Kingdom of Eternal Darkness (2017)- full story

The story is not for under the age of 15, the depressing atmosphere from the beginning to the end, the self-destructive parts, the recollection of characters from my stories that ended lives and reminder of their methods of death, a personal perspective.
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19.1.2017

-I am here again. This is the darkest part of the Kingdom of the Dead, but only here I feel like myself. Here I belong.

 The dark blue sky stretched over me until the muddy river softly called me, wanting my horrendous reflection to scratch on its surface until it was lost in the depth of this evening. "You're here again? I knew you would come soon. You can't go without us." - I knew it was Melody, to whom this is a typical way to greet someone.

"Yes," - I started, "This is the place for me. The Kingdom of the Dead for a person who is dead inside. The most beautiful are the places that you create on your own, you know that they are only yours and that others are not allowed to enter. When you let them in, they ruin everything with their interfering, and you know they are not able to even imagine half of this imaginary world, let alone to live in one." Melody: "Exactly, but you're not normal. I'm not normal either. Normals ... eh, they don't understand. The personality disorder is not part of you, but you become it. They think of it as a game, they think you want to make them smile or to amaze them, that you are a childish or mysterious person ... and then you are upsetting them because they get bored, and you know that you don't have many choices. It's in you and controls you." Me: "That's why I'm coming back here- you can't complain about me, plus I want to stay here." Melody: "By the way, you've been 'executed' a few more people again." Me: "I didn't kill anyone, I ..." (pause) Okay, it was stronger than me. But I brought Sue back from the dead! " Melody:" Sheesh, she wasn't COMPLETELY dead. I mean, you pulled Lana out, you even got Sue out somehow, but you brought: Klarissa, Clodita, Sage, Alton, yourself, Edna, even Becky! " I (looked at her sharply): "Shut up. Just because you're older doesn't mean you're smarter." Melody (surprised): "You deny it? There is no purpose, you are aware of the situation and now you are probably killing yourself inside." I (furiously): "Get off me, Melody! I don't write such stories because I am a killer, but because I don't know what to do with myself anymore. (leaving)"

 This part of the Kingdom is not neither in the Territory of the Good nor in the Territory of Evil, but some of us, like Nelly and Mion, can go on both parts. Our part is called the Territory of the Eternal Darkness, also known as the Kingdom of the Eternal Darkness; here are all of us who have taken away our lives in one of the stories. We have a special territory because we aren't really evil, yet in Kingdom of the Good everything is idyllic and too beautiful for our decaying minds.

 On the border with the Kingdom of Good, I met Princess Blackhaired. Blackhaired: "I'm sick of this damn idyll behind me ... Can I go to your side? I don't want to be in this paradise if I will never see this child I carry, I don't want it to be forever in me if it can't be born! " I (quietly):" That's the problem, it's not born, yet it exist. I'll think something, it's not smart to come to this side. "

 In the distance, the sound of the motorbike was heard - Red came to visit the princesses of the Golden Kingdom. Looking at me, she came down from the motorbike and walked toward me. "Hey, how's it going? I doubt it's fine speaking that you're here." - she said, moving her luscious fire hair backwards. I: Well, it's not great. Where is Black? " Red: "Hanging out with Edna at the moment. Black reminds Edna of her girlfriend, with two of them being only friends. Black can easily go to your territory since ... you know already." Me: "I know. Well, it's good she has someone to hang out while you're going to see the princesses. They have a common topics. "

 Red said goodbye to me and continued her way, and I continued to walk through the dead earth. I saw flower on the ground, it was beautiful purple colored, spreading a fragrant scent, so I dared to pick it up. I just touched it and it began to wither under my fingers. I'm destroying everything that is nice.

 There's Klarissa. I greeted her slowly and talked to her. Klarissa: "Here is same as there, in the real world, but here I am not alone. I am hanging out with Melody." I (laughed): "Can you stand her ? " Klarissa: "After a few glasses of alcohol, I can stand anyone (a mild laughter), but Melody is not bad even like this. And there is Nameless, I agree with her too." I: "Um...Nameless?" Klarissa: "Yes, from your story-poem, 'Dying again'. We call her Nameless. "I:" Is there anyone else nearby? " Klarissa: "I think I saw that medieval girl ..." I: "Clodita?" Klarissa: "Yes, Clodita and Becky ... Why did you bring Becky, when we already mentioned it?" Me: "To show the world that a suicide can happen to younger person too. In those years I was thinking about suicide attempts , but I did it later, at the age of sixteen. Good, I'm going to them. " Klarissa: "Okay, I'll wait for Nameless."

 In the distance, Becky and Clodita sat on a green grass and read the book, and then Clodita saw me and shouted: "Here, we are here!" ,so I went to them. I : "Reading?" Becky: "Today we read Tolstoy." Clodita (cheerful): "Reading is so fun! During my lifetime, I couldn't learn writing and reading because of the conditions in our time, but now I have made up everything with Becky! She is a very smart girl ! " Becky: "And you are smart, Clodita, only you didn't have the opportunity to study. I've never met a person who loves books so much like me!" I: "It's so nice ... if we're not here, then everything would be perfect. " Becky: "The only thing I dislike is that I rarely see Teyna, but I'm surrounded by books here and I feel free." Me: "But I mustn't forget the fact that you are only fourteen. Maybe Melody is right- you're too young to be here ... "Becky:" What about all the people who were younger than me when they ended their life? I tell you, I'm fine, but my death must be the lesson to parents to listen to their children and their needs. "I: "If you say so ..." Becky (changing the subject): "Do you know that Clodita has a talent for drawing?" (takes a drawing) Look, this is her work." Clodita (blushing):" Well,it is not so good ... " I:" I agree that it is not good - it's EXCELLENT. It's a perfect combination of lines connected in the perfect abstract image. Very hypnotizing. " Clodita:" Oh, thank you! I wouldn't even know that I have the talent for that if Becky didn't help me discover it. " I: "I'm leaving you to read, and I'm going on." Both: "See you later!"

 Returning to the place from where I went, I found the last "victims" of my stories - Sage and Alton. Sage is, in fact, a much more realistic version of Melody; Melody is more inspired by my alter ego and the Sage by the potential direction of events in my career. Alton ... so magical and seemingly perfect for Sage. Sage, seeing me, told Alton that she would be back soon and went to me.

 Sage: "Why did you bring Alton? Why?! (starts to cry)"  I: "He was bond to you and ... I know I should skip that, I decided to add it right after the scene with your death." Sage: "It's better that just I died and that he remained alive and continued to create ... I can't stand someone to be destroyed because of me and you know it! I am unworthy of that angel ... "Me:" You are not. That is why I brought Alton here, to show you that you are not unworth and that you worth more than you think. I know very well that you had to throw away all the people because of those few idiots who have emotionally hurt you, so you have suppressed the urge that is at the root of the borderline disorder- a desire for a person who will trust you, who will love you back and show you humanity. Look at what we have turned into! " Sage:" I want to let him in my heart ... I feel something towards him, something ... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know are these true emotions or is this damn disorder! I don't know how to be in relationship, I don't know ... "Me:" I understand you. By that principle Melody's relationship has failed ... but ... Alton was created so that he won't leave you. Go to him and embrace him. That will be enough. You don't have to get in the relationship, they are made to be built up slowly to become stable, not to get in them just like that, it's not a video game so you play one, then another one. "

 Sage went to Alton and leaned her head over him. Alton: "Is everything all right?" Sage: "I feel safe with you. I want you to stay like that for a while. Sounds silly, but I want to know that someone is protecting me , that someone needs me. " Alton (embraced her): "I'm protecting you. I showed you that you mean more to me than my life." Sage: "Why did you jump from the hotel roof because of me?" Alton: "For the same reason you tried to kill yourself after the seventh concert- connection. You showed us that band meant to you more than life, and we've somehow let you down, especially me. Because of my stupid proposal you got to this." Sage:" You didn't let me down, and your suggestion was well-meant, it just caused the wrong reaction to me, I told you I understand why you said it. I had the feeling that I let you down. " Alton: "I should have prevented you from taking your life after the last concert, I agreed with Shade to prevent you from jumping, but you had a cyanide ..." Sage: "You couldn't do anything, I was ready for all options. Only, I wasn't ready that you'll join me ... "Alton:" Remember your life motto 'a human is born to die'? I saw enough things in life, Sage, and I lived a life how I could , but I still wasn't complete. You made me complete. " Sage: "If you continue to talk about such things, I won't refrain from kissing you, but I don't know if I should." Alton: "Don't ask me, you know that I don't refuse the kiss of such a sweet girl. I would love to always kiss you . "

 It was so unusual to see the potential myself kissing this perfect guy, because, from this perspective, the whole thing with relationships and love doesn't make sense. From all my troubles I laughed to myself and the fact that even here, in the Kingdom of the Eternal Darkness, characters are happier than me anywhere else. "You will find it hardest to get your harmony from all of us- you are created like that, in a completely stupid way." Melody. Of course it's her.

 Me: "Do you enjoy to destroy me?" Melody: "Not really. I only remind you of the fact that you will fall down sooner or later. Then I remind you that everything, but absolutely everything you do in life can disappear. Everything. Even me." I (panic): "Stop! Stop! I can't try to fulfill my dream of creating music and art and to listen to you!" Melody: "You know I'm right! I know you know it ! " I (with the same tone): "Stop it! Get out of my head, please!" Melody: "What if it never gets better?"

 I cut my arm with a sharp blade. No, I'm not in the story anymore. This pain is real, but I'm so damn numb that I'm not able to feel how much it really hurts. It calms me down when that red liquid, which many want to preserve in themselves, comes out of my veins. It is the fact that, if I exaggerate, Death can lead me somewhere far away, somewhere where there are no feelings, where there are no words or other people ... I don't care. I don't care whether I'm alive or not- I don't feel like I am. Sheesh, who cares, I am an unimportant person.

 Here, Melody cares about me. She loves me so much that she wants to save me from a few more years spent in depression and panic attacks. She wants me to finish it now and to fly away from this world like a rook from the corn field. She knows that in her age I would still be the same, possibly this would evolve into something worse or, as she does, to start drinking more. And so, every single day, every morning, every night, sometimes even during the night when I wake up to for the fifteenth time change sleeping position in my bed, every dilemma of greater importance and every problem replaces one word written in large letters- SUICIDE. It always continues ringing in my brain and makes the suffering tougher. Every day of my life my mind reminds me of what it wants, during the day in thoughts, at night in a dreams. I don't know why I had to be born if I was already programmed to self-destruction, while I don't have any significant function.

 Slowly I was drinking liquor, looking at the river of the Kingdom of the Eternal Darkness. My dear friend Melody the Grumpy, came back to me again. Melody: "I let Klarissa to hang out with Nameless and I came to bother you." I (lost): "Do I act as if I need a damn company?" Melody: "Do you plan to make another character like yourself?" Me: "Does a jerk like me deserve more clones? Anyway, no other character is my complete copy. Just me. And I ... I don't know who am I." Melody: "As long as you are alive I will exist. I don't want to exist." Me: "You will exist and after me, you are a character from the story, and the stories are eternal. The only thing is you can die countless times, and I can only once. Real me, not a character from the story. " Melody (looks at her hand): "It seems to me that I got a little bit of weight. I need to reduce the use of alcohol." I: "No, you didn't get fat. You are underweight ... (for myself) you are perfect." Melody: "Look at me- I look bloated ... (takes my glass out of my hand and spills it down) if you cut it down now, you'll be thinner later ... six-hundred calories less! Oh, that's eighteen thousand sixth calories monthly, two hundred twenty-three thousand and two hundred for a year! That's even thirty-one kilograms less ... That's it. I'm stopping to drink! "Me:" Melody, you have thirty-one kilograms in total. " Melody: "No, I have thirty-seven, but I'll lose weight when I cut down alcohol."

 There is no point to discuss with a person suffering from anorexia, whatever I tell her she knows it doesn't make sense and her mind will persuade her otherwise. If I tell her that the vegetables are ok, she will only look at me and probably think that it is not true and that yogurt is the only safe food as it has calcium that blocks the absorption of iron because she doesn't want to have a lot of blood in her, because she tries to bleed as much as possible during the self-harming. I was there a years ago, Melody stayed there.

 Knowing that she probably does a calculations in her head now, I've been trying to change the subject to rest her poor brain. I: "How come the characters here are still satisfied at the end?" Melody: " I have no freaken idea - this should be a terrible place, and somehow it seems to be calming. You may have dramatized your lives so much that death seems wonderful. (pause) Is there no cure in your stories? " I: "Of course there is! Iris, Nora, Stefany, Henry, Onyx, Black, Kety ..." Melody: "Kety is here." Me: "Impossible ..." Melody: "It's possible. You dragged her out for the first time, but the second time, as you know, was fatal. She's older than me, but we have common themes." Me: "That means there was no accidental overdose but ..." Melody: "Yep. Nora was under the influence of magic - she doesn't count. Stefany - you've returned her to the bottom once more." Me: "In order to cure her completely." Melody: "Henry- OK, that's understandable, Onyx ... what happened to her after?" Me: "Um ... she continued to do the job she loved? She didn't go back to the bottom." Melody: "Good. Black ... a similar situation to Kety, with Black was forced to continue to live. Iris... too idyllic. " Me: "What do you mean by this, that I should have killed her?" Melody: "How is it that you have cured a person with a bipolar disorder, and it turns out that there is no cure for depression?" I: "There is a cure, of course ... but you are made to be stubborn to refuse help." Melody: "Well, that makes sense. I am, I must admit, very stubborn when accepting help is concerned. Unlike Holly, I'm not proud but I'm rushing into self-destruction. Hedrich offered help to Klarissa, she refused him. Sage refused to go for treatment. Clodita saved herself from humiliation- I understand because I would do it too, and you certainly more than me who have no social anxiety, Nameless was completely alone in her story, Nelly ended up here by mistake, Sue went. Edna and Becky had no one to listen to them. " Me: "Teyna and Stefany were there for them, but both were too young to take big steps." Melody: "I think my character starvation ruined more than the depression. You remember how it makes you to completely lose your mind? At one moment you realize that you are not the same person. I don't have the strength for anything. I want to disappear. "

 Me: "Also. I've just broken everything." Melody (approaching the river): "I am not able to keep someone beside myself, everybody leaves- several of us share this thought. We are so damn lonely, with the majority here found their friends. And you ... you create characters and create, but none of them could be your friend in real life. You know why? Because you are too complicated. That's why you can create so many different characters based on yourself. You created such a set of characters that someone would think that you are a socially active person and, when they get to know you better, they realize that you are really so complicated. After all these traits there is a huge void of your mind. It is your beauty. " Me: "You mean, damnation?" Melody: "Depends. Sometimes it is not." I (I bent down to the water): "It's a pity that this water can't kill me (I took off my coat and threw it on the ground, but then I picked it up again).  I will need it." Melody: "You see how we jump off from the topic to topic like butterflies who try to get out of the jar in which they are closed and then eventually die. (seeing that I fill my pockets with stones) That water won't kill you, it's hopeless to try. " I (looking at her): "I need to die at least for a moment to realize that I am alive (I enter the river and get lost in it)"

-

 The moon was glowing shyly, but it was hard enough to make me conscious. I was on the shore completely wet from the water I was in before, while the river algae colored my hair in green. Suddenly, the girl in the purple kimono was created in front of me- Moon Jin .

 Me: "Moon ... you are here too?" (I get up, Moon Jin helps me) Right ... it's counted what I wrote after. That's a silly fact- I've written an improved version of the 'Moon and Sun' story after writing this story, and I will post this after, so when this story comes out the reader already knows what happened with you. "Moon Jin:" It's kind of like that. It's okay, you were originally imagining to be such an end , that's why I've been here since the beginning. Do you remember the part of the story "Secret"? "

 [Black: "And what's the place there?" (Showing by hand) "Neily:" This is the Kingdom of the Eternal Darkness. Sunshine had a vision that it would be settled soon, unfortunately. Nelly and Mion were originally housed there, but they came here to be with the family. Some people almost came there, but they stayed alive ... "]

 Me: "Yes, I hinted to the readers. I even added that part after this story. Hard mess." Moon Jin: "Still, it makes more sense than if you didn't add anything, then it would be a bigger mess. (smiles) Are you okay? " Me: "I guess, thanks for the question ... And where is Moon Yang?" Moon Jin: "In the Kingdom of Good, but he almost came here. He planned to join me  but the car hit him." I (catch my head): "I'm insane. It was better I died before I wrote the story of Sue, since then everything went downhill, both in life and in my brain. Sorry, Moon Jin." Moon Jin : "You don't have to apologize to me! Come on, we have to go and change that wet suit, you'll get cold." Me: "I have nothing else to wear." Moon Jin: "We'll find something."

 She gave me a purple dress with a narrowing over the waist: it was very pretty, but it had a three-quarter sleeves that revealed almost all of my scars on both arms. Moon Jin: "It's the only thing I've got from wider things, you know that we Japanese girls are usually very skinny. Do you at least like it? " I:" I like it so much. Well, there will be no problems because almost half the people of the Kingdom of Eternal Darkness have scars. In real life I wish to wear something like this, but people are evil and they would laugh at me or just look at me strangely. Thank you. " Moon Jin: "No problem. In the martial arts school we have learned to be nice to others and to help when we can. Don't worry, I'm not much in the Kingdom of the Eternal Darkness, I'm mostly in the Kingdom of Good with Sun Jin and Moon Yang. Only a few characters are constantly here. I love this kingdom because it's always dark here, and I love the night. For me, the night represents freedom and the most seductive part of the day." Me:" That's nice. For the past few years, for me it's the source of the nightmares and trying to rest my soul, but otherwise I love the moon."

 I walked around the kingdom and felt so freely. Even at one point, I felt beautiful when I passed near the river. No matter of my grotesque body, the dress fitted nicely and the long brown hair became noticeable. Hair and eyes were the only thing I like about me, maybe also my artistic palms, but that's why I can't stand everything else. Most of all, I hate my goddamn stomach, it has been giving me all kinds of troubles in my life- from the appearance of a barrel (which, of course, couldn't pass without a mockery that is still in my head today), through all sorts of pains, including those from overdosing, to the growling while I starved my body. Even after losing about 40 kilograms (88 pounds) I couldn't get rid of it. What's a pity I can't play the hash slinging slasher on my own body.

 Kety was standing next to a cracked tree and looked at the distance.

 I (approach her): "Hello, Kety." Kety (surprised): "Hi ... how do you know what my name is?" Me: "I created you." Kety (surprised): "Oh, you're a Writer! I thought you were older!" I: "I'm twenty-one." Kety (more surprised): "No way! I wouldn't say that you have more than fourteen. How you got here?" I: "I came here because this place is my inner home- all the stories that are happening in my head begin and end here." Kety: "Why this place exist? Is inside of your mind like this?" I: "Sometimes much worse. My mind created all of this, just like all the more beautiful things that slowly fade and are suppressed by all these negative things." Kety: "I'm sorry about that. And because of your arm." I (look at scars): "I don't even feel they are here. I'm sorry for your bulimia which made you end up here." Kety (Sigh): "Yes, that damn bulimia brought me here. When you suffer from anorexia everything is more obvious and you may be lucky that someone get you out: when you have a bulimia or, better to say when it has you, you find yourself trapped in that circle alone, creating a bunch of lies, you say that you won't overeat, then you fail and do it ... And then you're forcing throwing up ... "Me:" I know how it looks like, but I was lucky to get out before it's too late. I would go back to overeating again after I threw up enough food and that kept repeating ... I felt like a failure to return five kilograms in a month, I tried to get back to starvation because I couldn't bear to have the weight returned ... And then, in late August, I took the bigger amount of pills and alcohol. Another suicide attempt in a row." Kety:" So, that inspired you to create my character? Oh, then that means you want to teach other people how far this can get if you don't get out in time? " I: "That's right, Kety. This is not just a story about the connection between eating disorders and fashion, this is more than that, although more and more models have confirmed this story, but people just know how to answer 'no one forced them to do it'. Same as they roll their eyes when I tell them I want to make a metal band. " Kety:" Really? The haters gonna hate, you can't listen to them, otherwise you will never do anything. And yes, eating disorders don't have connections with fashion only - they can happen to anyone, anytime. " I: "I have the feeling that nobody even believed me, even though I was in a risky group like someone who had had a lot of weight since childhood, and many have been laughing about it. I couldn't believe how far I got either. By the way, I'm sorry about Monique. "Kety:" She's in the other kingdom and is slowly recovering, the Kingdom of Good is good for her. Too bad that we don't have such a kingdom in the real world so they could have saved her from death. " Me: "Yes, that would be wonderful." Kety: "I'll go later to her, will go you with me?" Me: "I have to finish something, but send my greetings to her." Kety (smiles): "All right!"

 That afternoon on a piece of paper I wrote something about one story, thinking that will at least a little bit repair the damage done to one character. For the first time in the Kingdom of Good the child's wail was heard- Blackhaired gave birth to a weak, but all-in-all healthy baby boy. He was weak because he was only seven months old, but writers can make anything happen in the story, even if that's birth of the child in the Kingdom of the Dead. Blackhaired deserved it.

 While the other celebrated in that kingdom, Melody and I sat under a leafless tree and watched the dark blue sky on which wasn't even a single star. Melody: "Several characters moved to the Kingdom of Good. There's a lot better than here." Me: "Although it's too idyllic there?" Melody: "Becky is there with her sister, brother-in-law and mother, Clodita is with her, Nameless is a case for herself- technically, in the story you wrote that she accidentally fell off the bridge, but she came to jump from it. Anyway, she also went. Nelly and Mion weren't even here, they are so damn happy wherever they are. Edna joined Red and Black in their part." Me:" And Alton and Sage? " Melody: "Sage begged him to go to the Kingdom of Good, he didn't want to. Love a nonsense." I: "Honestly, I hope I won't fall in love like Sage did, but I will be ..." Melody: "Like me? Don't say- like me. "Me:" No, I don't want to be with that person; he needs some better than me (taking a sip of the liqueur)." Melody:" That's said ironic, I know, but at least you don't have to waste time on a relationship that doesn't go anywhere and on a person who is obviously not for you. You have all the freedom, use it to your true and the only love- art. You know that Len from my story is certainly not the way you described, but it doesn't matter, it's not like someone considered him as good as you considered him, there's nothing to be upset about. " I (laughter): "Yes, I was just an average person for him, he was the only love for me. Hell yeah I found who to love." Melody: "Really, from all sweet and nice guys you found to try over him and in the end you got nothing. I can give you at least ten better choices. " I (taking another sip): "Sometimes I would prefer to be in relationship with some nice girl." Melody (gulped and coughed): "Do you know how much you should change for that?" I: "I know, that's why I'm not in relationship with anyone. I just say it seems romantic, but I would always feel not-good-enough beside her. Honestly, I always feel like I am not good enough ." Melody: " Would you be a butch or feminine half? (laughs)" I:" I don't know, I'm both. (laughs) Maybe that's why I don't need a partner, there are several people in me. In different time I need different things - in one moment I need solitude, the other one I need a hug, then I am freaked out by any physical contact ... I don't have any nerves for relationships, anyway I'm going soon, I will not commit to anyone. (putting the glass down and raising my arms up) Who gives a damn for social norms, I am creating my destiny as I want! "Melody (toast to me):" That's right, who cares for the world when you have such a beautiful, disorded world in your head! You see, from all these characters in this part of the Kingdom of the Dead, only Klarissa is condemned to be with us, but maybe she will also leave, who knows? I have nowhere to go. " I (joked): "You will, Melody,go right to the Kingdom of Evil." Melody: "I don't mind. I'll be the  grumpiest there." I: "Perhaps this would be a great place for me, but I belong here more. If was evil or at least a bit more aggressive at the right time, now I would be mentally healthier." Melody: "Come on, you are created that way, you can't escape from yourself. "

 She stood up and gave a notebook familiar to me. Her story, "Red Stain".

 Melody: "When you open it, I'll be back there, again I'll say my famous "You're not just crazy, Stanley ", I will die again. It's a curse of characters from the story; Ana Karenina once fell under the train but she will fall again and again as people read the book. Romeo and Juliet will end their life for a billionth time, Bodler's orphans will always remain unhappy because Lemony Snicket didn't write that everything ended up happily. The book and the movie can be rewinded, but life can't, it goes its way and, once you die in it, it's the official end. Take this book too (gives it to me and I open it) this is your collection "Amortica, Manica, Gothica". Open "Gothica". You see, you are a character who dies every time you open it. That poison kills you again and again and me ... (pulls a gun out of your pocket ) ... this same bullet kills over and over again. "

 I opened the last page of "Red Stain" and soon I saw the scene of Melody's suicide one more time, and then I opened the last page of "Gothica" and felt that the poison takes me slowly... again...

 My soul feels a bit of relief, I closed the story and went to dream my nightmares.

The end
01/21/2017 14:00
Suzana Ristic Suza
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Disscusion

 The story is written in one part within two days.

 With this story I reminded on the old characters and described the main reason why my stories are so morbid and why I read them over and over again- they allow me to feel my death and it calms at least so that I can try a bit more for my goal, which I increasingly believe in because it is too hard to maintain the will for something, I think that I have been doing it for quite long, since I've lost the will for many things in the meantime. I've created a routines more than I really enjoy something, music is one of the few things that give me extra will and deserves to dedicate my life to her.

 I meet Melody again, she is always present as a figure that reminds me of the futility of everything and at the same time shows my attitude towards myself when I am completely alone- although I can't stand myself, there are moments and when it's interesting to spend time with myself. It's ironic that as the worst depression phase, the best fun and total calmness can occur when I am alone. So, my mood swings are not strictly related to other people. After "The Artists live forever," the Sage should, as a more realistic version, replace Melody, but Melody remained as a leader of depressing characters, probably because the story was written in 2013 and was the first completely depressing story, and in "The Artists live forever" Sage has Alton, while Melody is in the end alone, so it's more logical to stay with me.

 Almost all the characters have found comfort in the Kingdom of the Eternal Darkness, although it is the representation of darkness- for me it represents a place where the souls find peace. The story as a story is more philosophical, so there are not many things to be analyzed, I am slowly completing my own story.

 Coming next: A story in which fear is the main theme, with some disturbing (explicit) scenes.