Ready for Action?!- Black's diary- full story

(The story is not suitable for younger than 14 years, self-destructive parts, mildly explicit scenes, potentially disturbing scenes)

First read "Ready for Action?!" and "Ready for Action?!- Before the End" for easier tracking and complete experience.
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 Morning is here, it's already seven o'clock. Black sneaked out of the house, all just to avoid the shouting of her parents.She just arrived at the front door when her mother, quite unexpectedly, stopped her.

 "Where are you going dressed like this, miss?" - she asked her sharply, all the time with an angry look in her eyes. Black: "To school. Where else?" Mother: "In that clothes? You're dressed like some delinquent, it's not for the girls of your material status! " Black:" This is not a delinquent style, it's a Gothic style with a little of rock style." Mother: "Rock? No, no, no! It does not suit you! Go and change, do not embarrass me like that! Look at you ... You're not worthy of being my daughter at all ... You go into the room and change that garbage!" Black was upset and went out, but her mother grabbed her left arm forcefully, so hard that Black moaned. Mother:" Do not make me tear it off here in the middle of the hall! " Black: "Are you out of your mind? Leave me alone,woman! Stop telling me what to do with my life, you've been doing it for years!"

 After that sentence, her mother slapped her the strongest she could! She shouted again to her, "Go away into the room, wretch, change or you will see your god! " Black (furious): "I'm going just because I don't have more nerves for you." Mother (adds): "And take off that disgusting makeup!"

 A few minutes before the start of the class, Black changed clothes and put on her makeup in a school toilet ...

 During the classes, Black got into thinking... "This woman is insane! She terrified me with her sentence "'do not make me tear it off'... I know she wouldn't, but ... She shouldn't see my arm. Damn it, how she tightened my arm, and exactly on that place ... I don't know why I started it at all. I know that something can get wrong and they would find out what I've done... I fear what could happen..."

 "Black, will you come for your test? "the professor asked, pulling her out of her mind. The girl in front turned around and said," Freaky, professor calls you! You won't get up as the rest of us? (cynical)" Black got up and approached the professor. The professor (after Black stood by his desk): "You did a well on test and there's no problem. However, I think you should go to a psychologist." Black (looks at him): "Why ?!" Professor: "Do your parents see you when you leave the house?" Black: "... Yes ... so?" Professor: "And they let out you like that?" Black:,, But ... but ... I'm not ... I'm not dressed up inappropriate! "Professor:" It's aganist school rules. Students can't carry aggressive styles at school. " Black: "Since when? I didn't even hear about that rule!" Professor: "Everyone is complaining about you, so the rule is made not long ago." Black (goes to her place, takes stuff and goes to the exit): "This is discrimination! I didn't hurt anyone! I won't bear this anymore!"

 Several students from the class: "Freak!" "She must doing the black magic!" "Go away, we're safer without you!" "Weirdo!" The teacher calms down the class but Black is already getting out of the classroom.

 She went to a park and a sat near a little pond. Once again thoughts filled her brain..." I want to get out of here. This is too much for me... I thought I was safe at least at school... Why are they doing this to me? What did I do to them? I have no place to go-they would find me. Nobody let me live my life... Death. Death. Death. I want to leave, the only place where I can go is death. No one would miss me anyway. They'll probably handle my corpse as if I'm a vampire... I don't care anymore. It's better to be dead than to live like this. For some time, I've been struggling with these thoughts of death. I'll find her. I'll call her with my hands. I want her to come and take me... only to find the fastest way..."

 Black's house: Mother is waiting for Black. Mother: "They told me you ran out of school today and that you were again inappropriatelly dressed!" Black: "You behave like an evil stepmother." Mother: "Oh, and you're a princess who's late for two hours! You'll have to manage yourself for lunch." Black: "I'm not hungry." Mother: "Lately you often avoid lunch...who knows if you're not starving yourself... Well, you should lose weight, the lady should be slim." Black: "I'm avoiding lunches not to look at you, but I've seen curvier ladies who behave more like a ladies than you and do not tantalise their daughter! "

 Black rushed into her room and began to invent her plan... She wasn't ready now,she simply wasn't. She thought what would be the easiest and quickest way to do it. There was a fear to survive and remain in the dishonor of her parents.

 She didn't go to school in the morning, but walked through the streets on the spring's pouring rain. The summer was near, the school year at the end... She was sixteen years old and couldn't escape. She walked and thought about life and death... She always wanted to do something extreme, to be wild, to be free, to drive a motorcycle through deserted areas ... She knew that her desire would not come true. She was destined to be a lady from a high class. She couldn't stand the captivity. Even in one point she realized that all this scaries her and that she wants to live. Again and again, those two thoughts argured her in her head: life, death, life, death ... In the end, death would prevail and she knew that she must listen to her mind... In a city with so many people she was completely alone.

 She was standing alone near the fence of the bridge and stepped towards it. Under it was a quiet river, but deep enough to leave her young life in it... She slowly moved to the other side of the fence,facing her tomb.

 In the distance, a black-haired young man, Black's friend David stood, watching what was happening, rushing toward the bridge while called Black. She didn't hear him, just stepped forward,spread her arms and then got lost in the water ...

 In the evening, in her home: Parents were invited to come to the hospital, and they went quickly there,David had been around for a while. Black's mother: "What happened to her? Is she pregnant or has she took drugs?" Black's father: "Why do you think that's it?" B. mother: "That little wretch would do it all just to embarrass us." David: "Actually... she... almost didn't die." B. father (cold): "How so, David?" David: "She jumped off the bridge. She tried to take her own life." B. mother (furiously): "I said that this bastard only wants to embarrass us!" David (surprised): "Don't you think that's serious? I called the saviors and they barely saved her ... You're almost not left without an only-child! " B. father: "She surely wanted to draw attention so we can do her way. We will not fall to it. She'll see who's the boss in the house."

 Black's nightmare came true- her parents became even merciless, they didn't let her leave the house for days and didn't talk to her. Before the end of the school year she returned to school. Like everyone found out what happened...

 Have they become better? If "better at being worse", then they certainly were. "Freak, don't you have enough attention for yourself so you want more attention?" "It's a pity you failed, no one needs you anyway!" "You're a fool who's crying for attention!Get lost!"

During the break, while Black sat on the floor of the hallway, a group of students approached around her and started the fire of insulting words.

 She stood up and spoke: "Are you normal? Not me. You! Normal people don't attack weaker! Fighting 100:1 is unequal, don't you think so? How would be if I would start insulting you? Would it be fun? For me it wouldn't. I don't understand how is this fun to you. You can call me a freak, a wretch, a weirdo and however you want, but I still have at least a bit of humanity in me, unlike you. I don't care for attention, it always brought me only bad things in life. Ignore me as I ignore you."

 Black's mother couldn't stand comments from her friends and, in agreement with Black's father, decided to send her to another city, away from them. Black was hoping there will be better...

Parts of Black's diary:

***

 On the day I arrived in the new city I thought I was getting rid of the problem and that I would be able to live like any normal person, without insulting and finger-pointing at me. I was wrong, at least in the beginning. When I first saw girls,they thought about me the same as everyone else, especially Rose. My black thoughts came back. I watched my arm that almost recovered from the scars that were made earlier. I wanted to do it again. Yes, I did it. I wasn't even close but I was left with an open wound that hurt.

 The day after that I saw an ad for the agents, I knew it was dangerous so I hoped I could die. I had nothing to lose. The five of them already applied. They were very scared when they saw me ... as if they knew I was a bad person... Rose trembled the most at that moment. I wanted to stand before her and tell her, "Don't be scared, I would never hurt anyone!"

 During the mission it happened to stay alone with Rose in the struggle for life. I didn't have time to say anything to her, the guards came. Then, for the first time, someone saw my scars. She saw the damn wound that found the perfect moment to bleed! Uh. It was uncomfortable. It was very, very uncomfortable. I can only imagine how it was for her.

 Anyway, it was the last suicide attempt. After the mission, I had to go to a psychiatrist occasionally and the girls helped me a lot. Even we were all different, we accepted each other without condemnation.

***

 I had a specific relationship with Red, it seemed to me that she was my sister who fully understood me. She loved things similar as me and had a similar lifestyle like me. We risked the most- the risk was our other name. She would sometimes fall into depression as well but also would get out of it faster.

 She didn't like Christmas; when she was a little girl she spent every Christmas with her parents and, when they broke contact with her, she had a very difficult period. The last Christmas she was particularly sad. She told me that life didn't mean anything to her and that she would like everything to disappear... She told me that she had spent the evening along the shore of the sea thinking about her life, calling it all meaningless all the time. By giving me all that, I hugged her and said, "Silly, how can I live without you? If something happened to you I wouldn't live anymore either. You will see, you and I will reach an old age and we will be aunts to the children of our friends (we both said that we will not marry and have children). We will die on the same day at old age, you'll see."

 Ah, irony! That day when she died I survived... I probably won't even be able to get old. I'm waiting to join her ... Can't bear that she died in my place, my life was always a mess.Every day I pray to the heaven that Red comes for me, as beautiful as ever, to grab my hand and say, "I'm taking you to a place without suffering."

***

 When my parents wanted me to marry David I was angry. Then I talked to Red later, I realized that I could give him a chance. Actually, Red even told me: "If he didn't react that fateful day you would be dead. He can't be so bad."

 I still have no idea how he got to the party... Honestly, I don't care either. I've noticed that David and Red are getting closer, but I thought there would be nothing serious.I knew how would Red act under the influence of alcohol and I hoped everything would be fine ... I left the party earlier, didn't even think what would happen next. They went to the apartment together, you assume what happened there. From this point of view, I would let them be a couple if they were meant to be and I would be happy about it. But then... damn my jealousy! I couldn't bear it that he was with her... She took my reaction as the beginning of the competition.The fatal competition.I hate myself for this and I will hate for the rest of my life! I am the only culprit for everything. I knew that she was more impulsive than me and yet I accepted the game. Why? The hell, how could I be so stupid to lose the person I trusted the most, the person who knew me well almost as I know myself? Because of such nonsense? AM I INSANE?!!! I turned out stupid. Red, can you see me? I'm sitting in this room and writing a diary, all alone and immobile. It's my lifetime punishment. I've deserved it.

 Black... you are an enormous wretch. Remember your mother called you like that? Well, you are wretch. In a way, you killed the Red. One day you will meet with Red and you will beg her to forgive you, but I doubt she will want to even look at you. Her life is prematurely ended and you already have been sitting here for years. I'm sorry we didn't die together. The day she died was the worst day in my whole life.

***

 To be honest,from all girls I was the most fascinated with Blue. At appearance seemed gentle, in the heart was passionate. Uncatchable. Still can't figure it out what happened when she gets in that phase. It was rare for me to be with her in such a moment, however, I would have a good time when it happened.

 One day, while I was at a mall, I found her buying in one of the stores. "Hey Blue, do you need help?" I asked gently, so I would not scare her because I was behind her. Blue: "Black, I think you're the best person for this!" Me: "Me, really? I think I'm not a fashion expert." Blue: "Oh, yes, you are. (witty smile) In which is better to dance on the podium- in mini skirts or shorts? Is transparent better than closed? Who knows better than the seductive Scorpio?" Me: "Oh, you mean you want to go out and seduce?" (we both laughed). Okay. (I take a couple of things from the shelf and I give it to her). You don't want to point out too much; it looks cheap, that's why the shirt I gave you isn't too open, but it's covering up to the shoulder. On the other hand, the shorts is pretty provocative, it's better to point out your long legs. Fishnet pantyhose are more seductive, just to find the boots while you're dressing up." I came back with long black boots. Blue (looking around): "It's not bad, I look like I'm going to a rock gig! (takes a boots) Do you think I can add something?" Me: "Of course! Leather gloves, belt, black hat and only a few jewelry. I will take care of make-up."

 When we finished shopping, I wanted to go with her. We went to the biker's club. Blue completely relaxed,danced, flirted with the guys. I was somehow quiet that evening... I don't know ... I rarely flirted though the seduction and kissing is my specialty ;). She dragged me in the middle of the podium, we danced next to each other, not looking at anyone. After a few songs, Blue sat down by the bar and talked to one dark-haired young man, and I danced at the same pace.

 I looked at a handsome green-eyed guy who was close to me on the podium. There was only one piercing look and he was approaching me. He stood in front of me and said, "Hey, baby, do you want to be my star of the evening?" Another piercing look from my side and my words: "And how different? I am yours."

 We danced for a while... His hands were on my waist, then in my hair. At the same time, he would kiss my neck. I pushed him closer to myself and said, "We are not in high school. Do it right. Show me what you know. "He pulled me to himself and kissed me ...

A passionate kiss on the podium. His arms were on my hips, my on his shoulders. It was obvious that he wanted me and I wanted him. I whispered: "Let's go to some quiet place to be free... "

 We drove the bikes to his apartment and spent the night there, one of the most passionate in my life.

 In the morning I called Blue with phone. Me: "Blue, how was it? Where are you?" Blue: "In my apartment ... with that guy from yesterday! And you? I saw how you kissed that guy yesterday ... I guess you're there, with him ... (starts giggling like a little girl) "Me:" I am! I'll be back in an hour and I want to hear the report! (I'm starting to smile)" Blue:" Of course, but and I want your report too! "

 After an hour, we met in a cafe and talked about it until the other girls arrived. Blue said that the t-shirt she was wearing yesterday at the moment of ecstasy had been ripped off, as every time she was buying new clothes for that occasion. I only told her: "What is a passion without a few tattered cloths." Blue giggled again, sweet as usual.

***
 I have not seen girls since the hospital - since my parents kicked out the only friends of my life. I was helpless under the control of my mother.

 As soon as she thrown them out of my hospital room she told me (of course, with her usual tonality): "You made it to ruin your life. You were not able to be normal, wretch. We found you a place to live." Me:" A place to live? I have my own apartment! " She: "You can not live there so damaged... Do you think somebody will take care of you whole your life, you stupid wretch? You should have been a lady, to find you a good opportunity to marry to change your life, and you refused David. You see where it brought you! "Me (barely holding back tears):" David is guilty of this! He made us argue! He killed Red! Reeeeeeed! Red.... My best friend ... It would be better if I died with her. (I look at my mother) I want euthanasia. Kill me or let me do it myself. I can't take it anymore. I want to die. " She: "Stop crying, you stupid! You got what you were looking for and you'll have to live with it. Tonight you'll be taken to the house we bought for you, actually, the room. We hired a woman who will take care of you..." I stopped her: "I can't leave now, I have to go to the funeral!" She: "No, you do not have to. They only need you out there." Me: "She was the closest person in my life!" She: "Shut up, wretch!" Me: "I'm not wretch, stop calling me like that!" She: "You fool, you'll suffer to death!" Me: "And you will burn in hell for all that you have done to me! You are guilty of what I have become!" She: "Do not blame me for your mistakes, you ruined yourself." Me: "You imposed your opinion on me, you imposed your unfulfilled dreams on me! Your perfectionism ruined me!" She (so loud that the nurses came in too): "STUPID WRETCH,  I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE! SUFFER WHEN YOU DO NOT KNOW THE RIGHT VALUES!" Me: "Wealth is no value but a curse!" She: "DIEEEEE!" ME: "That's what I want!" (Nurses gave me an injection and my mother went out).

 I woke up after two days. I found myself in the room where I am now. Only the woman who kept me was in the room. I asked: "Where am I? Did they bring me to my new accommodation or this is just a nightmare?" The woman replied:" This is your new home, miss, they brought you two days ago. My name is Eil, I'm paid to take care of you during the day. Do you need something? " Me: "What I need is a time machine so I change the present ... Sorry, I don't want to bother you with my life." Eil: "The hospital gave you the therapy you should take." I: "What is it? What kind of pills?" Eil: "Sedatives." Me: "I do not need anything to calm down. I am completely... calm. Emotionally empty. Lost in my mind. I'm a zombie. A wretch.Was and stayed." Eil: "They told me to give it to you... "I:" I'll take them by myself, just leave them next to me and bring me tequila." Eil:" Tequila? You know you shouldn't drink while you are under the influence of a sedatives? " Me: "I'm celebrating going home." Eil (looking at me confused): "But this is your home ..." Me: "No, I'm from hell. Only wretches like me come from there, ruin everybody's lives and then just want to go back. I'm not for this." Eil:" I'm not crazy to bring you alcohol and to let you get overdosed. " Me: "Bring me anything that will bring me home, because I can not live like this." Eil: "My working time has expired (puts a medicine box on a table quite far from me) I will come every day for two hours - the order of your mother, and you will be better for several days. You will eventually deal with fate. Goodbye. (leaves the room)" Me:" Goodbye... Dammit with my life. Dammit with me. Red, Red come for me, please, please, Red, I know you hate me, but don't leave me this way! Don't ... "

 I cried whole night. I just wanted to die, and I couldn't do anything. Eil even put pills too far from me... Maybe they would work, even without tequila. I couldn't get up to take them. Whole night I was trying to get up with all my power... unsuccessfully. I still can't. Dammit. Dammit with my mother who left me here. Dammit with my father who is not better. Dammit with David, who saved me from dying the first time. Dammit with David who spent the night with my best friend. Dammit with me and with my jealousy. Dammit with my life. And I thought that my life began to return to normal ... but it was just an overture of the tragedy. It's not a surprise that girls never saw me, even I don't know where this rabbit hole is.

***

 I didn't even dream of writing a diary. Eil brought me books for reading,on one occasion and a notebook in which I am writing this diary. I was skeptical about writing a diary, since I never tried to do it, but this became my only entertainment. The memories come back and remind me of the mistakes of the past. Typically life stories start from birth, however, my story begins from the end. Like I have something to say about my childhood.

 Born on the rainy October night, in the middle of autumn ,in a wealthy family from the father of a former colonel and mother ex-actress who knew how to act everything except love for daughter. She ended her career when she got pregnant and that was one of the reasons for her hatred for me. Still, she tried to make me an aristocrat like herself, but she did not succeed. By the way, my parents met by chance - the navy arrived in the city where my mother performed the show, the demon got his fingers into it and -PUFF! There was a marriage of two senseless beings who aim only for material gain. Oh, it's really romantic! As I wrote, then I was born and started my life in that house of doom.

 They made me to hang out with the "classy" children that I couldn't stand, but I occasionally sneak up and went to the park to play with other kids. It's my the most beautiful childhood memory. When I was ten, I asked my parents to buy me skateboard or roller skate, which of course they refused, I saved money and bought myself some black rollers. I hid them in the room and went to the park where I drove them. Later I bought a skateboard that I drove all the way to the accident. The ride of "small wheels" was my hobby (in any case, it's more fun than writing a diary and laying), and I really miss that feeling of freedom.

 What about the big wheels? I was unbeatable there. In my thirteenth year, I began to admire the bikers, to imagine about driving the motorbike through deserted areas ... No one knew I saved the money for the motorbike. After moving, I started driving lessons and the other girls joined me. And never, but never before I drove drunk. It looks like the adrenaline was too strong that evening ...

 Again, I don't understand what happened to Red after that? Has her motorbike lost control, or maybe she deliberately hit the truck... Or turned to see what is with me? It must be that. Nobody told me anything about it. They only told me that she died after she hit the truck, nothing more. How she looked like... Oh, God, I don't even want to imagine that scene! To me,she will always be a beautiful girl with fire hair and brown eyes.

 I remember this scene when I first looked in the mirror after the accident. Bruises, plasters,  bandage over my arm... I laughed. I was laughing to myself. I said "Look what you did from yourself this time, Blacky. You don't look anymore like a vampire, now you look like a mummy. Your friends are celebrating Red's triumph and you're in a hospital. Let them celebrate, I know to live without a friends, if they don't want to see me. Celebration is much more interesting than listening to the stupid Blacky. I will never again do such a thing. From now on, I will be careful as before the accident. There is no more driving while drunk. I will heal and reign over the road again. "

 At that time, the doctor came in. He ruined my whole life in a moment. His words: "I'm afraid you will not be back in driving and extreme sports. You have a spine injury that makes you immobile for the rest of your life." got carved into my brain. It was the first defeat for that day. I stopped laughing. My emotions died.

 They told me that girls wanted to see me. Their faces seemed sad and pale and tears glittered in their eyes. I asked what is happening with Red (or, rather, I guessed that she's with David and expected the positive answer) and then... knife. Stabbed deep in my heart. It's still here today, reminds me of this pain every day. Pain more stronger and more painful than pain in my entire body after the accident. She is gone. They all were like sisters to me, but she was the closest one. It's all that has left behind her. Red. Bloody stain on the highway. My best friend has become a bloody stain on the highway of death. Her whole life has become red ... and mine continued to be black...

***

 How that I always finish the section with this tragedy or cursing myself or my destiny? It's stronger than me. I have to concentrate on something else. I could write about my friends and their lives, at least what happened until the time when we were together. I could write about memories.

 Rose: She was born in a family made of her parents, an older sister Orange and her. Like most girls, she liked to play with dolls and make clothes for them. She was fascinated by the fact that Barbies were always well dressed, so she wanted that she would buy such clothes one day. She is the biggest child of us, she actually never grew up. In spite of her childish behavior, she knew to be very responsible when the situation demanded. She would never be frivolous with extreme sports because she knew that they could be dangerous and that any mistake could be fatal. Her best friend was Blue, because the two of them had a common childish side. Together they made us laugh and maintained a cheerful spirit in the team. It was necessary for me, because in the beginning I was often down ... I wish they were here right now.

 Rose loved her family, and especially her sister, was barely waiting for the holidays to see her at least for a few days. She often said in a joke that it would be great if Blue's brother was older so her sister can marry him. However, the difference was too big for them (five years, I don't think that is much). Sometimes Orange would spend time with us.

 Although she was two years older than Rose, both of them had pretty much the same characteristics. On one occasion we were on a race track and she beat us all! Although she was always welcome to our team and could join us, she was more attracted to medicine which she later choose as profession. Rose finished designer school, clothes are her passion. She would spend hours in shopping in search of what she intended.

 For holidays, her gift would usually be clothes in our styles or accessories, from these gifts only "Motorbike"shirt with a image of motorbike in flame is packed with my stuff, although I doubt I could wear it now ... Extreme sports kept me fit, it seems to me that I've gained weight since lying in this bed. I don't eat as much as before, but this laying ruined me. As for other Rose's gifts, they are probably in the apartment ... if this apartment is not sold. Oh, if somebody told me what's going on there! I'm sick of speculation, I want the right information!

 No, remember. Black, you are now writing about them and not about yourself.

 Blue: She was born as the first child, and then she gets brother after three years. She lived near the sea when she was a child so she loved water. She called the water,,a blue lord "and loved it more than land. Basically gentle and shy, inside seductive as siren. A person who is able to transform to unrecognizable. She fascinated me. She has a dose of mystery in her, just like me, except that I have never been childish. (sigh) Damn it. I should be. Blue's hobby was always connected with water- it would have been surfing, swimming or diving... Unlike Rose, who mostly had a fashion-inspired room, Blue had toys and lovely things like shells, pebbles... I keep the teddy bear she gave me, that's all that was in a bag of her presents.

 Green: Regardless of what it looks like we are heaven and earth, Green and I have had a great relationship. She calmed us when something went wrong and that saved our lives several times. Actually, it seems to me that she most tried to persuade us away from driving that day ... She must have had some kind of feeling. During the action, she would be like the rest of us - sometimes it would look like the adrenaline affects her the least, but it was seen in her eyes that it was not so. Her apartment, with pillows instead of chairs, full of oriental decorations, embraced with the scent of fragrant sticks, presented an oasis of peace in which we were always welcomed.

 On holidays she would make us her handicrafts, which included various oriental ornaments, jewelry and so on. Speaking about her gift, the bracelet with my engraved name remained and it is currently on my wrist.

 Her childhood was not complete, since she lost her father in the war early, and because of that she wanted peace on the world. She grew up with her mother and grandmother, the famous prophet in her place, who taught her secrets of magic. She told me that she once called her father's spirit only to tell him once more how much she loves him, but she didn't success. It touched me very much.

 I was very sorry that the fate didn't make sure that Green was happy with both of her parents. I couldn't be happy with my parents, so at that moment I felt as if my parents couldn't be so bad... Yes, they turned out to be awful. Only the monsters would leave a daughter in one room without windows, occupations, all things except the bags with things that were first to catch...

 White: Outside stone, inside the cotton. It took time to get to know her, but we were all glad to have her as a friend. Born at midnight, on New Year's Eve, the "Snow Ninja" (as we called her) was the youngest of five children. During the time of high school she became independent and came to a neighborhood where we all lived later. There she meets Goldy with whom she is friends till Goldy's move. As she says, her family has long since emigrated from Japan, but martial arts have remained a tradition. The pink hair was accidental- she wanted to get more intense brown hair, however, the hairdresser replaced her request with the request of a customer next to her and dyed her hair in pink. White was shocked by the scene, but positive comments influenced her not to change her hair color. She says that in high school that was the craziest thing she did. At first glance, her hair is incompatible with her features.

 She is not childish like Rose and Blue but she's pretty witty. She even likes black humor, which she says can be interesting when used at the right time. Why not, I like black humor. It was our mutual characteristic that we both laughed less than others. We were not sad or something, but we both used to hide emotions. She is skilled in concealing emotions, she is so skilled that we didn't even know she had been in love with Ling for years. I reacted stupidly when I heard of her engagement, I was still thinking about events from morning of that day.

 She also had her dark side at first - she would often sit alone, was very unhappy with her body, her diet changed ... I assumed she could get into the problem that my mother attributed to me. Other girls also noticed that White is rapidly losing her weight and we have given her the support to fight in time, before it becomes serious. Luckily, she returned to normal ... although she continued to drink green tea every day. She had bony structure anyway since when we met her, there was no reason to worry, but we kept eyes on her just like they kept their on me. So, depression, eating disorder... wasn't everything perfect at first. I hope that White's problem won't return as my depression returned. Another of us could have been caught up in the problem if extreme sports didn't pull her out- Red.

 The only child just like me but, unlike me, very bond to parents. Fire in human form.Wanted to try and experience everything. She began to play guitar at age thirteen, and she didn't sing often despite having a pleasant voice.

 After parents stopped talking to her, she found her consolation in the opiates she bought in the night,so no one of us knew it. It lasted for about a month and then she made the pact with herself to stop. Given that her determination was strong, she withdrew from drugs and continued to do extreme sports.

 I connected Red's and White's present: White was usually giving practical things (even in her apartment everything seemed classical and practical, as if it belonged to an elderly person rather than a girl), so I have a pocket book from her; inside of a pocketbook... was a song. The most important gift from Red. Song she sang when I was in a hospital bed,  with a bandage on my wrist,  without the will to live. That day when I got the best friends who were always with me. The song that meant the beginning of the most beautiful part of my life. The song I will never hear again.

*** (The last page of the diary, a few hours before the death) ***

 It was an incredible day! Blue and Rose took me to our city... They had a lot of trouble finding me. It's been twenty years since the tragedy... I was on Red's grave. I had the feeling that she can hear me, I felt her presence near, I'm sure I did. I hope she will come for me soon, I still miss her.

 Oh, Rose and Blue have changed so much... They became beautiful women. They showed me White's and Green's pictures, White has two lovely kids and Green helps people with alternative medicine.

 What remains to me is waiting for my dear Red, but I'm just fooling myself that we'll be seeing each other again soon- she doesn't want to come. I'll wake up again in this same bed and I will be alone again. I will write my diary and recall the smallest details of my life ... Ah, as if they were not all already here!

 I hear the rain starts outside. It is pouring, just like twenty years ago. Only this time, death can't take my friend. The time has taken the girls, now already women, each on their own side, and night will lead me into sleep... I'm tired. It was enough for today. Good night, diary.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

The end
21.06.2015

Suzana Ristic Suza

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Disscusion

 3. book "Ready for Action ?!" is called "Black's diary" because there are mostly described, ie, "pulled out" pages from her diary. The beginning is introducing to the story, I thought it is necessary so that readers better understand Black as a person.

 I gave Black my depth of feeling and made her soul fragile. I gave her my desire for freedom that we both longed to have.

 For those who read both stories "Ready for Action" this story represents a source of some more important and less important informations that might be interesting for someone. For example,we see now how much Black blames herself and how much she grieves for Red. Black doesn't regret not ending life earlier, she can't stand turn of events on the way they are now. She can't bear the fact that, even though she came back "from the dead",everything crashed again.

 You remember what got Black out of depression for the first time?Friends. There were no more of them so Black had no will as it was on the begging. Just imagine her life in a small, gloomy room with a semi-open window, without anything else but diary...