unforeseen circumstances, or even foreseen but unexpected at a given moment, can ruin any plan no matter how precise it may be."
Beata: "Yes, and it's hard to forbid the brain from planning because it's kind of calming down, giving yourself a guarantee that everything's going to be okay. The hell with planning the future when at least half of those plans fall into the water." Amadea: "It helps a little when you think about that next moment based on the current circumstances, instead of some moment there in a potential future that, as it usually does, probably won't happen. For example- my brain now has the idea that we'll go back to the hotel later, that we'll fall asleep next to each other like the other day, that tomorrow we'll have preparation for the show and, if all goes well, we'll end the tour with the last concert." Beata (gets close): "I hope you planned a little more before we went to bed." Amadea (laughs): "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, I've thought about it, but it's a topic for two. I'll put it in my imaginary schedule." Beata: "I plan to sit in the park a little longer, and then what you've already planned. And then... Of these long-term plans, we have to go on that trip together which we said a few months ago. This is about to end and we'll rest our brains from everything." Amadea: "That plan certainly remains. (view to the promenade) The guys in the band have gone who knows where, they better be able to perform tomorrow." Beata: "I told them today when we went to the festival not to overdo the booze, they're good guys - they haven't caused any trouble before. That's why I called the three of them into the band; Leonel (drummer) is a family man, he has a family and he won't put himself in awkward situations; Tyrone (keyboardist) is already planning a marriage when we finish the tour so he doesn't deal with some parties either, and Brody (bassist) is a single, but he's not the type of guy who partyes. You know, I've never seen him with a girl. There were some around him, he didn't even notice them." Amadea: "There is a possibility that he was disappointed in someone, or looking for something specific. It's like he's trying to say something, and he'd like to share it with someone. Maybe he needs a woman's advice." Beata: "As soon as we get back we'll see what it's all about, so we don't bother him now. It would be a shame if we didn't help him if we could. Anyway, I'm worried about the guitar player in the band. She fell in love with the singer of the band!" Amadea (laughs): "It's no big problem, and the singer fell in love with a guitarist. What if other members revolt over it?" Beata: "I don't see how that would offend them on a personal level. (saw the clock) Are we going to a hotel?" Amadea (takes the bag): "I didn't even notice how long it had been. (get up) Let's go."
During the walk to the hotel, as they thought there was no one nearby, they hugged and kissed, enjoying the reflection of the moonlight on the surface of the river.
At the hotel they greeted the band members and went to their room. They fell asleep side by side again, resting before their last concert on tour. They didn't even know how much tomorrow's day is going to be harder than they thought.
Part XI- "War Eternal"
The sun breaks through the window and illuminates the room where Amadea and Beata were still asleep. They woke up almost simultaneously, smiling at each other.
Beata: "I find it odd that you got up later." Amadea: "I was overcome by fatigue. At least we're at the end of the tour. (sigh) It would be nice to wake up like this all the time." Beata: "Then we'd have to live together." Amadea: "I live alone in a rented apartment, you can always come with me." Beata: "I like the idea, plus Michelle will get some freedom. (stretches) Let's take a quick look at the internet and get to breakfast, we have a lot to do." Amadea: "I agree (looks at the notifications and suddenly the smile disappears from her face) Damn it. I don't think you're going to like this at all." Beata (looking at her phone): "What it is about? (opens notifications) What the hell?! Some reporter took a picture of us yesterday when we were standing by the river! The freaken hell with them!" Amadea: "I don't know why they found us to take photo of, we're not some stars or anything... We're just a small part of the whole festival." Beata: "They'd make an elephant out of a fly if they could make money out of it. (watches social media) Man, how many comments and messages on both my personal profile and that news... Some of the comments have really gone too far, I can't even read them." Amadea (looks at her profiles): "Same here. I'm going to try not to watch this until after the concert, I don't need any annoyance. Is there any use to deny this? I'll support whatever you decide." Beata: "We will not deny it. I love you and I'm not going to hide just because we're two girls. If it were a straight couple that would be the most normal thing, while this is like something important, for those who don't like it they don't have to pay attention. We weren't born to please the whole world." Amadea (kisses her): "I love you too, Bea. Let it be, this is none of their business."
They got up, went in the shower and got ready to go. The rest of the band was waiting in the hallway, there was a lot of tension. Tyrone (to Beata and Amadea): "You two are in a relationship?! It can change the band's reputation!" Leonel: "It's not natural for two people of the same gender to be in a relationship." Tyrone: "How can we defend ourselves against comments now? There's going to be a lot of trouble for this!" Leonel: "What if someone attacks us?" Beata (rolling eyes): "You are such a cry-babies, that's terrible! Tyrone, don't worry about the band's reputation, nothing will happen to it. Leonel, whether it's natural or not- I don't know, but Amadea and I truly love each other. If anyone can have problems because of it, it's the two of us, it won't affect the three of you. Brody, do you have anything to add?" Brody: "Just tell me if someone disturbs you, they'll have to deal with me. I am glad for you girls. I hope that Brennen and I will have the courage like you to formalize our relationship one day." Leonel: "Wait, you found a girl?" Brody: "Brennen is a man." Tyrone: "What?! Now you're fooling around with us because of this situation, aren't you? It's impossible for you, a crush of all single girls in the audience, to have... a boyfriend. (exhale) I can't even put it together in a sentence, let alone imagine it." Brody: "I was hiding it precisely because of these reactions. You'll see it won't affect you - times have changed and the LGBT+ community isn't as discriminated as it used to be." Tyrone: "Okay, I don't have anything against you personally now, I was just taking care of the band, that's all." Leonel: "I grew up in a patriarchal environment, so don't mind me not being able to support it right away. I'm not going to attack you for that, but I can't really support it right now." Amadea (approaches and starts peacefully): "It's okay. And that's enough to start with. It's impossible in a short time to change everything you've been taught since you were a kid, we're not even asking you to. You don't have to support what's opposite of your beliefs and your learning, there just doesn't have to be a conflict. We are still the same person as before, nothing has changed; our relationship is one thing, the band and us as persons are another. Don't think we're less fond of you for this." Leonel (smiles): "You're right, this has nothing to do with the band and you, you're both my friends, and Brody's a great friend of mine from the beginning, this won't affect my opinion of you as a person. As you said in one status, Amadea - if we condemn people for their actions and flaws, how can we expect someone to accept ours?" Tyrone: "Tonight we'll be great no matter what. Don't listen to anyone, now it's just the show that matters." Beata: "Absolutely. The five of us are concentrating on the gig today, there are people here who haven't heard of us and in any case we will try to stay in their good memory."
During the day they worked hastily on preparations, in the evening they were fully prepared for their turn to perform. Most of the people at the festival didn't care about the news from this morning or didn't even read them, a small part held rainbow flags, and there were some more aggressive ones that were barely restrained by security. They started with the first song, at first there was a standing ovation from the audience and then they could hear some comments. All members of the band tried their best to remain professional and not pay attention to some homophobic or lascivious comments, supporting each other with a slight nod. It was necessary to concentrate on every note or word, to invest energy because the audience always felt a lack of it and it should not have happened under any circumstances, not forgetting the "headbanging" (turning heads in the rythm of rock and metal music). It was all common for the show, but this time each member felt a considerable amount of tension, just wanting none of them to lose control (including themselves) and to go through it all without a problem.
After an hour and a half of balancing between excellent atmosphere and internal unrest, the concert was successfully completed. Members were just snuck off the stage when someone's voice was heard from the audience: "You two are sick, you're for an asylum! Kill yourself so you don't embarrass your family!"
Quite a few people looked at him with disagreement, while Amadea couldn't take it anymore, so she came back and took the microphone even though they were done performing. Amadea (calm and decisive voice): "No man has the right to take his personal displeasure out on others to the extent that he hurts a man who disagrees with his views. Personally, I don't consider love for a person of the same gender to be a disease, but let's be - then why are you attacking people you consider sick? Isn't that cruel? I'll never know what malice makes people humiliate each other and enjoy other people's misfortune. Psychology says they do it to make them feel better about their lives, it doesn't make sense to me - then where's the concept of conscience and empathy? Animals have more empathy than we humans, when have you seen animals hate each other because of the color of fur and similar trivialities? We humans consider ourselves reasonable beings, let's act accordingly to that. Neither Beata nor I had done anything to embarrass the family with, as I know in human society there is always something in our existence that bothers other people, if we constantly try to please others we will do the injustice to ourselves and we will never be satisfied, and neither will they, because they will always seek more changes.
Beata and I are in a relationship, but she's not just my partner - she's my honest friend, the person who inspires me and encourages me, the person responsible for this band's existence and for the fact that my lifeless body wasn't pulled from a nearby river a few months ago. (looks at the young man who was shouting) Don't worry about whether someone should kill themselves or not, no one should do it, especially not someone to talk them to do it, it's a crime and against any humanity. (Beata comes and grabs her hand) I hope you all find a person who will look at you the way Beata looks at me. That's it from me, get ready for a great band and be nice to yourself and others."
Beata and I are in a relationship, but she's not just my partner - she's my honest friend, the person who inspires me and encourages me, the person responsible for this band's existence and for the fact that my lifeless body wasn't pulled from a nearby river a few months ago. (looks at the young man who was shouting) Don't worry about whether someone should kill themselves or not, no one should do it, especially not someone to talk them to do it, it's a crime and against any humanity. (Beata comes and grabs her hand) I hope you all find a person who will look at you the way Beata looks at me. That's it from me, get ready for a great band and be nice to yourself and others."
Loud applause was heard and Beata and Amadea came off the stage, where the boys in the band were. Leonel: "I thought you were going to start yelling at the one in the audience, I said to myself - Now it's going to be a nasty problem." Amadea: "There is no need to shout, it's possible to make a point with calm words, although if he didn't listen even trumpets wouldn't help him. Who knows if anything got to his brain and heart if he was blinded by wanton hatred." Tyrone (looks to the audience): "Well, if it didn't reach him it reached most of people from the audience, they're thrilled with your speech." Brody (worried): "You tried to kill yourself?" Amadea (looks down and nods): "Yep." Brody (to Beata): "You saved her or... Beata (nods): "I went to see her in the house where she lived and I found her climbing the bridge fence." Amadea (looking around nervously): "Tell them the story, I'll be right back." Beata: "Where are you going?" Amadea: "Just to fix something, I won't be long."
Amadea manages to find a few ice cubes and a pinch of salt, then go to the toilet and start pressing ice against her skin, creating pain and redness. As the frozen salt melted there remained a red spot on the skin, still cold due to the cold ice. She knew that tomorrow there would be little blisters that would sting if they broke and that the red surface would stay on her arm for months, but she didn't care. Since that pain wasn't enough she hit her arm, then once again but harder, refraining from wailing.
Beata, after telling the others a story from earlier, went looking for Amadea around. She found her in the bathroom hitting her arms and head and ran towards her quickly. Beata (worried): "Ami, what's going on with you? It's all right, the concert went well, and you were great. Tell me what happened." Amadea: "I ruined everything. I've always ruined everything, I'm sorry I ruined your life, too. I put you in a very uncomfortable position in front of so many people." Beata: "You didn't put me in that situation, on the contrary, you calmed things down a bit. Does this have anything to do with the mention of suicide? I should have beaten that idiot..." Amadea: "No, a fight would make it worse, there would be an even more fierce conflict. In my case, he might be right. You can see I keep going back to the bottom."
Beata: "Are you going to listen to some idiot? We're going home tonight, you're going to get some sleep, and tomorrow we're going to get my stuff and see what happens next. There's more stuff in front of us, it's not over. (Amadea starts crying, she hugged her) I know this is all scaring you. I'm scared, too, honestly. In all this chaos, you represent some peace that keeps me sane and gives me the will to move on." Amadea: "You are the only thing worth continuing. You and the music. (smile wiping away tears) I could really use some music." Beata: "You can later play that German band Faun, "Federkleid" is sure to cheer you up a little bit. I also like that other song of them, like we're in some magical forest full of faeries." Amadea: "Ah, "Walpugisnacht"... They're both beautiful, though I had "Hydra- Black Cry" in mind, or something from the band Sirenia, some ballad from "Nightwish," or "Pearl Jam- Jeremy"... I have a playlist for moments like that." Beata (as they depart): "It's a long way to go so combine both. You'd feel worse listening only to depressing music, add a few more. You can't convince me that you're getting better with too many songs of heavy theme and slow rythm at once." Amadea: "I'll add. I put myself together a bit, it's time to pack up and go home. We have new obligations ahead of us."
Beata: "Are you going to listen to some idiot? We're going home tonight, you're going to get some sleep, and tomorrow we're going to get my stuff and see what happens next. There's more stuff in front of us, it's not over. (Amadea starts crying, she hugged her) I know this is all scaring you. I'm scared, too, honestly. In all this chaos, you represent some peace that keeps me sane and gives me the will to move on." Amadea: "You are the only thing worth continuing. You and the music. (smile wiping away tears) I could really use some music." Beata: "You can later play that German band Faun, "Federkleid" is sure to cheer you up a little bit. I also like that other song of them, like we're in some magical forest full of faeries." Amadea: "Ah, "Walpugisnacht"... They're both beautiful, though I had "Hydra- Black Cry" in mind, or something from the band Sirenia, some ballad from "Nightwish," or "Pearl Jam- Jeremy"... I have a playlist for moments like that." Beata (as they depart): "It's a long way to go so combine both. You'd feel worse listening only to depressing music, add a few more. You can't convince me that you're getting better with too many songs of heavy theme and slow rythm at once." Amadea: "I'll add. I put myself together a bit, it's time to pack up and go home. We have new obligations ahead of us."
After an hours-long night trip they arrived at their homes, agreeing to gather around 5 p.m. to sum up the results and the success of the tour.
Part XII- "Bloody tears"
The next day they went to Michelle's house together to get Beata's stuff. Michelle was finishing up breakfast when they came in.
Beata (to Michelle): "Good morning, Michelle." Michelle (amazed): "Wow, someone finally said my name right! (hugs Beata and handshakes with Amadea) You came here to get your stuff? It's going to be so empty without you." Beata: "You'll get used to it. Now you can bring the girls here as much as you like. (laughs)" Michelle: "How was your tour?" Beata: "Okay. We had a tense situation yesterday, but we did it. Honestly, we had a bigger problem with how you'd react than some guy who probably doesn't even know our names." Michelle: "You were worried about my reaction? You know how- not that I wasn't surprised, but I've repeatedly thought that you're more inclined to female gender. You reportedly jokingly mentioned it several times, there were some other signs of it, so I wasn't too amazed. What's a problem for me is that I offended your current girlfriend from the beginning. I'm sorry, Amadea. I was wrong about whether you can be a vocalist in a band and I said something else that hurt you." Amadea (nods): "I forgave it a long time ago for Beata. If we're honest, I didn't believe I could do anything either, only Beata believed it was possible." Beata: "You needed encouragement. You see how faith in one's qualities can do a lot." Michelle: "I'll help you pack and carry heavier boxes, I've arranged with a mate for transport to take the boxes to your apartment. You can always come and call me if you need anything." Beata: "Thank you, bro. You're such a king."
By 4 p.m. they managed to finish everything, leaving the unpacking for later because they had a meeting with the band. They've been browsing the news and social media to see if there's been any movement since the tour started.
Tyrone: "If we take away a few negative comments that have nothing to do with music - we're good, you might say excellent. And that speech of yours ended up getting a lot of support, it was posted as a video separately." Amadea (looks at them): "Kill me now, I have no idea what I was saying." Beata (joked): "You told you loved me more than anything in the world." Amadea: "Oh... Well, that's true. (smile) I'm sorry, guys, if I really said something weird." Brody (concerned): "Do you hit your head often? Maybe you damaged something, check it out. You don't just remember yesterday's speech or anything?" Amadea: "My whole past is like a mist, I have to work hard to remember something. There are things I remember better, but for year I have problem to remember events." Beata: "That doesn't sound good. Let's go to the doctor one day and check it out." Amadea: "I don't have any problem, but I'll grant your wish." Leonel: "People in the surrounding countries asked if we are coming to them, let's consider abroad next time. It's going to be a little more costly, but that's why we get fans there. After all, it all worked out, I was genuinely worried." Tyrone: "We will take advantage of this sudden interest from people, at least there is no negative publicity in our business." Brody: "Some things like posting online are fine for now, performing and rehearsals won't be until next week. Now we're all going to rest and get our strength back."
During the week, everyone was gathering energy for subsequent projects. Beata and Amadea posted pictures from the road, including photos they took of each other, surprising people who followed their profiles. They didn't care what reaction they would provoke because they were visually satisfied with the photos and wanted to put them as artistic photographs, with Amadea's earlier works. There were more positive than negative comments, unwittingly attracting more attention to the band and the quality of their music but also the attention of potentially dangerous people who could harm them without any cause.
At the beginning of the work week Amadea went for a head scan, so in the middle of the week she went to get the results. Doctor (looking at the results of the scan): "Why didn't you come sooner?" Amadea: "Honestly, I wouldn't even come now, I wanted one person not to worry. I guess I have some damage or something." Doctor: "Before I tell you the results I have to ask- where did you hurt your head? These are long-standing damages of varying intensity." Amadea (head down): "For more than half of my life I hit my head when I'm under too much stress... I'm prone to self-harm, but I don't want to talk about the details." Doctor: "I suggest you see a psychologist because of this problem, but now I am obliged to point out the consequences. (shows the scanner result) This right here... It's a tumor. It was caused by punches. It can be due to various factors, but this time the hitting is the most likely cause. Do you have nausea, headaches, did your vision and speech become difficult, do you have a depression, anxiety, aggression, is there a balance disorder..." Amadea (nervous): "Nausea and headaches are common, but it's a normal occurrence. My eyesight is a little blurry because my eyes are getting tired, I'm spluttering when I'm talking to people because I'm having trouble communicating, it's a little harder to keep my balance because I'm clumsy, and the psyche... It's been like that for over half a lifetime." Doctor (nods): "And you considered all these symptoms normal?" Amadea: "I already assumed I had brain damage or possibly a tumour, but it didn't matter to me because I had suicidal thoughts anyway. I don't care as far as I'm concerned, I just don't know what to say to the person who suggested me to come here." Doctor: "Wait a minute - have you done anything about suicidal thoughts?" Amadea: "Yes, I tried to silence them forever together with my brain. It doesn't matter now, it matters what to tell Beata when she asks me. I can't worry her... (imagines)" Doctor (grabbing his head): "We should see for therapy, should we try surgery..." Amadea: "I won't go. I don't want therapy, I don't want surgeries, so be it. I gotta go, there's my girlfriend waiting for me outside the hospital." Doctor: "Your condition will deteriorate, your life will get worse! (Amadea gets up and leaves) If you won't try for you then at least try it for your girlfriend!"
Amadea leaves the hospital as fast as she could, looking for Beata. She came to her expecting to hear the results. Beata (upset): "So, what are the results? Is there a problem? Is it curable? Oh, what a fool am I, I haven't even heard if there's a problem and I'm already asking if it's curable." Amadea (shaking): "Only... a minor brain damage. It doesn't affect quality of life. (looks down with shame for lying to Beata)" Beata (still upset): "That doesn't sound harmless. What did the doctor tell you, is there any therapy for that..." Amadea (hardly breathes): "He recommended that I keep my head away from more punches so as not to cause worse damage and to apply mint balm for pain. Let's go now, I see you're nervous, so I'll make you some tea at home. Or coffee. Whatever you want." Beata (looks at her): "I'll calm down, but what are you nervous about? You're saying it's not too scary, even though it doesn't seem very simple to me, I was worried it wasn't some tumor." Amadea (wide-eyed): Do you think it's time for the second album? I think now is a good time to prepare!" Beata (confused): "Are you thinking about the album now? You should rest for a while..." Amadea (tries to change the subject): "Oh, it's not the flu so I have to rest. Anyway, I have a song that I think would be a good introduction... (continues to talk as they walk towards the apartment)"
The following week they started with rehearsals, sometimes staying until dark. Amadea and Beata would normally return with bike, but this time the bike stayed in the parking lot and the two of them wanted to take a walk. They walked past some young men in the park without paying attention to their calling, but then two guys crossed their path, not allowing them to pass.
Young man 1: "Where are you, girls? Why don't you keep us company for a while?" Beata: "No thanks, we're in a hurry." Young man 2: "What a rush, with guys like this you'd like to run somewhere." Amadea: "We're already in a relationship." Young man 3 (approaches): "Can your boyfriends... um... satisfy you? You want to compare them a little bit to someone?" Beata (disgusted): "I don't want to discuss my pleasure with anyone, and we really don't care about your offer." Amadea: "Find someone who's interested, we're rushing home." Young man 4: "Your boyfriends can wait for a while." Beata: "We don't have boyfriends, we have a girlfriend. We're not interested in boys, you get it? Now get out of the way, we're tired of the band rehearsal." Young man 1: "Whoa! So you two are... Look at that!" Young Man 5 (approaches closer): "You're the ones from the band "Before Azoic", I heard about you. You were photographed kissing each other, embarrassment of our city! Let's kick the hell out of them, maybe their brains will move and they'll get back to normal." Young Man 3 (gets close to Amadea): "Wait, bro, there are other ways to get them
"back to normal"... (puts his hand on Amadea's shoulder, she turns around and punches him with fist) You... You stupid jerk! Ah... My nose is bleeding because of you! (hits Amadea so she falls to the ground, Beata hits him harder) You want to fight too?! Well, we wanted to have a good time with you, but since you act like men then we'll treat you that way!"
"back to normal"... (puts his hand on Amadea's shoulder, she turns around and punches him with fist) You... You stupid jerk! Ah... My nose is bleeding because of you! (hits Amadea so she falls to the ground, Beata hits him harder) You want to fight too?! Well, we wanted to have a good time with you, but since you act like men then we'll treat you that way!"
Amadea quickly stood up and tried to defend herself alongside Beata, but the five against the two was already lost fight. They soon ended up on the ground while men punched them with their fists and kicked them in the back and stomach. All around them was the blood they were coughing, suffocating in their own blood, but those five wouldn't stop hitting until they passed out. The hooligans escaped, sickly satisfied with their insane act, while Amadea and Beata laid motionless in a deserted park.
Part XIII- "Little Lies"
Amadea wakes up in the hospital room in severe pain, looking for Beata. She took off hospital devices and tried to get up, making painful grimaces all the time. The nurse entered the room.
Nurse (runs up to her): "No, you can't go anywhere! Do you see what condition you are in, where are you going? "Amadea: "Where is Beata? What is her condition? " Nurse: "She had internal bleeding and severe liver damage, so she had to have surgery. The surgeons barely healed her injury, they will bring her here later when she wakes up. The police will also have to take statements from you, the other patient's brother insisted to sue them."Amadea (nodding her head):" You can take a statement from me immediately ... (grabs her head in sudden pain) The freaken hell, how they hit me on the head! " Nurse (brings her to bed): "There is a danger for you that your tumor will suddenly increase, although there are also problems with your heart. We also found damage to your lungs, and Miss Beata has damage from punches to her kidneys and spleen. Bruises and places with minor damage not to mention, you were lucky enough there was a man who called an ambulance because you would both pass quickly. Don't strain, we've barely got your heart back to normal, you have a weaker heart due to a lack of blood because the heart works faster to pump more blood."Amadea:" I know about it. (exhale) If something happens to Beata I won't even need that heart, I'll rip it out along with all the arteries. " Nurse: "Don't say that, it will be fine. (they bring Beata) Here she is. "Amadea (quietly in great pain): "Bea, are you all right? " Beata (smiles): "Now that I see that you are really alive, I am. They told me you were, but I don't believe it until I'm convinced. (they put her to bed) Damn it, bro, this hurts. Are you in pain too?" Amadea:" Yes. I've been hit more in the area of my lungs and head. You got more hurt on stomach and back. " Beata (worried): "They hit you in the head?! (to the doctor) Doctor, did they make the brain damage worse?!" Amadea: "No, calm down ..." Doctor:" There is a possibility that the tumor will suddenly increase, we will follow the changes ..." Beata (shocked): "What tumor?! You have a tumor, Ami? You know from a week ago, don't you?" Amadea (gulped): "Now is not the time to discuss it, your situation is difficult ... We will talk when you feel better." Beata (inhale and exhale): "And when you thought to tell me, when it gets so bad that you can no longer hide?" Doctor (to both): "Don't strain now, you were both close to death and we barely brought you back to life. We will leave you to rest, later we can let the visitors see you. (leaving)"
Beata (looks at Amadea): "Why did you lie to me? You know there wasn't a need for that, I'd stay with you no matter what." Amadea (looks at her): "Since you've already found out then I'm not going to lie to you about the whole situation; at first I didn't want to worry you because I've had this nonsense in my brain for a long time and I guess it could have been a while without any major problems. Second, I don't want to have surgery, there's no specific medicine that can heal tumors so I can take that." Beata (exhale): "There was no need to keep it from me. It's true that I would try to convince you of surgery or some form of treatment, but still..." Amadea (shy, on the verge of tears): "Sorry, Bea. I'll understand if you're mad at me, I deserve it. I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore, I know you despise lies, honestly, I've despised myself since the day I lied to you. It would be better if these fools killed me, I deserved it. I'm sorry, I'm going to shut up." Beata: "I'm not angry, I just don't want to lose you. I'm worried about you. If I didn't have these devices all over my body I'd come to you and give you a hug. Please don't keep things like that from me anymore, okay?" Amadea (nods): "Okay. I'm sorry to put you in awkward situations." Beata: "It's not your fault, especially not this right now. Just to get out of here, I'm going to break their bones, to all five of them." Amadea: "Don't strain. You've had surgery, you need to rest." Beata: "Since your heart stopped at one point I can say the same about you. Let's rest together, you for me and me for you. (smiles) It hurts like hell, but I'll try to take a nap." Amadea (set on a pillow with a painful grimace): "Agree. Anything else can wait a while."
At the end of the day, they had band members and Michelle come to them. Michelle (from the door): "Oh, my God, what have those savages done to you? What man punches a girl, plus five men on two girls- unbelievable!" Amadea (quietly because of the pain): "They wanted to do something else, but we wouldn't let them, so they beat us up." Beata: "Honestly, I'd rather choose this than what they wanted first. If there were two of them we'd beat them, but there were more." Tyrone (to Amadea): "Should we inform your parents to come? No one told them." Amadea: "No, not at all... I'd better not drag them into this, they'd ask me to come home." Leonel: "Do you remember what these maniacs looked like? Maybe one of us knows them, we'll show them what it's like to have a fight with our friends." Beata: "Leave it for now, we'll sue them all, now we'll take the time to recover, want it or not. They've really messed us up." Brody: "Sure, there'll be time for everything, recover completely. We've been told by the doctors what injuries you've sustained, I can't believe what happened. I don't understand why they attacked you so hard."
Amadea: "Because one of them recognized us and said we were in a relationship, the other one came to touch me and I hit him with my fist, then he hit me. Bea knocked him out for it, and then the fight started... At least there was a fight in the beginning, when we could defend ourselves. Then they were the only ones hitting us while we were lying on the ground." Brody: "You were attacked because of your orientation?! Man..." Tyrone (to Brody): "You see it's better to arrest them, they can attack Brannen and you or someone else." Amadea (numb): "If I hadn't hit that bastard they might not have beaten Beata. I'm kind of guilty." Beata: "Ami, don't blame yourself, he attacked you first. I'd knock out anyone who'd touch you. (to Michelle) She keeps thinking it's her fault, I can't explain to her that it's not true." Michelle (to Amadea): "You may not notice but, if we exempt this situation, Beata seems considerably happier and smiles again. That's why I didn't say anything about your relationship, you made her more satisfied and gave her the energy to be herself again, maybe even better than before, while before that she was kind of cranky, I don't know how to describe it." Beata (looks at him grumpily): "Uh, how you described me... I wasn't at my best, now I've even reduced alcohol use and I haven't smoked a cigarette in at least four months." Michelle: "There you go. She never wanted to give up that because of me." Leonel: "Michelle, bro, you're not much of an example. (laughs)" Michelle (frowns): "I wanted to be an example how not to be. Anyway, I don't know if Beata mentioned it to you, but she had this hard time when she was really over-drinking, and one night she just broke and... (Beata shows him with her eyes not to continue the story)... and she overdosed on pills. She went to see a psychologist afterwards, her friend Fernanda and I were by her side but with you she looks really better, she's really happy again. I see you are also happy with her, it would be a shame to separate you." Amadea (looks at Beata): "You didn't tell me you tried to kill yourself too." Beata: "I'll tell you about it. You didn't tell me about your brain tumor either, so let's call it even. We're not going to hide anything from each other anymore. (smiles)" Leonel: "You have a brain tumor?" Amadea (moves arm): "It's the least important thing now. I'm more worried about returning my voice to normal, it hurts to breathe." Tyrone: "Don't bother talking, maybe it makes it harder for you. Don't lose your voice." Brody (to Beata): "Did they fix your liver?" Beata: "Yes, but it's still risky if I have more effort. It's going to be the hella boring to just lie here like this, I can't wait us to rock again." Michelle: "First recover, then we'll go to concerts and wherever you want. (holds back the tears) Just to get through this." Beata (nods): "It's going to be okay."
The nurse said the visit was over, so the boys said goodbye and got out, while the girls soon felt asleep under the influence of painkillers and sedatives.
Part XIV- "Covered by roses"
A few days later they were released for home treatment with notes not to strain themselves. In the following days they were forbidden to do more difficult physical work, to practice singing/ playing guitar, to ride a motorcycle... Michelle was their helping hand, not allowing them to do anything that could make their condition worse.
Morning; Beata's listening to music on the phone, Amadea's getting ready to go somewhere. Beata (confused): "Where are you going? If you need something to buy, Michelle will come later, so tell him." Amadea (kisses her): "I'm going to get something that won't put us in these situations anymore, I've arranged to shop through the dark web. I'll be back in about an hour." Beata (worried): "What did you buy?" Amadea: "The gun. (Beata gets shocked) We'll take it with us in risky situations." Beata (slowly rising): "But it's a ilegal! If they find that gun, you can go to jail!" Amadea: "Either to jail with it or to the grave without it. You can see the police didn't do anything and we were both almost dead. All my life I hope this world will reduce condemnation and discrimination, and here's how far it's come! All my life I've endured all kinds of ridiculing and humiliation, and now that I'm supposed to finally live more normally with the person I care about they're destroying even that! I don't want to be afraid to go through town at night just because we're girls or because we're in a relationship or for whatever reason. What I stand for in life and in my art are freedom, equality and peace, but it seems that peace is impossible to have without war in this society. No one will humiliate us like this anymore." Beata: "I'm not sure it's a smart idea, if you kill someone with that gun..." Amadea: "They didn't think will they kill us either. (leaving)"
It's been a few days since that - their condition has improved slightly, with both of them being annoyed by that they can't sing/ play at full capacity. Beata had nightmares several times, which would take her out of her sleep every time. She told Amadea that she had dreamed of her deceased father, and that the nightmare then turned into the night they were attacked, ending with falling into the abyss. This worried Amadea very much, worrying about whether this nightmare signifies the past, present and future, so she looked after Beata in order to be prepared if she noticed the slightest change up in her condition and thus prevent potential problems.
She ignored the worsening of her symptoms - worsening headaches, blurry vision, frequent nausea due to a severe damage to the head, with occasional suffocation and heart failure. Occasionally, she would cough blood, immediately throwing bloody tissues into the toilet because she didn't want to get upset about it. It scared her if everything was going to be okay with Beata, while comforted herself that her symptoms were temporary.
A quiet evening; Michelle went home, Beata and Amadea sit hugged on the couch with headphones in their ears. Beata (quiet): " "Cementary Gates" by the Pantera is over, followed by "Desert Inferno" by the band Razorwyre. What an epic intro." Amadea (looks at her): "It's even more magnificent when I listen to it with you. (they listen to the song in silence) Perfect for headbanging, but we can't." Beata: "There'll be time for that, we'll be back on stage. You've seen how many people stand by us, we have support from different parts of the world. (new song begins) Um, this song is... Rammstein. The band is Rammstein, I don't know the song." Amadea: " "Sonne". (Sun) I don't know if you remember that video with Snow White..." Beata: "Yes, yes... Everyone knows about "Du Hast" but this one is just as beautiful. I know you want to sing, but don't strain your vocal cords." Amadea: "I'm trying, but all this music makes me wanna sing along. I'm used to following a tune or singing." Beata (smiles seductively): "I know how you won't be tempted... (kisses her gently) How about this?" Amadea (smiles): "I think it will be effective. (kisses her back) I love you. I wouldn't have bear it if something had happened..." Beata: "Shh... We're not going to talk about difficult topics right now. (sees song list) "Doro Pesch- Love me in black". This is the right song for us." Amadea: "The song has no happy ending. I don't know how our story goes, but it doesn't have to end like that." Beata (listens to the lyrics): "This is how you were insecure at the beginning. (tightens Amadea harder in her arms) You're the nicest thing that's ever happened to me. Thank you for letting me meet you." Amadea (whispers): "Thank you for not giving up on me, in your place many didn't even try to reach me. You're what I wanted, someone who would fully understand me. I hope you know how much you mean to me. (breathing heavily) I was dead for years, and you gave me life again." Beata: "You showed me what happiness is. All those pains would be nothing compared to losing you. I'll do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen, you've become part of my soul without which everything falls apart. (song ends, Beata turns off music) Are you asleep, Ami? (see Amadea is not breathing) Ami?! (panicked) Ami, what's happening, open your eyes... Amadea, wake up! (calling Michelle) Bro, sorry to bother you, Amadea stopped breathing! She needs to go to the hospital. (feels abdominal pain) The hell with this pain! Are you coming?" Michelle (scared): "I'm calling an ambulance to get to the apartment right away, wait for them there and I'll pick you up, we'll go right after them. Okay?" Beata (shaking): "Okay, just hurry up! (continues to call out to Amadea, at the same time holding on to her stomach in pain)"
Ambulance quickly arrived for Amadea while Michelle drove Beata in his car. Somewhere halfway through, Beata's condition got worse and the pain became unbearable, so Michel was in a hurry to get to the hospital as soon as possible. Amadea was taken to the emergency department, where her condition was found to have deteriorated over the past few days.
Michelle and Beata arrived shortly after the van. Beata got really sick and went to the bathroom right away to wash her face, but she had to throw up first. She realized something was wrong again when she vomited large amounts of blood, so she barely made it to the bathroom door and passed out in the hallway.
***
Another wake-up in the hospital room. Amadea looks around and says, "Oh, damn it, I'm here again. (concerned) Bea probably got really worried for no reason, I need to find her and give her a hug. I'm such a bad-luck person, we just had a nice evening and something has to destroy it, the hell with it. (covers herself with a sheet) They could have at least left me a suit instead of these hospital clothes... (coughs and spits out blood)... Of course. (goes to the door)"
She saw Michelle crying in the hallway, he noticed her and came to her. Michelle: "Why did you get up? Let's go inside, I have to tell you something. Amadea (scared): "Where's Beata? Is everything all right with her?! (Michelle cries again) WHAT HAPPENED TO BEATA?!!!" Michelle: "She got worse, you know she hasn't healed well... She fainted in the hallway... They took her to the surgery room because she was bleeding internally again... (shakes)... Her internal organs were failing from injuries. (cries) She passed away just over an hour ago."
Amadea falls to her knees, breathing heavily, completely devastated. Quietly she said, "I should have died, I didn't deserve to have her by my side, I wasn't worthy of her." Michelle (kneels in front of her): "As we drove here Beata told me to look after you if anything happened to her, as if she knew... Yesterday you stopped breathing, she thought you were dead and panicked... "Amadea (shouts): "Why didn't I die, damn it? They shouldn't have helped me. (hits her head) Come on, you stupid brain, now betray me, now!" Michelle (stops her): "Don't, it's not your fault. I can blame the whole world out of desperation, but it wouldn't be fair. You know who's the culprit, but you can see they won't be punished! You can see they didn't do anything about your case, damn it!" Amadea (numb): "Don't worry... There's someone who's going to punish them. (gets up and goes out in the hallway)" Michelle (goes after her): "Where are you going? You need to rest." Amadea (decisive): "Tomorrow I'll rest, now I have work to do. Where are my things?" Michelle (put hands on her shoulders and look her in the eyes): "I know you're broken for this, too, but don't do anything stupid." Amadea: "I won't. I want to dress up for a start so I don't go down the hall in this like a fool." Michelle (shows): "There's a wardrobe, I'll ask them to bring you your clothes." Amadea (nods): "Thank you."
Amadea puts on her things, takes the key to the apartment from Michelle and, even though he was trying to stop her, she went back to the apartment to get something she needed.
Part XV- "Last Resort"
In the apartment she quickly went to the drawer where she kept the gun, not having the strength to look around for too long because every corner reminded her of Beata. Passing by, she took a framed picture of her, pulled it out of the frame and kissed it. "Those bastards will regret messing up with you, my only one. Now I have to be decisive, later I'll let myself cry, my soul breaks at the thought that you're forever gone. To me, you're never dead anyway, you can't be dead. Now I have to put myself together and do what I have to do."
On the way out she met Michelle, who was just entering the building, pushed the keys of her apartment into his hands with one brief: "Take it" and head outside. He called her back, she quickly got into the first taxi and told destination to a driver.
She's arrived at the park. It was already dawning, the sun had just appeared but she hoped she'd be lucky enough to find the ones she came for. She only found two of those five in the park. With a look of anger and despair, she stood before them.
Young man 1: "Look, here's the one who likes girls..." Amadea (furious): "A girl. The one and only." Young man 2 (approaching): "You came to change your mind? (laughs)" Amadea (points a gun at them): "Shut up, bastard. (both gulped) You jerks made me spend this night in the hospital, because you smashed my head so lovely. I've been vomiting blood for days, screaming because of pain, my heart stopped at one point. But do you, dumb violent creatures, know what else you've done? Do you know?! Of course you don't know, if you knew something you wouldn't be drinking here, but you'd be doing something useful. You jerks have damaged organs of my beloved Bea so badly that you've made her die! I have more mercy than you, pathetic excuses for human beings, I don't want to torture you for days like we were strugling, but I'm going to blow your head with a bullet right now. Too bad you're not all present so I can start in order." Young Man 1 (shaking): ,We... We didn't want it to go that far... We didn't want to kill anyone!" Young man 2: "We were drunk that night and..." Amadea: "Really? You do not say! So, if you get drunk and beat someone up for fun, that's fine?! And how far did you want to go, you fools? Huh? Who's going to be responsible for Beata's death?! Obviously no one. That's why I'm here, somehow I no longer believe in cosmic justice because if there was justice I'd be working with my Bea on another album, we'd wake up grateful for every day we spend with each other, we'd have long philosophical conversations that most people couldn't understand, feel the warmth of the embrace of the person who represents the whole world to us. Why did you destroy it?! What have we done to you?! Just because we're two girls? What, only straight couples can have a happy ending? Well, I won't give your girlfriends, if you have them, a chance to enjoy with you. (laughs at herself) Like I'd do something so terrible, you don't even have feelings - how could your girlfriends feel the love next to you? I'd turn out to have something against straight couples even though I don't, and I've always hated the human trait to generalize and put everyone in the same box. Anyway... (pointing gun to the one of them) To shoot you first, this bastard will be here right away to keep you company."
Michelle runs up behind her and says, "Stop! Amadea, what are you doing?! This won't solve the problem!" Amadea (slightly turned): "What, do you think they should kill me? Good. (throws the gun at their feet) Come on, get it over with." Michelle (gets close): "What on earth are you doing?" Amadea: "Get out of the way, I don't want you to get shot. (opens arms) What the hell are you waiting for, rat bastard? Shoot!" Young man 1: "I... I can't shoot... I'm not a murderer..." Amadea: "Yes, son, you sure are. You killed Beata, and you killed me along with her. Now finish me off so I won't suffer anymore." Michelle (to young men): "Go to hell both of you! Come on, get lost! (they're running away with a running pace)"
Amadea (run for the gun, Michelle hurrys to get it before her but she gets there first): "You let them get away?! You let your sister's killers go, what the hell?!!!" Michelle: "There are police waiting for them, I called them before I came here. Give me that gun, you know Beata wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. She even told me to look after you, I'd let her down if anything happened to you." Amadea (nervous): "I won't stay. Not because I'm physically not right, but because she represented the life that was given to me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be dead or I'd still be living like a maid who's just fulfilling her daily chores. I couldn't have imagined such beautiful moments that I actually lived with Beata, I feel honored that she chose me. It's not your fault for anything that happens..." Michelle: "Amadea, leave that damn gun, I beg you." Amadea: " ... And I wish you success with the band. Wish Tyrone, Leonel and Brody good luck on my behalf. (presses the gun to the heart and moves backwards) And tell Brody that he should never be ashamed of his orientation, to tell everyone who have problem with it to mind their own business and that there is too much negativity in this world and without all those judgments of others." Michelle (approaches): "That's what you're going to tell them in person, put that damn thing down. Don't make me force it out of your hand." Amadea (her eyes fill with tears): "I didn't get to visit Bea this morning, put blue flowers on her coffin and grave on my behalf, I'm sorry I can't say goodbye to her. Maybe it's better that way, let her stay alive forever for me."
The birds from the park fly from the trees at the same time, frightened by the sound of gunshots breaking the morning silence. Michelle catches Amadea in his arms, panickily trying to stop the bleeding, but her already weak heart soon stopped. Tears on her face shimmered with the first rays of sunshine, falling into a puddle of blood.
***A year later***
Crowds gathered in the town square, waiting for the musicians to take to the stage set for the occasion. Brody, Tyrone, Leonel and Michelle took to the stage and Brody started giving a speech in front of the crowd:
"It's been exactly a year since our dear friends and bandmates Beata and Amadea left us. In cooperation with the city administration, we decided to give this concert in their honor, because music was the essence of both of them, a thread that connected them so strongly that they left this world together. (raises the white flag) Today we will raise white flags - not in the color of the rainbow, not in any particular color, but pure white flags. You're wondering- why didn't we take the rainbow flags, even though Amadea and Beata were somehow killed for their love? Because with these white flags we symbolize peace - not surrender, but peace. We live in a world where peace is the noun we all supposedly want, and how much do we actually contribute? And why is peace synonymous with weakness, when it takes more courage to defeat the prejudices we have towards others than to attack those we consider worse or weaker than ourselves? The only moral obligation we have to other beings is not to hurt them, and for the rest there is no one who will say what is right and wrong because there is no right and wrong in life, there is more than one way for everything and each one is right in its own way. How many people were killed because of nationality, religion, orientation, opposing attitudes, even different way of dressing? This flag is there for all of them, not just the LGBT+ population, because Beata and Amadea believed in such a world where people will respect each other regardless of diversity, and in a world where people will look after other species that inhabit this planet, because animals and plants are just as important to our planet as we are. The five hooligans who inflicted grievous bodily harm to them are in prison, it may be justice for the legal aspects of this case, but the real satisfaction of justice will be if something like this never happens again."
They started performing a song "Love You to Death- Kamelot". The song was sung by Michelle, who also played guitar, trying to stay strong during the performance, but he couldn't stop a few tears that were falling secretly despite his efforts not to cry.
"I will always be with you, I'm the anchor of your sorrow,
There's no end to what I'll do cause I love you
I love you to death..."
White flags were flying in the wind as symbols of peace, while the melody was carried through the streets further away. For the next hour the songs took turns, after which the music went silent and people slowly dispersed, except for a smaller group of people who, along with the band members and Michelle, headed to the cemetery with bouquets of blue flowers in their hands. They moved with dignity in silence, but inside them a scream could be heard up to the sky, dispersing black birds that covered the sky.
In the end... All that's left is the story.
The End
17 January 2021 06:45 a.m
Typing completed 23.01.2021 8:00 am
Suzana Ristic Suza
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17 January 2021 06:45 a.m
Typing completed 23.01.2021 8:00 am
Suzana Ristic Suza
------------------------------------
THE DISSCUSION
It's been quite a while since I've written the disscusion - if you don't count those few sentences in "Dream Reaper" I think "Lollypop" is the last story with the complete disscusion. I've hated writing it since I published stories, typing texts and translations is taking up a lot of time.
This story retained the standard morbidity of my stories, and it would be perfect time to write a disscusion because this is my longest story yet with my fifteen parts+ disscusion, started on my 25th birthday (I know, years passed so quickly, I don't even know what year it is) and ended in mid-January. I just wanted to (finally) write a story that would reach at least half big notebook with hard covers, that was the intention for "Dream Reaper," then "Gold and Ash" but I was able to write everything I wanted in them on significantly fewer pages than planned. For this story, however, I had no particular idea, except to make a love story as well as in "Artists Live Forever" just to make story with girl characters here, but I dared again to create the end in my style with a combination of other topics. This is certainly not a copy of any of my stories, but it does contain elements of a few of them - a tragic love story like "Artists Live Forever," the love of two girls like in "L.O.V.E.," an impact on a larger group of people like in "Gold and Ash" a dramatic ending as in several of my stories. It's never my intention to just write the best story - I don't consider it a task that should only be done at any cost or a school test where the goal is to get the best grade, but my intention is to put together an idea as a whole that I will be satisfied with. It usually ends in someone's death in a story (and usually the main characters), it's probably because of the state my brain is in. I'm always glad when someone likes what I write, but I've never written anything exclusively to please as many readers as possible. I prefer to publish the story after writing, with as little watching TV as possible, searching the internet and reading other stories as I write so that I don't unwittingly insert some of the viewed/ read (on the contrary, if the theme of my story matches someone's else I try my best that they have as little in common as possible, there's no point in writing something that's identical to the existing one), when my imagination works faster then I can write faster and here it's been a little slower.
In the story I mentioned some songs that I personally love, each chapter I named after one song of the bands I listen to that fit into the theme of the chapter. There's still a lot of bands I haven't mentioned, the story should have at least 100 parts to mention only half the songs I love (more like several hundreds of parts, but you get the point :D)
"Gold and Ash" was probably the story with the most social themes, "Onyx 2- Fire in the Wings" had to be positive because it had a full recovery from depression as theme, and here we have a love story, self-destruction, music and discrimination. The title is composed as a combination of three colors and three concepts: Crimson- represents the event when Amadea and Beata were hurt, as well as everything related to the event, including the way Amadea died. Blue- that part represents Amadea and Beata as persons, as well as their relationship. Blue is an intellect, but also a melancholy, and both face their difficult emotions and insecurities through the story. The snow is associated with white flags from the end, which in this story symbolize peace and acceptance of others. From chapter 11 to the end those colors overlap, creating chaos. I was thinking about the title after the writing was over and I was in a dilemma about how to merge the themes into a meaningful title, I just happened to come up with a combination of these three words and somehow it aligned to represent three different colors (I love it when everything has a harmony ^_^)
I don't want to take too long, I'll probably be bored of typing this too, so I won't over-analyze it or anything, if necessary I'll easily add something :D. Will there be more stories? I don't know that right now. As far as I'm concerned, that was enough, but tell that to my brain who thinks about all sorts of crazy things all the time, so it's going to be questionable (to avoid situation from "Dream Reaper" when I said it's over and then wrote four more after that). That's it, at least for now.
The End
17 January 2021 2:55 pm
S.R.S.
17 January 2021 2:55 pm
S.R.S.
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