Deeper than death (2014-2018)

 

Most of these "poems" are disturbing and made from my personal experience, they represent me and my psyche. Do not follow teps from any  that speaks about gruesome things like suicide, self-harm or murder. If you relate please seek help, don't end up like me. Parental advisory, some parts contain grafic explanation of various suicide methods, self-harm and morbid philosophy that can potentially be a bad influence to another person (I remind you again most of these "poems" are personal and they represent my own thoughts and actions). All rights reserved to writter.

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-ETERNAL MYSTERY (August 2021)

I've searched for meaning and missed it all,

I've searched for heaven and it started to fall, 

I've searched for answers and remained confused,

I've searched for empathy and ended up abused.

When did the universe begin?

How is mind working?

Is there anything after death?

What is point of all that?

Through hundred plights just to find a void in the end,

So many things we'll never get to know and understand.

Through hundred plights...

If I knew all the answers, what I would do then?

Like Cassandra telling fortune - no one believed her,

What if the answers lay deep inside of us,

Eternally being silenced, never been heard?

-BLOODY FAIRYTALE (2013 or 2014)

From red apple to red blood

Pale beauty died tonight,

Sailors stole life from ocean,

Life of mermaid who tried to hide.

Maybe beast killed beauty

Because of grief, just like that,

My glass shoes hurt me so bad,

I am bleeding to the death.

Girl is lost in the jungle, lonely with an apes and snakes,

Ice queen became frozen in ice covered with snow flakes,

Prince shot a white swan, her bloody wings cannot fly,

Beauty in her bed doesn't sleep, it seems she died.

Girl is lost near lake, she searched for dead frog.

No true love here, you won't search for too long.

Lamp is losing shine, makes your heart become sand,

Golden braid is falling on the land... Beauty is dead...

Bloody fairytale, like this flower in her black hair,

She had all magic, but now she feels so weak.

Bloody fairytale, when clock shows the end of day,

Midnight in town, blue star is falling down.

The end, once there was a princess, and prince, and a story, fairytale.

Now there is laughing of evil witch,

And tears, and blood, ill-fate.

-THIS GONNA KILL (2013 or 2014)

I know this gonna kill, this beautiful field, 

But I got to pay a bill,

I know, no more to live for me here,

I got to pay a bill. I go away.

This bill to destiny is following me.

Keep smile for my enemy.

Leave me, it's not a big deal,

Even if you stay I need to go still.

This bill to my life I'll pay,

Come on, why you cry'n'pray?

I have to go on my way,

Sorry, I shouldn't stay.

Destiny calls to take prize,

Now I'm gonna die.

-TIME IS UP (2013 or 2014)

I believe what was started,

One day it needs to be stopped.

Only time is there, time goes, but now my time is up.

Time by time, moment by moment,

Tear by tear, breath by breath.

Clock is knocking, counting, counting down,

Everything is deaf. Time is up.

I know, when sun is up, at night his shine gonna stop,

Time goes but now my time is up.

Ten to nine, eight to seven, after zero I won't find heaven.

Six to five, four to three, time is up, up for me,

Two to one, zero to nothing, now is gone everything.

-BROKEN MAGIC (2013)

When you looked at my way with your beautiful eyes, I knew,

We will be together, so I decided

To fly to you, won't let you go.

It was very good story, you made it true,

We were two of butterflies, everything we could do,

I started thinking that somebody blessed me,

I was happy, you made me free.

Our jokes, our kisses, our hugs were lovely,

We were the best.

Our wings were colorful, life untouchable,

We didn't think for the rest.

At first, it was the best day, we were happy so

To heaven we were flying.

Then you softly said that you have to go,

That we'll see tomorrow, you kept smilling. 

Then you died.

I take your hand, it's so cold, too many stories we haven't told,

Too many sorrow in my heart,

You don't talk to me, it's so hard.

Your closed eyes don't look at me,

I feel the pain, I don't want to breathe,

You wont wake up from this dream,

Without you, how can I live?

Broken magic, broken magic now I got.

Fly to angels, my darling, tonight.

Everything is broken... Broken magic.

-HOW MUCH I GIVE (THANK YOU FOR THIS) (2013)

How much I give I never gave enough,

Talking about this important stuff,

I have wishes just like you,

Cannot fix my heart with glue.

How much I give I never take a prize,

Like I don't have s soul, it's a zero size,

Use everything, you'll never understand

You push my soul to the end.

Remember when everybody came here to you,

Asked "why you cry?", even that was untrue?

People always say I'm friend the best,

But I always got a pain, you take the rest.

I had success, what I've got from that?

Had anybody seen my blood and sweat?

Everything in this friendship is about you,

Nothing how I feel and what I do!

I kill my feelings, I keep bleeding, 

Oh, you don't even see the scars,

I feel so stupid because I've met you, 

Now this is going so far...

And please, don't pretend that you was my friend,

When everybody on this grave stand 

And you are killing me slowly, you was my enemy...

Why because of you I have to go to this dream?

Somebody, help me!

I don't have to go under land

Because of non-real friend!

-LAST SONG (February 2013)

Last song written on the piece of paper,

Last tear which felt on hand.

Last pain in chest, my last one,

It has to be the best, it's the last.

Last song and the last melody in my head,

Last whisper of this sad song.

Last shiver, then I'll say so long,

This song is the best, it's my last.

Colour of pain when I lose my brain,

I sing because I have music in veins.

No happines, it's just crazyness, 

This is the last song, I am powerless.

When my body becomes bloody

No more things will be learned,

My song last will be the best,

I sing it with pain, now and never again.

-APOCALYPSE (April 2014)

Apocalypse, apocalypse!

Say the last words from your lips. 

Farewell, goodbye world, rest in peace.

End of time... Apocalypse!

Apocalypse, the end of time, fire storm, why you cry?

Your tears won't scare this fire.

Flame is burning the ground, sky and trees all around,

Even oceans can't beat the flame, nothing will be the same,

You can't run away from death, it is everywhere.

Salvation won't come this time,

Say words before you die,

Last words come out from lips 

I watch...

Every place where meteor falls

Became graveyard of a fire storm,

I can feel the flame, so realistic,

It's a living hell,

Apocalypstic.

Women are crying, men shouts, 

Screams are coming from your mouths.

No peace after apocalypse.

-CALLING OF A SERBIA (2o14)

Somewhere in the field, near cold water,

Between the flowers and under tree's crown,

World of magic, fairies are dancing free,

Calling rain to come, to fall down.

Deep in the forest, at the midnight,

In the lonely house you could hear the noice,

Some say it's vampire, others just don't know, 

You could believe, it is your choice.

Sun is flying without a wings,

Painting a new day,

Makes my river sparkling,

I want to say "Welcome here."

Calling of Serbia, calling of a fairy's song,

This melody makes my mind strong.

-MARK (2014)

Every mistake you made and all of them in future

Could only be your own hell.

Every word  you said or everything you've done is you,

They will recognise you very well.

Everything I ever done became part of me,

It will be in my life until I breathe.

Make my mind powerfull, make me die like a hero,

Need to forget every word, they won't exist, no more.

Make me forget who I am, make me stay,

My dreams are my magic, just bring me back to right way.

Every lie you said and all of them in life

Could only be your own tears.

Every word you said or everything you have done is you,

Don't make yourself fall on your knees.

Everything I have ever done now is part of me,

Even when I die, no matter where I will be,

Everything I've done is in my mind still...

Set me free!

-CANDLELIGHT (2014)

Dark sky starts to cry,

Trees with their shadows are standing in dark,

Candlelight in the night,

Through water will pass one more time to shine.

Screams from crying night,

Are praying for candlelight,

Hope that salvation comes will never end.

Even the whole world falls,

Even I cross these walls,

This will still be my lovely land.

Candlelight, bring hope on this fields!

Candlelight, turn back here our peace!

In the night be our sun till you shine

Candlelight, in the church... For life!

Through the water, through the flame,

Through the debris, through the snow,

Through the thirst and hunger,

Through the storm and the war.

Hundred angels are playing, to the sky they keep flying, 

Through this endless night, through this endless fight,

Sky is still grey but there comes new day,

Through the whole world and under the space.

-AFTER PAINFULL NIGHT (2014)

Call my lonely world endless sorrow,

With the sparkling of the sun come to me,

After painfull night, if I die tomorrow,

Just leave the blue roses here.

Loneliness of the night is knocking here on my door.

Dark, light, how to know what is right,

When will be ended this war?

Dark, light, left or right, day after night of a lifetime fight.

Down, up, walk or stop,

Hold it and drop, to live or to die?!

Sorrow of the night will take this prize.

Alive, dead, how to understand,

Life gives to us a bad surprize.

Alive, dead, go or just stand,

Water on the land with the tears drowned.

Black, blue, false or true,

I for you am leaving nothing but sand.

Leave my blue crystals next to me,

Roses will cover my hand,

Like waves of water around my hair,

Water on the land with the tears drowned.

Let their perfection to cover reality

Let them sparkling under this sun,

Then no one will look at me,

My painful night is done.

-ROOTS (2014)

No, no way, I think I still hear my roots

Call me to walk back

To the field where people lived 

And died before me.

One, one day I will come there to the roots 

Which hold my tree, to the world which once existed, 

Hundred souls from nowhere.

Roots.

On death field you are already resting in peace,

Your spirits are there, hidding in the debris,

This blood in me is the same as your had been,

Roots are calling me.

Cold stones are your current home,

No one could mention you all,

Your lives are lost in the centuries,

My roots are calling, my roots keep on calling me.

After hundreds centuries, the last leaf of a family,

Maybe past was just a dream?

But my roots are calling me to go back to the tree,

Till my death to be here.

-FAKE ATTENTION SEEKER (After graduation, 2014)

I'm maybe seeeking perfection,

And maybe this is my obsession,

But I am tired of your protection,

I'm not doing this for attention.

Stop calling me attention seeker,

I know very well I am not,

I'm not doing this because I'm emo, 

I'm not doing this because I'm goth.

And stop talking like you know this,

You don't know story very well,

Don't tell me, I can't listen this,

Leave me alone or go to hell.

Even my whole world falls it will be the same for you,

Stop judging when you don't know what someone's going through.

Sympatize is waisting, I don't need these lies,

Fake attention seeker won't listen you next time.

If this is for attention why is my head screaming?

Why is my heart bleeding? Why I lost my feeling?

Why I cry? Why I lie? Why I lost my own life?

Why I don't resist temptation, why I want to die?

How to be normal when I know I can't,

How to make people to understand,

Hell yeah, you know who I am even better that me? Oh, damn.

-BLACK FEATHERS (2014)

White feathers felt on the floor,

Perfect white like a snow,

Ugly duckling is becoming black swan,

The only thing I want is to run away from myself.

Dancing for a death, 

No returning back,

These tears which are shinning bright

Are killing my dignity tonight.

Dancing till the end,

Waiting my death,

It's the end of my last day,

This swan needs to fly away.

Black feathers soon will fall

Black and heavy like my soul,

Ugly duckling is becoming dead swan,

The only thing I want is to run from this crazyness.

You can't stop bird to fly,

Even you know it will die,

Hundred feathers, hundred knives.

-PERSON FROM A MIRROR (2014)

Stand while my hand is quietly calling death,

To the moment when my hope will be left on the rope.

Passion to live long ago disappeared,

But wish to die now is there alive.

Over and over again, like routine of my life,

Fear makes weak, sadness will kill,

Emptyness finishes war inside.

Over and over again, like that's not real,

Tears would call and pray for blood,

But peace won't come here.

Person from the mirror, look at me,

Stop controling me, I can't live,

I am that thing that you see,

My soul is fading, set it free.

Person from the mirror, stop it,

I can't feel anything,

You aren't my real friend,

But you are the one who understands.

You are the one who knows what I wish,

This race must have its finish,

Sing me your last lullaby,

Tell me your last goodbye,

I won't be your prisoner,

I know it's wrong but no more time to care.

-BLEEDING FOR MYSELF (2014)

Stop searching into my the biggest fear, 

I don't want anyone to be near,

Don't tell me what to do and again, stay away,

I'm not bleeding for you, I'm bleeding for myself.

I decide to keep this lie, to hide my life

Now and till the end of time.

Stay away, my soul is grey,

Every day is my new chance to fade away.

I know what I'm doing because I lost my mind,

There is no question am I fine,

There is question am I alive

And could I keep my precious lie.

I know what I'm doing because I stay away

From other souls every single day

In my kingdom of blue, black shades and grey,

I can't live the other way.

OCEAN (2014)

The Earth will drown in water 

And then you gonna see me no more.

Darkness of your mind sends you to sleep,

Through the dark ocean your soul is falling deep.

I see something in the water, seems it's not a mermaid,

Her voice is breaking this silence,

But she looks more like me.

Your voice is calling me for the old deal with my mind,

Ocean brings me all the tears, mine already dried.

Your voice is calling me for the old deal with my mind,

Ocean now has something that no one could find.

Everything what I was from this moment won't exist

Because I have a stone, not heart, and destiny written on my wrist.

"Blue sorrow, please leave me like you did before,

On melody of my heart.

Blue crystal water from my dark dreams

Became my graveyard."

Not a mermaid, not an angel, not coward, not brave,

My dark melody forever will stay.

Guilty and innocent, numb and decisitive,

It's early to die, but too late to live.

Ocean's keeping melody of my last goodbye.

-DEPRESSIVE BIRTHDAY SONG (25.12.2014)

In the dark room you and yourself

And half decorated Christmas tree,

They said "We wish you all the best",

Just empty words nobody believes.

Do you really think I wish something good,

Love, friends, to go out of the dark?

Do you really think I want hundred years

To finally go to sleep in my ark?

Take your cake back, I won't eat it,

Keep words to yourself, I won't listen,

Lock the door and leave me in darkness,

One more bloody poem will be written.

Take your love back, I can't recieve it,

Iceberg simply has no feelings,

Leave this room, I don't want you to stay,

I prefer to be alone on my birthday.

In the dark room I am alone,

I feel I should have died long ago,

Having hard time to make myself stay,

It's hard to listen "Happy birthday."

That event when you suppose to celebrate,

You just want to cry whole day,

Sorry, everybody, don't think that I'm rude,

It's seems so normal, it's my ussual mood.

Let me be myself even it hurts,

At least on this winter day,

Don't worry for me, I am insane,

Let me forget it's my birthday,

Let me forget that I am alive,

Year to year closer to die.

-THREE DAYS OF RAIN (2015)

Different minds, same thoughts,

You haven't seen me, I didn't know you.

You hid it inside, under your smile,

Same thought shared you and I.

You bled once, I'll bleed forever,

I really wish I knew you better,

So alone, I know how it feels,

When everything starts to seem unreal.

Three days of rain from eyes,

Years and years of my precious lies,

Hidden reasons on both sides,

One is here, one chose to die.

Three days of rain from eyes,

I know you see how heaven cries,

Come to me, my red butterfly,

I think that I know what is in your mind.

Different problems, same thing,

Neither day nor night nothing good brings,

How it would look like if you choose to stay?

We all gonna see you one day.

Different minds, same thing,

Flower which felt down in spring.

I wish I could go back in past or to read minds,

Afraid to know what else I could find,

Anger, cold heart, the lake of tears, 

Confussion, sadness, pain, your fears,

Brother of mind, you would know,

Where death is sleeping, where life has gone.

Did your mind just fool you,

Did you had this dark thought?

Did you hide hell in head,

Afraid that no one could understand?

I wanna become your friend.

-FOREST (2015)

Shadow from the sun, night is slowly falling down,

Forest quietly sleeps, lost in this sea of trees.

Whispers from souls, to moonlight they crawl,

They searched for salvation, tired of desperation.

Tell me, destiny, where are you directing me?

Through the flames I see your face

Walking through the sea of trees,

You want from me to follow you

Offering eternal peace.

I am scared of being here,

Why you called me, Yúrei?

Is this just one of my dreams,

Save a tree for me...

Alone on the dark place, voices are killing silence,

My heart won't return back,

Just tie this rope around my neck.

Tell me, Yúrei, where you leaving me?

Peaceful morning in the forest

But the darkness here forever lasts,

On the soft autumn breeze

My hair is dancing with the trees.

My skin is pale and cold

You can't wake me up no more,

In the sea of trees

Souls can't rest in peace.

-GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION (2015)

Whispers and laughing behind your back are

So painful that you're falling like a black star,

They're finding your mind and making bad scars,

Nobody's near to stop this farse.

Then she came in, pale like a ghost,

Hugged you with her arms cold like frost,

Promised that you'll nevermore be lost,

And then again left you on the dark coast.

In front of her legs again you fall,

She has perfect body, perfect soul,

Once you start there is no return,

Everything you like she will burn.

Even one day you'd try to crawl,

You will be left all alone,

When you'd scream no one would heard,

Slowly, you are becoming her.

Running to catch a salvation

But this is just one more illusion.

Tired of trying to keep lying,

Everything is fine, I am good in denying,

I am so broken, no tears for crying,

Am I still alive? I feel nothing.

Lost sence about time, she stole your mind.

Mirrors show you ghost, but you don't see it,

You can't see it, you see the person from before,

The one who smiled and wanted more,

The one who didn't want to disappear,

The one who wanted someone near,

The one who would never hurt you,

She is not here, this is you,

You have her body but you lost your soul,

Find piece of sun before you lose it all.

Ghost called you, hugged you like a friend,

And then killed you like an enemy.

Your soul is gone.

You BECAME HER.

-SAFE HEAVEN (After moving out, 2015)

Safe heaven behind something which was called life,

Everything just doesn't exist, seems unreal,

Could I return my peace?

Cold walls hide my secrets,

Every inch of them has my memories,

I was alive once, long ago,

Everything just doesn't exist.

Safe heaven hid an angel, made a demon.

Forever I'll be flying, but I won't see you, no more.

Stayed alone behind something which was called life,

Crawled to let myself

To see my the first sun rays.

Heaven, my shell, my tower, my home,

Days of life I had now are gone,

Gone, they are gone.

Safe heaven, born like an angel, dying like a demon,

Forever, my mind will stay even when I am gone.

-MOUNTAIN LAKE (2015)

Far away from eyes hidding my paradise,

Up on the mountain magic lake still stays.

Crossing stones and ground, listening this magic sound,

Pink flowers are touching me, drops of rain are sparkling 

On the green leaves.

I am free, hundred stars light my way,

To the lake, deep hidden on the mountain,

I need perfect blue and promise to make

That I will stay forever on the mountain lake.

After several days I found my magic place,

Crystals in the water shine,

Right now, it's all mine.

Is it all even true, standing near perfect blue,

Sun reflection touches my face,

And disappears in the space,

Behind a blue gate.

Flowers on the water, could I wake up from a dream?

Shall I stay in this beauty? Do I belong here?

Pink flowers are floating, floating to me in the end of a day,

Watching perfect sunset on the mountain lake.

-HOW IT LOOKS LIKE (2015)

Ready to show it to me could I go more deep,

To lock myself for whole week, 

To spend days in sleep, to starve myself to death,

To be forever sad.

Hidden from the day, 

No one needs to look this ugly face,

Want to be alone

Today or maybe several days.

I'll let emotions go,

Let me be emotional zombie,

The better I get now 

Later it's more killing me.

I am not alone, I got my pain and my bed,

Person who doesn't like herself

Cannot have any real friend.

Depression gets me, she wants my company tonight,

She wants me to follow her 

In the search for a light.

I'm so happy, I wanna die,

Had I ever been deep enough to feel

How death's looking, do heaven and hell 

Even exist, are they real?

No lights for me - I'm in dark,

These dreams inside me make me so silly,

Sorry Nature for my existence,

Sorry I exist. Please, kill me.

Show it to me, let's see could I handle it,

If I can't, nevermind then, I know you'll make me dead.

This is how it look like

When you lose your brain, when you feel the pain

On the place where once was your soul, 

I blame myself, it's all my fault.

-THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE WORLD (2015)

Hello people, I'm coming down,

Greet the biggest loser in the town.

Forgive me all I had told

Now I am the biggest loser on the world.

Oh, I'm on the top of the world,

Ironically, never been so low.

Coming down.

Today I'm losing my wings,

Forgetting my life and memories,

Dying.

If you look above and see something flies

Run away, close your eyes,

If you look above, don't scream,

That bird above is just me.

Hello people, I'm coming down,

Greet the biggest loser in the town,

Forgive me all I had told,

Now I am the biggest loser on the world.

Oh, the hell with me,

Why I can't just die in peace?

Coming down.

My mind wants this,

I am not someone to release,

I'm nothing.

Broken. Crying. Shivering. Standing. Coming down.

The biggest loser in the town,

With the tears which are falling down,

Losing breath, wings, soul, life...

Goodbye.

-FREE MY SPIRIT (2015)

Returned with a dream to finish what I wanted

Long ago, to say what I needed

To free myself at least in this dream.

To run away from place which follows me

Everywhere, to run away from people

To free myself is all what I need.

Free my spirit now.

Walking on this road forevermore,

All I need is to set me free,

Now to feel the wind in my hair,

Loud to sing, until I lose this dream.

Wanna be wild like nature around me,

Changing past, to be what I crawed,

To free myself at least in this dream.

Don't lock me in this dark prison again, 

These walls are awaking my deepest pain,

To free myself is all what I need.

Free my spirit now.

Leave to live through my dream,

To continue there where I died,

To feel the freedom I always wanted.

To let my hair on the autumn rain,

To show emotions and all I kept inside,

To do everything which now I can't.

Running away from the prison, running to the nature,

Why I stopped myself from being me?

Tried to make a different creations,

But killed a person who I am supposed to be.

-FOLLOW THIS STAR (2015)

Opening my eyes, seeing the hills,

Walking to them, feeling the breeze,

Roses I hold can't hurt me anymore,

There is no pain behind the Nature's door.

Part of the Nature, part of the world,

Where every water is sparking like a gold,

Fire of Sky is sleeping till dawn,

Moon is watching me through the tree's crown.

Listen the Earth, but sky is calling me

To fly away so far.

Holding fire, but night wants from me

To follow this star.

Hundred stars in the sky,

Which one is mine,

Which one belongs to me?

This must be this little star,

Next to the Moon, but it's so far,

I believe I could get it.

-WITCH SPELL (2015)

Spells of the light are calling the rain,

Power which is healing, power of life,

Holding hands together while whispering spells

And magical drops will from the sky.

Magic of Light, in touch with the nature,

Promised I will protect every being,

Good things always win,

All you need is believing.

Black and white magic spells at the midnight,

Full moon on the sky, fight until one dies,

Black and white, dark aganist the light,

Angel or demon, until one is gone.

Your rays of light can't scare me,

Black magic will destroy you now,

Our black wings will win this war 

And you, angels, will fall down.

Magic of the Dark, in touch with the hell,

Promised I'll destroy your soul,

You'll see how strong I am 

When you become my voddoo doll.

I will never go/ You're powerless alone,

I am on side of an angel/ I'll send you to the hell.

Mother Nature, hear my voice,

Give this dark soul light as choice,

Bring the peace in our world,

Make their hearts shine like a gold.

Sacrificing blood on the pentagram,

Calling a Goddess to make you damned,

Fire of hell is place for you soul,

You are the next angel ready to fall.

-PURE (2015)

Seeing her face, it's so innocent,

Hidding herself from the hurtfull touch.

Living in the bubble away from the shame

Even they say she is hidding too much.

Miss Pure, pure as rose, maid hidden in the light,

Childish face and sweet voice, she knows she is doing what is right.

This world changed too much, but she stays the same,

Miss Pure, sweet and innocent

Till her last day.

Eyes to ground, she doesn't look around,

Controling feelings and killing it inside,

Like some flower on the lonely field

Wants to go away and find place to hide.

An angel, an angel,

Miss Pure, sweet as child,

Don't wanna her to grow up,

Don't wanna her to stop,

Letting her to find place and hide in me.

-WHO I AM (2015)

You hurt me while my sheld felt down,

Cut me with sharp words lot of times,

Scars I have will last forever,

I thought nothing can damage my heart of ice.

Towers are falling down one by one,

Storm inside is crushing all of them, 

I can't fight to protect them,

Sitting and waiting is all I can.

Sleeping on the debris of my life,

If I build it up you'll crush it again,

If I change myself hundred times

I can't change memories who I was then

I can't change who I am.

Had you ever thought what this little girl felt?

Do you think she was happy in her mind?

Do you think she was happy in her body?

When she went home, do you think she cried?

What you think, why she was alone?

Why you laughed because of that?

Was it sin not being like you?

What was the reason for breaking her heart?

Do you know what happened with her?

Do you know she hates herself till then?

Do you know words sounded so scary

To the child who couldn't understand?

And you, you keeped eyes closed,

Thought it was just a childish game,

You monsters lost one soul  because you didn't care,

All you said the rest of us must be brave. 

Hell yeah, I can't stay brave new,

When I am hidding even from my reflection,

I lost myself in that freaken building

You were supposed to be our protection.

Open eyes and see what is happening,

It is too late for me but you must save other beings.

-MY PERFECT AGONY (2015)

Blue field, three letters, cold tears, red bracklet 

And one hundred thousands fates,

All of them want one, a secret place to run,

An escape from the hard days.

But then place started to change,

Destroyed all what we had,

Love turned into hate,

Everything suddenly became bad.

Hey, I'm wearing this bracklet too,

But mine is liquid as water, nevermind,

I know it's all about you.

Hey, it used to be my save place too,

Place where I felt alive and loved,

But now I don't know who the hell are you.

On one day I had all of you, 

Next day I woke up alone,

Laughed and cried to myself because you are gone.

Where I made a mistake? Did I hurt some of you?

Was I too bad for your company? If so,   why you didn't tell me the truth?

Two years I found place to live 

In My Perfect Agony,

Kinda forgot that reality is hard

Now I am supposed to go back to the graveyard.

Now you won't know when I cried,

When I bled and had I died,

You won't know because you didn't give a damn,

Take care and pretend you understand. 

My tears will hidden in my wings,

I'm leaving you in your peace.

-LOW (2015)

No matter where we go our hearts will go low, low,

Deeper and deeper digging in the ground,

To see what is hidding down.

Treasure from the ground is rissing with our calling,

Dyed with the black rain that started falling,

Making the Earth spinning around,

A great treasure from the underground.

Standing on the edge, jumping into the hole,

Just to see what is in the end of the road, 

Treasure in this land must be found

Going into the dark night - low, low, low.

Dying to again see the sky 

But treasure under is shinning bright,

Deeper and deeper trying to get

Even I know I will regret...

Black rain is covering the treasure before

It rise and disappear above

Our heads and getting lost in the sky,

Flying high, high, high!

-MOMENT OF FREEDOM (2015)

Open my soul and let birds fly,

They must to get out,

Freedom is what they are crawing

And a place to sing out loud,

Before they fall in water

Or hunter rips their wings,

They'll fly to sunset, burn and fall,

Deep in lake finding peace.

Through the window searching sky 

Too afraid to go outside,

There is world I still don't know,

In my world time goes slow.

Singing my song, drawing my life,

Alone spending  days inside,

Doors are open, but I am scared

To search my freedom behind them.

Go and fly, my black birds,

Cover the sky and fly to sun,

Burn before they catch you,

You belong to no one.

Shine from above, make a noice,

Show you were alive to the moment,

You're born for this moment of freedom,

Leave a melody before the end.

Fly...

Flying on the sky alone,

Seeing world from the other side,

My soul was full, but now it's gone,

At leastna I know that I tried,

At least I know for what I died.

-YOU JUST KISSED A DEMON (2015)

Potential bride, yours or others,

Is lying bloodless, between the flowers,

Her eyes are closed, don't wake her up,

Eternal nap should never stop

If she wakes up she'll burn your heart.

Of course, you never listen to me,

Crawing soft kiss from her pale lips,

Which will soon start to bleed.

You just kissed a demon!

Woke up your nightmare, turned destruction on,

Killing is her passion!

Too late to regret, now it's done what is done.

Her feeling are so strong,

This time she'll be the one who won't be gone

To the dark road...

Why you woke her?

She bled because of the one,

Now will make bleed everyone,

Cruel as death, dark as night,

A gate to the last light.

Volcano of emotions, uncontroled.

Hate of a maiden unloved.

Name of love uncalled,

Now she sends it all to the hell.

Blade deep inside of them, her heart is a cold stone,

Those who kissed her pale lips were killed by the girl demon.

-HUNDRED LULLABIES (2015)

Dissapointed, trying to escape from here,

Giving up my life again.

Knowing everything will be the same,

Talking with the shadow which stands near.

Have no will to sing song I made before,

It seems so hard to make myself stay.

Forgot where I am, what date is today,

Waiting your calling and looking to the door.

I need a hundred lullabies to send me to the sleep,

A liquid melody to tie them up and roses in my hands to keep.

I need a hundred swords, they are my old friends,

Many years to skip and wake up in the end.

It's easier to find a painless way to die

Than one to painlessly say goodbye,

I'll play roulette to see what I'll get,

But anyway I'm losing, I could bet.

I need a four candless and music for my soul,

They will shine brighter than hundred of them 

Around my corpse after my fall...

-ABLE TO UNDERSTAND (2015)

Will I be able to tell this

What I'm hidding secretly,

On place where my hopes lying dead?

Will you be ever listening?

I am honnest completely,

Will you be able to understand?

Masquerade is what I serve to you

Hidding my face, hidding the truth

Because I'm afraid what you'll say...

Maybe is better on this way.

I'm no one important, just another soul,

One of millions, forgoten and small,

Revealing my emptyness before I leave

We all have the same deal.

Words are slowly leaving me

They are not sleeping quietly

On the place where my hopes are just lying dead.

There's no one listening

Secret hidden deep between 

Because I'm the only one who understands me!

-CRIME NIGHT (2015)

Crime night!

(Hello darling, remember me?

I want my revenge, ready to kill.

I am waiting, I am a psycho, and I'll find you)

Wherever you go.

Are you scared of the night?

On your place I would be. 

You think I forgot on you,

Yeah, you think, but now you'll see.

Don't leave the place of crime,

Don't call the police,

You are my victim that

No one could release.

Morning will show what I have done,

But no one will make me regret

Blood on my dignity and your dead

Body under crimson blanket.

"Hello darling, we meet again,

But this time I'll hurt you,

Not oposite, like you did then.

Guilt is my problem, yours is to leave,

I am psycho ready to kill, pay your bill,

Leaving you before they come here."

-SWEET SIDE (2015)

Sad... Useless... Introvert... Creative...

Ill... Dramatic... End of my heartbeat.

One eye shows I cried, other shows I tried,

Both waiting day when we will come'n'meet sweet side.

Solution: That solve nothing, only makes problem bigger,

Union: Of all memories which became a trigger,

Illusion: Lost connection between my world and reality.

Calling: Of voices speaking about mortality.

Isolation: Because anywhere I go she'll be there.

Death: Is watching all of us, but no one seems, to care.

Emotions: Can't control them, so they control me.

Standing on the bridge, watching world disappear.

Sweet side of my soul, appologies for all,

Crime I commited they won't forgive,

But they must let me leave,

Seems there is no other way for me.

Tired to explane why,

I gave my best to fight, to try,

Closing my eyes and letting everything die

And floating on the river on sweet side...

-OBDUCTION (2015)

Leave my body alone, you can't analyze my soul,

There's nothing on my skin, all was in soul deep within,

Burn me to the ashes when I became lifeless,

I lived in grey so I became it,

I won't come alive,

Don't analyze me.

Why are you searching reason, is it matter, 

Now when I am gone from this planet?

We people are mortal beings,

Just leave me alone to rest in peace.

If you saved me, I would die again, 

You can't analyze thoughts in brain,

No one can stop death for us,

My body doesn't need more cuts.

Accident or act of destruction,

I don't need an obduction,

Don't care what's your reason,

Let things to move on.

Get your hands away from me,

Show is over, nothing to see,

One last respect, that's enough

For person who won't wake up.

-EYES OF INNOCENCE (2015)

To you, my neverexisting love,

I think I forgot your eyes,

Those are not eyes I once loved.

Innocence you had was stolen by time,

But can I blame you when

My mind is uncontrolled?

Why is my love always turning to hate,

And why I react when it's too late?

Maybe I was sure it wouldn't go well,

And didn't want to take you in my hell.

Dreaming eyes of innocence,

Those which made me fall in love,

I wish they could turn back,

But they are angels and I am so low.

They are dead for me now,

In dreams they are still mine,

Darling, I am faithfull to you,

Waiting you on the sky...

In my broken world

I'm hidding your eyes innocence as memory,

After they died, in my heart

All love stopped existing.

I loved a boy you was,

Not a guy you became,

One lost innocence of your eyes

And they could never be the same.

To you, my neverexisting love,

Keep the child you was,

Don't let them to change you,

Keep your soul crystal blue...

-IN GRAVE (2015)

Brother and sisters of sorrow,

That hide secret because of fear,

Keep dying because of them 

Who are watching, who are standing near.

Brothers and sisters of blood

That want to escape from hell

Are trying to say what is on their hearts

But there's no one to tell.

Revenge one day when I come back from hell,

I shouldn't go there but you put me there,

One day you'll pay, that's what my soul craves

To pay your sin, you put child in grave.

(and left me alone there)

When you'll realise

And sympatize or stop with lies,

Yes, it is a crime,

Not a morbid joke of our time,

How much corbses to bury,

How much long journey

To stop with this,

To let us find our peace?

A million souls from hell want revenge

To return back what is taken from them,

It's too late to say I'm sorry,

They lost everything so they not can

Hear the voices of monsters who helped

Death to embrace their minds and kill

Those innocent persons, who now are staying in hell and waiting for the deal.

-XEROX (2015)

Printing my life on your paper,

You are not original to write it yourself.

Did exactly what I hate, turned me to hater,

It's time to log out and protect myself.

Copy-machine is searching for my device,

Wanna print more or just to read my page?

Anyway, I know, I have to do this,

To get out from this mental cage.

Copy failed! Take out the xerox.

Lost connection! You got an error,

I cut a cable of you, bad xerox,

Forget my name and move on!

It's gonna be hard to take out 

All the cables of my head

That lead me to your device.

Memories drive me mad!

I just wanna protect my world

Need to be myself forever,

Running away from the xerox

She will catch me never.

-MAKE ME PRETTY (2015)

Oh, make me pretty, oh, just make me pretty 

And put me on the sky.

This heartbeats will kill me, but I won't believe it

I'll lie and die.

Symphony of growling and heartbeat,

Walking alone on the street,

Sky is so far and ground is so near,

Empty brain, yet full of fear.

They suspect nothing so you walk,

Avoid to look them, avoid to talk,

Wanna hide yourself far away 

And say the last thing you could say.

Not skinny enough, not tall enough,

Not hot enough, oh, the hell, just stop,

Not happy enough, not fancy enough,

Not pretty enough, we can't take, nope!

Whatever we do we make a mistake,

Betraying ourselves by becoming fake,

Why to be like a superstar

When we are original on the way we are?

Eating your soul for breakfast,

Feeling heaviness on your body,

That is inside of you, on your lungs,

That heaviness that won't let you breathe.

-A BORING SONG (2015)

Such a boring day, 

Sun is shining, wind blows, bit warm, bit cold,

Clouds are passing, people go.

I don't look them anymore.

Such a boring day,

Morning wakes me up, evening sends me to the sleep,

Hours pass, make me bored.

I don't count them anymore.

Such a boring day,

People talk, people laugh, live their lifes, walk and sit,

Telling some unimportant words.

I don't hear them anymore.

Such a boring day,

Checking news, go to work, coming home, watch TV,

Close the windows and the doors.

I don't watch them anymore.

Such a boring day,

Crying myself to the sleep, before start  counting sheeps,

Every day hurts a little more.

I don't want them anymore.

Such a boring day,

People were born, people die, never gonna meet them,

On my turn I'm waiting for.

I'm not breathing anymore.

Such a boring day...

Such a boring death.

-UNKNOWN (2015)

*trigger warning

There is no will to live, I am such a failure of life,

Cannot even slit my damn wrist, failed it several times.

I live for nothing, I'm just here, waiting something unknown,

Tired of living this life, everything inside of me was gone.

The only thing in my mind, planning my suicide,

And breathing, crying, I hate it.

The only word that rips my heart

And date when agony started,

God, let me, I can't handle this!

Even freaken pills don't work,

But I found other way

To kill my worst enemy

I just can't let her stay.

This pain can't fate under my razor blade,

Can't fill emptyness, this brain is such a mess,

These tears can't be stopped, my life is hanging on the rope,

I'm drowning in my own blood...

Controlled by my memories,

Scared by my own dreams,

I have no one reason to stay alive

But lots of them to die.

-JOURNEY TO NOWHERE (2015)

Sweet water, hug me, take me to your core,

Hold me, keep me, I want nothing more,

To explore you, to meet you like I did never before.

Sweet morning, show me in my best light,

Find me, call me, say them what I've done last night,

Wake them, warn them,

Do whatever you think is right.

Want to swim to the bottom, sanctuary for lost souls,

I'll return back tomorrow.

My lungs will break underwater,

There'll be crying and the screams,

But I won't be there to care.

To leave me now you wouldn't dare,

My last journey to nowhere.

Perfect blue, my last kiss, owns me completely,

Like nobody did before, my one-night home.

Break me inside, take my last breath,

Show me place I never seen before

The sweet, dark death...

-KING AND QUEEN (2015)

Deep in the night he was born,

Rulled a world with the darkness,

Found the queen just like him,

The end of the world now begins.

Around his feet are snakes,

In left hand is queen's hand,

In right hand glass with blood,

He kills in name of his god.

Calling of doom, can't hear you,

Where we gonna hide you have no clue,

Don't send your demons for us, 

All your promises were handfull of dust.

We are playing with our own rules,

Killing is a game for those who are scared to lose,

Show now all what you got,

Play not with weapon but with your heart.

Dressed in red, they watch the crowd

A souless brainwashed creatures,

Master of nothing and his precious Queen,

Creating the horror, massacre and sin.

They forgot who they are,

When they tried taste of blood,

Now they want to rule everything

While crowd is shouting name of their king.

Shut up with your call, we won't gonna fall,

One day we gonna win, we aganist king and queen,

Stop with a sacrifice, you have a mercy in your eyes,

Hear the peaceful sound of bell

Cause every demon started as an angel.

-ONLY SLEEPING (2015)

Melody of waves in a morning light,

Her last melody that she used to sing.

Candles in her hands send her to right place

Where she belongs... She is only sleeping.

River of tears she cried before

Now are around her coffin,

Falling from the different eyes

But she can feel nothing.

"Where had you been when I

Felt into my death or when

I had beg for help silently

Why you didn't come then?" 

Lighting up candle for dead

Isn't same as lighting it for alive,

We light it for the ones we care for, 

Unless when someone who we never knew dies.

"You never knew me, never heard me,

Wish I could wake up and run,

But you put me in front of you 

Now when I don't need anyone."

She is only sleeping... She is only sleeping...

Wake her up, she doesn't deserve to be here,

Wake her up, let her to live,

Let wind to blow off candles

And return her back...

It's not her time yet.

Sleeping.

-CRAZY CHICK (BU HA HA) (2015)

*parody

I won't hurt your family, your friends or your cat, 

You and me will die like Romeo and Juliette...

I have poster of you above my bed

Every time I wake up I see your head.

I'm a little creepy but I don't care,

You never see me but I follow you everywhere.

Buhaha. Buhaha. Haha.

I'm wearing neon lipstick and flowery socks,

Dressed like an 80's, it totally rocks!

I'm entering your room while you are asleep,

Really don't know why people call me freak.

No one could touch you, I'm your bodyguard,

We gonna be buried together on the graveyard.

I know that no one should kiss your face

But always carry gun with me just in case.

I know it's maybe selfish and it's not okay,

But I'm prepairing our wedding day.

Gonna keep stalking you seven days a week,

See you tonight, your crazy chick.

Leaving scary notes near your bed,

Knowing all your enemies and your friends,

Putting little chocolates in your coat,

If you say you don't love me I'll kill us both.

Hanging out with your mother, talking with your dad,

Hearing your name turns my face red,

I know everything about you,

Who am I, you have no clue.

Buhaha. Buhaha. Haha.

-NIGHTMARE (2015)

So close to finish it, but I woke up

With my eyes covered with blood,

A nightmare repeating for years

Reminds me on my nowadays's fears.

Leaving me shaking, no one could help,

I should have destroyed them, now I regret,

Place of my sorrow, place of doom

At least in dream must burn.

Fire of my hate will burn it down

They made a monster which I am now.

No more running, there's no place for fears,

One day I'll revenge all these tears.

Other bed but the same dream

Like hunter is always stalking me,

Locking me there and cuts me deep,

Cold walls are all I see.

Faces of people that makes me scared,

Let me out from this nightmare,

Don't put me again in the place of doom,

I want to return back to my room!

Prokleto mesto iz mojih snova prati me iznova i iznova,

To nije bila samo noćna mora već moja trauma najgora.

Run whole night. They didn't see when I was gone.

I have no reason to be there, long ago we are done.

It's been for a years, I thought I was set free,

It was an illusion, you are still haunting me!

No lessons to learn anymore, I'm sure I've learned it all,

Learnt how to become a monster, crawing to die faster.

Wanna take my brain out, not to hear when you shout,

Let me die in this dream and never again come back to me.

-TWELWE CONSTELLATIONS (2015)

Through the desert walking with no water,

Follow the lion to Africa's horizont,

He'll lead you to the warm sea,

But you still won't find me.

On the warm sand there's girl with the jars,

Offering you water and show you the sky,

She'll show you the birds above the sea

But you still won't find me.

Birds from the sky come back to you

Twin birds that show you the way,

They'll help you to cross the sea

But you still won't find me.

Across it is a green field with sheep,

They lead you throught the soft grass,

They'll show you where is the key,

But you still won't find me.

While the fire of sky is burning quietly

Archer will haunt the shadow of you,

He will whisper you where is the key

But you still won't find me.

On the sunset you'll see the girl in dress

She wears the velvety flower in hair,

She'll teach you how to find a key

But you still won't find me.

In the deep north ocean you'll swim with fish,

And you'll see they are guardians of key,

They will give it, you'll feel you can't breathe, but you still won't find me.

Behind red shall bull looks to you,

He looks dangerous but he won't hurt,

He'll just scare you so you can't breathe,

But you still won't find me.

As you walk you see nothing but the scale,

Showing you difference between truth and lie,

It'll show you place where you'll be,

But you still won't find me.

Finally, you'll see gates on the east,

Guarded by scorpius covered with gold,

He'll let you pass because you have a key,

But you still won't find me.

Little crab will hide near your legs, 

Scared of the world, it's so giant for it,

It will hide behind moon tree,

But you still won't find me.

And then on top of mountain you'll see

The goat standing on the snow and quietly,

She'll disappear in winterday's frost,

And then you'll nevermore find me.

-POINT (2015)

Why are people born with an instict for life,

And why we others want nothing but to die,

Why are we born, why are we dying?

What is the point, what are we becoming?

Why there's evil, why there's good?

Why are we even thinking, why we change moods?

Why are crying for death when we'll die too?

It last for centuries, what's there new?

To die is my goal, bring more pills with this alcohol,

I know it sounds bad but I have no gun to shot my head.

Let's face it down, I'm too coward to get drown, 

Secret of scars are hard to keep, 

My razorblade can't go more deep.

For a moment loop hold me back,

But left weird scar on my neck, 

Dreamt a perfect building in my dreams, 

Door was locked - where are damn keys?

There's no way to die by rain,

Seems too much agony to wait the next train,

Searched hundred times "ways to kill myself",

Some stranger wrote "Don't do that!".

What is the point... What is the point...

Wondering: How people are made to love a life?

I guess depression changed my brain.

But really, what's the point of this,

What's the point of my the last wish,

What's the point of writing this song

When I won't stay too long?

What's the point in thinking what's the point,

And what's the point in reproducing,

Is religion only bringing more sence in our lives?

Sorry God, I gave up my battle.

I don't deserve your mercy,

I have done the biggest sin in our religion.

I killed myself long ago.

Now I am only waiting for my cold prison in hell.

Maybe next time I'll be better for this world.

Goodbye.

-LOVE MYSTERY (2015)

What are you? A witch? A fairy?

A princess of a darkness or just a girl?

You saved me once and I saw your eyes

Suddenly everything became a blur.

I think I lost my, my dear,

We will see again

No more.

Return back, dear, light eyes that are crying here

Same void in soul is all what you got.

Even you run to other place I know you won't stay there,

I am your fate, I have your heart.

In the magic blue rose's field 

I'll wipe off tears from my face,

Plucking one rose and send it with pigeon,

To remind you there'll be better days...

Dragon will fly above our heads,

Sending fire between us, send me,

Your water roses to destroy the fire.

Everything is spinning down,

I'm pulling down my crown,

While flowers are flying higher.

Romance of darkness ends with moonlight

Our love ends with sorrow,

Come to the place you belong,

Return back to the mystic home.

-SPECIAL CHRISTMAS (2015)

This Christmas will be special,

I'll dress in my favourite clothes,

Christmas hat on my head,

My room is turned into blue,

While everything outside is white and red.

My cake is made of tears,

My Christmas carol is Gloomy Sunday,

This is my special Christmas 

All these years I waited for this day.

On my cake are no candles in colours

Only yellow ones after this day end,

I feel selfish for my celebration,

No time to think for their offence.

This Christmas will be special.

I'll wear very long shall and fly

Not too long but it will work.

Hope no one will stop my party

Or start to shout from the door.

On my special Christmas I'll skip the music,

My kind of party needs a silence,

Cursing my mother for giving me birth on this day,

But today I forgive with a fake smile on my face.

On this day, years and years ago, I was born,

Cold December evening left me in this cold world,

Every Christmas was my special one

Until I turned seventeen.

Then I realised - every Christmas is same,

Every birthday is same. Bunch of dissapointments.

Story of my life.

While the cold winter evening is coming

And clock is showing five and thirty P.M.

I'm returning back gift I got years and years ago.

My special Christmas is over. Sorry.

-DEEP FROM HEART (2015)

*trigger warning

Depression is not a black dress

That I could take off when I am bored of it,

It's more like my shadow

And goes step by step with me.

Anixety is not a fear

Of something that I see or hear,

It's more like a stalker 

That's always walking near.

Only red that calms me down

Falling down again, but I didn't hurt you,

It's only my pain, I'm responsible for it

And I live with this for years, it's nothing new.

If you leave, then leave, don't yell on me,

If you tell me to stop, no, I cannot do it.

It's easier to judge, but please don't be

The one who will do this to me.

My emotions may not be visible, but they are here,

And words really know to cut me inside,

I'm never joking about how broken I am

And never joking about suicide.

Because I know it's not my choice,

And I didn't chose depression,

Didn't chose to hide myself in the dark,

To wait death train on this scary station.

-NATURE (2015)

Purple land, blue water,

Perfect pink sunset,

Is it dream, is it real?

Moon will tell me.

Dreamy girl is sleeping

In her bed made of leaves,

Time for me to wake up

And find peace.

Melody, all I hear

Flowers rise to greet me,

My blue roses and diamonds 

In the blue sea.

Moon is coming here,

Sun is disappearing,

Sending nature to fall

Into the sleep.

Purple land, blue water,

Perfect pink sunset, 

Nature prepares to fall 

Into the sleep.

-BLUE ROSES'S SYMPHONY (2015)

Blue roses...

Standing grandieviously on the harsh northern wind

They will not move at all (Let white snow to fall)

Watching silently, they know that one day

They will reach their goal.

My heart beats only on this field

Where my root holds my feet,

Got one more chance and I suppose

To live on this field like a blue rose.

Like an artist who see things from a different angle

I'm drawing my own mural on the wall,

Roses are watching silently, they know one day

I'll reach my goal.

Grandieviously, silently, other roses wait for me

To shine on moonlight, to glow in our light,

Roses, blue roses, blue roses...

I'm alive again.

-FIGHT FOR PEACE (2015)

Again it will start, the end of the class,

It would be better if I wouldn't move from this desk,

It's time for everyone to take off their mask,

To survive this hell would be a hard task.

Will I hide again? I'm ready to show what I might do.

You lit the flame and now I'm ready to fight, wooohooo!

Will I cry again? I'm ready to show these bastards what I might do,

Nothing will be the same after our fight,

I will beat you, wooohooo!

Outside I hear your voice call my name

And you are laughing at me again,

You are so triggering, oh damn,

My mind doesn't act the same.

Time for little girl to beat the bastards down,

I can hear my heartbeats, they are so loud,

No rules anymore, everything is allowed,

It's the fight time, I'm ready now!

If they stop us at least I know what I do,

It's still better than to eternally be hurt by you.

My hate was there already, it's nothing new,

Damn, I feel so powerful!

-BLOOD (2013 demo, 2015 official)

Blood from my heart is falling down, down, down.

In this room of blood it cannot be stopped,

I dare to play with my own life,

Under my legs is a river of blood

Don't you dare to call me back to life.

Blood from my heart is falling down, down, down.

Everywhere is blood, everywhere blood from my heart.

I am immortal, I cannot die, 

Don't worry, dear, everything is fine,

Room turned to red, that what is falling from the walls

Is the blood from my heart.

-I WANT TO DIE (2015)

My life is worthless, my life is wasted,

We all gonna die once anyway,

We all gonna meet the Death.

Please don't come to me,

Please this time leave me,

Let this poison to work.

I want to die finally, 

I want to die, let me,

I want to die, die... This time.

Everything is so tempting,

Every day is the same,

We all gonna die once anyway

We all gonna find our way.

Please don't say I'm selfish,

Please don't say I'm coward,

I want to save them from me.

I just want to die,

Please let me, I cannot stand this anymore,

Because all this things just hurt me

So bad, oooh.

I want to die.

-CREEPYPASTA (2015)

He was a shy and quiet boy,

I was weird and quiet girl,

He decided to show the world who he is,

So one night he told me

Come with me, bring the fear to them,

Be free, you just can't stay the same.

Creepypasta

Urban legend or true?

They claimed they had seen you.

Every night we walk with blood in our eyes

Little creatures just want to say them hi

Before they die.

Serial killer is in your town,

Dear villagers, get lost, I want your your corbse.

No one had seen me, I'm a surprise,

The last thing you see are bloody red eyes.

Come with me, bring the fear to them,

Be free, you just can't stay the same.

They catch him on the video,

Some people had seen it, oh no,

We'll remove it like it never existed,

Those who seen will be missed!

Urban legend still lives,

What left behind is just a grief,

We are only a myth,

The ones with a mission incomplete.

Wait me and my knife,

I leave nothing behind,

Enjoy my creepy smile,

You won't be there for a while.

-OD (2015)

Knock-knock, no one is here,

No one is crying, no one is drunk,

No one will die, I guess,

No one will know, so no one can lie.

Feeling like I'm high, but I'm gonna faint,

Feeling so bad even everything is great,

I swear this was the last time.

Wanting to cry, but I'm gonna sing loud,

Wanting to lay, but my head is spinning round and round,

I swear this was the last time.

Good night, world, I'm going to sleep,

Medicine in my veins is turning to the poison,

I give up my suffering and dreams

Don't need to hear your lesson.

Goodbye, I'm so pathetic for writting death note,

I know they will know,

The light calls me, I got to go.

Knock-knock, no one is breathing,

No sound, nothing to see,

Girl is sleeping like a child

So peacefull, deeper she is falling.

So much emotions, yet I'm so numb,

I'm entering into my own tomb,

Sleeping inside of it, don't wake me up.

I'm fine. I am fine, only a little drunk.

I swear this was the last time,

I swear this was the last time. I swear...

-PHILOSOPHY (2015)

Philosophy, set us free,

From mental cage, we have rights to believe.

Everything is right, yet all is wrong,

Earth is a strange place to live.

We all have our philosophy in life,

Mine is that life isn't worth living,

It could disappear at any moment,

It will be forgotten like it never happened.

All philosophies are right and wrong,

Some make us weaker, some make us strong,

People who don't think are more happy, 

The hardest battle is the battle with philosophy.

The most important question in life 

Is why are we alive and why we gonna die,

Answer on that never leaves satisfaction,

It leads to bad feelings and eventually depression.

I can't stop myself from standing on the edge,

When I'm locked inside of my mental cage,

They tell me to change my mind,

It's easy to them, they don't think the same,

It will never work for me,

I believe in my philosophy.

-HAPPY WORLD (TEARS ARE CURE) (2015)

This world is supposed to be ideal

With people who sing and dance whole day,

I'm so sorry I ruined this world you want

And, to be honnest - I don't care.

This world is made for people

Who will smile whole time,

There's no mercy for those 

Who did some crime.

In this world people are not dissordered,

Everybody only smile, smile, smile,

Everything is fine, every day'n'night,

And they clap, clap, clap, clap, clap...

Until they don't lose arms.

The freaken hell with this world.

If you want to cry, cry,

Forget rule that everybody has to smile,

Tears are made to clean your soul,

Don't wait emotions to crawl,

What the hell they know, ignore them all!

I don't care if you don't want me there,

This world doesn't belong to you.

Be happy, don't worry, not my kind, so sorry,

Only a fool could smile while

Swimming with the sharks face to face.

There's no smile that could cure this case.

Tears are cure for sad souls.

-FUNERAL OF MINE (2015)

On December 25th, 2015,

I'll finally finish what I started

Twenty years ago. I'll die.

My hopes are already dead.

Even my funeral will be boring,

So don't come. You'll miss nothing.

But me in coffin, surrounded with the fake flowers.

There will be some people I know and 

Rest of them I can't remember.

I wish they aren't coming.

I don't need them. I was alone

Whole life. I don't want them on my funeral.

Some of them will cry. Why?

I stopped suffering. No nightmares anymore,

No cutting and hitting myself anymore.

No heaviness in my lungs and brain.

I am free, I'm owner of my life,

That's what I wanted to be - free.

I'm fine now, I am going home,

My funeral will be boring, don't come.

My parents used to it to live with me,

It will be scary only for them,

I know I am selfish and stupid

Because I am not able to understand.

Let angels be with them

I never could protect them,

At least angels will do,

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I just want to end this suffering,

I am meanless and not worth it,

When God didn't want me I'll go to hell. Oh well,

My funeral is boring because I'm worth nothing.

-OWNER OF MY LIFE (2015)

For everything that happened 

You only reacted with crying,

Show me why you need me,

Show me why you want me here.

I am holding death in my hands,

Say me what you need,

Show me why I should stay,

Show me before I leave.

You made me - this is not a reason,

I am tired of blackmailing too,

Your emotions are more dramatic

So everyone should comfort you.

But I'm good only for laugh, 

You are not able to understand,

Keep looking your own problems and yourself.

I'll go, you keep talking,

Keep yelling at your fate,

In my mind everything is perfect,

I am bad but that's what you made.

Don't go with me, this is the first time I am free,

Please, for God's sake, I am owner of my life,

It's not anymore your problem 

What I'm doing tonight!

Show me any reason to stay!

(I know you don't have them)

-DRAWING MADE OF BLOOD (1.1.2016)

Heaven told what had to be told,

I paint your picture with my blood

To cover smile from your innocent face,

Maybe it will help to survive these days.

Bury me with him, bury me, bury me, bury,

Bury me with him, bury me, bury me, bury,

Don't let him to be so lonely,

I'll be his company.

Bury me with him, bury me, bury me, bury,

Bury me and I'll believe

That his heart isn't anymore cold,

Nor one of my drawings made of blood.

Red flower from garden closed his petal,

It can't get opened,

Writing day when blue rose will close too

And become red.

Even crimson rain fall on me,

And I am suffering desperately, 

I'm still imagining you are here,

Somewhere near, with your sweet face,

Think that God changed his plans 

In a very last moment,

One thing is sure, I deserve to be on your place.

I lost my mind, maybe I'll see you tonight,

Sorry because I'm boring but at least say Hi,

You don't have to smile,

I am one more person who died.

I know it sounds crazy, but I missed you,

I wish you were here, you would know what to do on my place...

I cry while I paint your face.

-MIND RULES (2016)

You know that feeling when you know you'll die

And suppose to say goodbye,

And you know they'll cry

But you just can't understand why,

When you are not sad for yourself,

You don't listen what they tell you

Mind rules, mind rules...

And you lay down like a black cat

Near warm place, to comfort yourself 

But this warmth can't warm your mind,

It rules, rules you, it kills, kills you,

I wish I can comfort you but I can't even help myself, 

Can't listen what heart tells you,

Mind rules, mind rules...

My death wouldn't be surprize,

I gave up from their lies,

And I can't give up my life

Because I never had one.

The most important secret in life

Most of people realize on their death bed,

Life will be ended anyway

No matter is it good or bad.

Mind rules, mind rules...

End of suffering, end of pain, end of me... One more goodbye,

Goodbye to no one.

-RAILWAY (2016)

*parts of the song are in Russian, but I'll write them down in English because of keyboard (#Russian parts are written between this sign#)

#Waiting train of destiny that comes to me...

Nothing is left...

Salvation... The End... Death... Goodbye...#

Dawn will come soon, they are all gone

But me and my soul, we are still waiting

On the railway... Come to my way, don't stop,

Cross me to the death.

#Train is bringing salvation#, I'm the queen of nothing,

#Death, love# take my life away,

One more Anna on the railway,

#Train is bringing salvation#, I'm the queen of nothing,

#Goodbye, my lover#,

No more sunrises for me.

Hidding tears, let them think I died happy,

I see lights, train comes here,

Quietly I'm closing my eyes,

Hope it will be over soon, my blood starts to burn.

Sorry, my love, I had to leave you,

Hope they won't destroy you,

Here it comes, I sing my last song,

I am so sorry for leaving you...

Petals of the roses on the railway,

Wind will take it away,

Sun came to call the new day,

To show red petals on the railway...

I'm dead. #Forgive me#

#(Salvation, The End, Death)#

-UNIVERSE'S SPARK (2016)

Catch the spark I sent to you,

That is spark of my soul,

The beautiful purple-blue spark;

Save it from my darkness.

Living in my universe

Where the darkness rules,

Chocking my artistic soul.

Standing in the dark room,

Living in the place of doom,

Like a broken doll.

Why I still have will to make 

Things I'll never see again?

So much things in my brain

And I'm destroying one more page

With a words made of pain.

Spark in dead universe... Spark in dead universe...

-LOSE ME (2016)

Run until you can, I gave you a chance,

If you stay you'll break my heart for sure,

Lose me.

Chose will you leave or stay here,

I'm good only in breaking nerves, 

So lose me.

This lost would be the best lost ever.

Crimson rain is falling... Crimson rain is falling...

Save yourself darling...

I destroy everything so I just stand here while crimson rain is falling.

So just lose me again like I lost my brain

And my heart, my heart lost crimson rain,

Lose me somewhere in the sea,

Life is much easier without me,

You found me, found me, now lose me.

-CORPSE (2016)

Perfectly pale, as I wanted it to be,

My corpse with blood on my wrist,

No praying for me, they say,

It's time to meet the scary beast.

Oh, God, I'm so afraid, at least I'm dead,

Can't feel this fear inside of me,

Am I in cage or am I free?

Did I kill an angel or demon?

I killed an emotionless zombie,

Taking one more curse to my soul,

Seems I'll never be free.

Goodbye, corpse of mine, we'll see in the next life,

I know you weren't so bad but those memories you had,

Save them inside your brain, don't curse me again,

See what have you done, goodbye, I am gone, you're gone.

This soul doesn't deserve home,

I'm the best in destroying everything,

Who knows who I killed in the past life,

So now I see salvation in killing.

Sleep well in ground, my corpse,

My hunger is satisfated,

I know what you were and who,

But they'll know you only as dead.

...Goodbye, this life is so dumb.

-IMAGINATION (2016)

Sky got these beautiful colours,

Left me breathless, I'm glad

I had a chance to be here in this moment

Beautiful sky in blue, pink, purple and red.

May I touch the sky to see if it's real 

These rainbow colours above dead field,

Seems like heaven made it for me

And I feel too ugly for this beauty.

I want to let my hair and dress in blue,

Wish for a moment that I can undo,

Everything around me and fly to you,

To do what I can't do.

Dancing on the flower field,

Waiting the full moon on the lake,

Full of lillies that are sparkling under moon,

Sweet are images that my mind makes...

But they are only in my head and remind me

This is not a dream, but a reality.

Imagination took me to the magic place,

Away from sorrow, I'm out of this world...

-TO ME (2016)

Torturing you to the death because you'll never understand,

Grow up, you inner me, how can you still believe?

Oh man, I am so done with this.

Cutting your arm and getting what I want

Your pain and your warm blood to fall,

Hitting your head because I want you 

To forget all the good things you have done.

(Hell yeah, you are worthless)

You are living in your world of music,

Thinking someone will like your art,

This is the only reason you are still alive

I have desire to put knife in your heart.

Everytime  I see you in my mirror

I wanna cut off your body with a saw,

You'll never be perfect in my eyes

Go and dig yourself a row.

Shut up. Shut up, just shut up,

Your words are so worthless, 

Everything you have done is stupid 

And you'll never get out your fortress.

Shut up, don't talk to me, 

You know very well who you are,

In reality you are good for nothing 

You are falling lower than a falling star.

I will end your pathetic life.

-DOMINATION (2016)

The hell, here all alone, who the hell needs me,

I'm gone in wrong way,

Transition came too fast to get used to it,

How people have nerves to do things they hate every day?

Make them brainwashed, but if they wake up 

Earth would be better place for living,

They could kill me slowly, 

But they can't this blue injured bird to sing.

My eyes are opened enough to see

What you want from them, what you want from me,

Hundreds of robots are walking through the street

With empty eyes and same heartbeat.

Industrial revolution, yet our souls are going down,

We are losing ourselves and going to hell of our minds,

Everything seems like a lie.

If it's broken, destroy it, if it's working then force it

To do for you until it drops,

Blackmailing with things it loves.

This is how life is working,

But no one will tell us that thing,

One day you'll wake up old and tired,

Realising the end is close

This will make you sad.

Be in love, have fun, work till you drop,

Be healthy, be perfect, never stop

Walking, walking, to their beat 

Doing every single day on repeat,

I'm getting outta this freaken circle,

They never gonna catch me, can't have me,

I'm a rule breaker, I'm an outsider,

The hell with the bastards who don't see

They think they own the key of machine called our lives.

-BLACK SAINT (2016)

Can't have perfect heart, even I'll try forever,

Can't be what they want, I'm only human being,

Can't be always pure, I'm not a saint 

Yet I'm no evil, neither slave nor king.

We are all saints, yet we are all sinners,

On our way, depends of the religion we believe in.

Every of them has its own virtues and vices

Normal things for us for others are sins.

Black saints are everywhere on this world,

White sinners seems doesn't exist,

Is it possible to be absolutelly pure,

To do everything from the virtue list?

Angels are on the sky, we are humans,

Born to be imperfect, to be everything,

Bad side exist since forever,

It's made not by devil, but by human being.

The perfect human is the one who could find 

A balance between good and bad.

Mistakes are part of us, they are our lessons,

Which doesn't make us worse daughters and sons,

There is no real purity on our world.

-ABYSS (2016)

Abyss, abyss, abyss...

Step back and run away, don't look back,

You don't deserve this, little girl, no.

How can I save you from these canibals

That gonna eat your innocent soul?

You are not ready to see what is in the bottom of abyss,

There is no way to save yourself from debris, from debris,

Can't escape from this shame and from youe memories, a memories,

Lock yourself in imagination while I'm falling into abyss.

Look this bloody creature, dark haired and with dark soul,

That is what you will become... Go!

Bless you and die in peace, your soul is pure, unlike mine,

You can't make it on your own, you are not that kind.

So much shame in my soul, I'm scared...

Help, I don't know what they want from me!

What I've done to them? Why they laugh at me?

I wanna hide in my shell forever 

To make my world of nothing

And to die like a queen of it.

Dying in the bottom of abyss, of abyss,

There where no one can see my tears,

Force of darkness, here I am, take me,

Sacrifaced my soul for the moment of peace.

-POWER (2016)

I'll never reach what you planned me to reach,

Lynx inside of you is scared little kitten,

During the night I became a Blue Rose,

Not a hero anymore, but a pale ghost.

Scream it loud, scream it all loud,

Wake up, wake up, protect your tower,

Even sword hurt me, I'll stay and fight

Can't give up, I have a power

Power of a Blue Rose.

Battlefield is waiting your powers

Those demons are ruining everything,

Your powers have to save the world 

So don't be afraid of dying.

Free the lynx, open your wings,

Fight on more time for me.

-SUSAN (2015)

Who are you today?

Can't recognize who you are, how you got this far?

Can't remember things we have done together, are you real?

If you don't know me, why you want to kill?

Who are you today?

This face is not mine, I don't know who am I,

Are these really my hands which make things and paint?

Are these really my scars, they don't even hurt so much,

Is this my own body? I can't believe this is me.

Not sure is this my name, I hear it again and again 

What is this place where I live in, it also seems unreal,

The dream that I had, did I really do all that?

Those people around me are illusion or they're real?

Cannot find out what is real, wake me,

At least my death will be real, but not for me.

Lillies and blue roses covered my coffin,

I already died,

Lilly was what I am since my birth,

Blue rose what I become on lonely side.

-FOREVER SEVENTEEN (2016)

While the white snow felt I painted with red colour,

Memoars of a pain, forever seventeen,

Shouldn't let it in.

February's painting will never disappear,

All alone with no one near,

Take a pain, make me a human,

Cry for me, there's nowhere to run.

Afraid of others, what they'll tell,

Most of them aren't wishing me well,

Hidding my secret under the cover,

Until my life game is over.

Deeper to death, hopefully the next time will be the last for me

Yet afraid of other's pain, it stopped me,

Forever seventeen, shouldn't let it in.

Wounds are oppened, razor is covered 

With emotions that are hidden inside,

I can't do this anymore, to be alive,

My emotions are drops of blood

And they are not enough,

To kill me and to make this suffering stop.

-THE BEST (2016)

Sound of beautiful song, set me out of my mind,

Kill me slowly as only you know,

Again, I'll go deeper than usually, 

Cry to myself after taking a bow.

Found this little thing I am good at

And knowing I'll never reach anything,

It's not something I want to think,

Can't listen to my mind, it became boring.

Every day thinking how to give up,

Ambition aganist wish to be dead,

How to be on the top of the mountain

If I can't stop myself from being sad?

Destiny, why you've done this to me?

Why you didn't take me when I wanted nothing?

Lost touch with reality, death will save me,

Head from the clouds is easier falling.

Wanted to be good for the queen of my life, 

But she always liked princesses,

I was her Quasimodo from the dark,

Quiet, but never good enough.

I don't want to take a part in the next race,

My life is one big competition,

No way to stop it anymore 

Even this brain is in bad condition.

Alone on the world, no sound, no images,

Finally, I have done one thing perfect,

Everything is gone, my mind is free,

The only problem is - I am dead.

-QUEEN (2016)

Quiet, quiet, queen is mad,

She says she is good, but she is not a friend,

King was fine until she didn't show up, 

Spent everything what he had.

Queen, look at me, I'm dying to show I'm worth it,

I'm not sure are you worth my respect,

You are waiting every moment to remind me I'm not perfect.

Can't believe we are the same kind,

If I become like you I'll destroy my life,

Staying on the black side, opposite of you, 

Keep on hating, I'm not gonna please you.

Greed is your other name,

Whatever we do you dream of more,

Strangers are better than your slaves,

Want to eacape from your face.

Put me on the floor and punish me,

It still won't hurt like your words,

If you come to gate I won't cry again,

Next time you will cry - above my corpse.

I disappointed you and I'm glad I did,

Because you never listened to me,

Your advice were bad and unhelpful

But you still want to rule.

-HELL INSIDE (2016)

Back to the memories of past,

Hearing this hurtful laugh,

Laugh to me, make themself happy,

I can't hear them here, my world is deaf.

Bullet hurts less than words,

It would be better if they shot me,

Death seems more fair than suffering,

I will never break free from this

Hell, hell inside of me,

They are not real, this can't be happening,

Burry these memories, 

Until they are hunting me I'll keep falling.

Sorry for the bad things I've done,

But their sorry won't mean to me,

It's too late for everything, my mind is killing me.

Been on this place before,

Swore I'll never come again,

Erase my past, oh sweet death,

Save me from their calling.

No rain to drown the past,

Slowly prepairing for the eternal rest,

He will know why, He saw everything,

My last wish is to end suffering...

I'm so sorry...

-LONER (2016)

In my world there's no one else,

Only me, but I'm listening,

Words that are coming from lights,

From you, but I'm staying in solitude.

Born to be alone, fine with this, that's my fate,

Don't try to follow me here, I closed the gate.

Loner, like the Moon on our sky,

Loner, no one will ever cross the line, 

My inner world is my mystery,

Solitude is my perfect company.

Creativity combined with the darkness,

Child's innocence combined with psychopathy,

Sometimes I'm scared even of myself,

I don't belong here.

Weird-minded, two sided, mind of stone, heart of cotton,

Weirdo for society, an loner, born to be alone.

-BETTER OFF DEAD (2016)

Just shot! Do it and run!

Make it look like I did it,

Who cares who did this,

Death comes fast and no one can feel it.

Kill or be killed by hundred questions from your brain,

Some people are simply better off dead!

Hating me more than I hate myself,

Sharing an obssesion, 

I wanted to do it

On my own, but no problem,

If this would bring you satisfaction.

Am I crazy, the hell am I doing?

Is death worth of giving up everything?

My bad side shouts at me

"Without it, you'll only keep falling."

Not hating you, whoever you are, 

Just tell me why you hold a gun,

I had my wish but here I am,

Pull the trigger, leave it and run.

If you'll rule my fate, who am I to say no,

Finish it as fast as you can so my soul can go.

-ARTISTIC WORLD (2016)

Many thoughts rose and felt on this land,

Inspired to make my masterpiece

Whatever it will be,

Perfect day for everything, time for writting.

They run, they run to the perfect song,

They rise and fall, seeing them leaving and saying "so long",

They play, they play in my head whole day,

Inspiration makes me stay.

These sparkles are flying to the sky

On my left side,

I make one more song of my soul,

Note by note, word by word,

One more story will be told!

Making a magic from a sound, from a word,

Music is beautiful, it's a power,

It could give a life or take it,

To make us happy or sad,

To be hard as stone and fragile as a flower.

Let me stay who I am - an artist,

I have power to create

A world of fantasy and mystery.

-REST IN HELL (2016)

While you are dying, I'll smiling,

Feel this pain all over again,

See how it hurts, bleeding wounds,

I'll go to the hell anyway,

There's no perfect word to say,

You made me what I am.

Cursed soul, I'll curse you to the death,

Laughing on your grave,

What's a pitty you can't hear me,

That's how much you hurt me,

Get outta my damn memory.

Numb smile will be the last thing you see

Before you get killed by me.

The best thing would be to get you out my brain,

Alive or dead, it will still be the same.

Only bars are holding me away from you,

To drink your blood from my hands,

I need revenge and to make you bleed

Before misery kills me,

Rest in hell, cruel bastard.

-BORDELINE (2016)

Why? Why me? Cut this rope and let me fall down where I belong,

I don't want them, don't need a savior,

He will only crush all my plans.

I can't go like this too long,

I can't do this anymore,

I can't do this anymore,

I can't do this anymore.

Abbandon me, I don't need it,

Won't ask for your mercy,

Go away from my mental screams,

I'm the one who will save me,

Grave calls me, it needs me,

I hate you, I hate me,

In the end there's release.

It was all of my fault, I'm sorry,

I am selfish possesive bastard and

Destroyed everyone's life, don't worry,

Soon I'll be punished underland.

I'm the worst of my kind, 

People like me always end in grave,

Good for nothing, wanted understanding,

For them I'll be an attention seeker,

Even my secret was kept on safe.

I can't do this anymore...

Mental breakdown occupates me,

Death is my savior,

And then I won't need anyone anymore.

That's the only way.

-THOUGHTS (2016)

Dying sky never cries before it dies after night.

When the new morning calls the dawn,

Pure and bright without it,

Lily drowns in the water

Drown by the crimson rain,

Dead again in the dream

Heart finally loses heartbeat.

Dark thoughts, neverending, are flying on dead field,

Blood from my veins is behind me,

In my eyes there are no tears,

Who stole them from me?

Honnest words, I feel so free because I know

My thoughts won this time,

They tell me to go.

Kind of thoughts that never leave you,

Staying with you until the last day, 

Never seeing how deep you felt

Even they tell you you're not okay.

-IF WE KNEW (2016)

Never again the same mistake (if we knew, if we knew),

Signs were here in front of you (if we knew, if we knew),

What else do you need?

They believed you and we all do,

After tragedy is easy to say "If we knew".

Everybody is hero when the battle is lost,

Everybody knows better than warrior,

Little warriors needed someone

When battle started all of them were gone.

Warriors may die, but it's not their choice,

Alone we can't do too much,

On warrior's grave they'll say "We had no clue,

We would help if we knew."

If I make it more obvious you'll say I'm a liar, 

If I wait for someone time will take me away.

Give me the strenght I that I lost, help me,

Be there for me and this hell will pass one day.

My sword isn't made to cut me, it's made to protect me,

I lost control of my mind,

Wish I could tell what is inside of me.

If you knew, if you knew...

-IGNORISANJE (Ignore) (2016)

Everybody took their eyes out,

They see others only when they disagree,

Humanity is gone with wind,

Empathy is gone deep in the sea

Of hate, of selfishness,

And then they ask why I want to take myself 

From this world, from this hell.

Zašto da gradimo svet, zašto da spašavamo ih, 

Lakše je sve gurnuti pod tepih.

Zlo nas kontroliše, ima ljudski lik,

Borimo se sami protiv svih.

Being at the bottom is hard,

But don't make it harder than it is.

This is not devil playing with their minds,

Only people that want release

From pain, from reality, 

Why is so hard to believe  in craving death,

Life isn't what it used to be.

Pogledaj ljude te koji padaju dole,

Neki plaču dok drugi raduju se,

Izgubili su veru u ljude,

Ni samom sebi se više ne veruje.

Ludilo nikada nije postojalo, 

Postojali su samo nesrećni ljudi,

Oni koji su kontrolu izgubili,

Slomili se i ostali slomljeni.

-NEVER AGAIN TRUST TO YOU (2016)

Wanted to be your flower

To kiss you like I never did

Loved you more than my life

But now, I am not a kid

Anymore, I'm not trusting to you

Oh the hell, what I saw in you,

Dreaming, keeping dreaming you,

But never again I'll trust to you.

I'll never again trust to you.

Dreamed you and me last night,

You saved me from the death,

Love is hard with a girl like me,

Glad you'll never feel that.

Passionate kiss for your lips,

Endless love and endless hate,

You'll get everything from me,

But my trust you'll never get.

-DEVIL TOWN (2016)

*for the story "Devil's town"

It was a normal town, we laughed while we sat there,

Suddenly we saw faces, all of us became scared.

Mountain was near us, it looked odd and creepy,

Like someone had drawn it, night came above the buildings.

Moon has upside reflection, too scared to look around,

I would die if that was a full moon

Because we are in damned devil town.

Beware, ropes are tied to the chanliders,

Tomorrow we'll find corpses turned brown,

Like a black magic, they keep on dying 

Run until you can from the devil town.

Sun only lasts for the short time,

Darkness is combined with the creepy sound,

We died and we'll die since the beggining of a time,

Waiting my death in the devil town.

Entered the room and saw two corpses

In the next room were two more of them,

In the third room saw corpse of girl that I met,

I only wanted to die again.

Some old lady was in the same room,

And then doctors came to take a girl down.

I burst into tears, said "I can't take it anymore",

That is how I'll die too in the devil town.

Doctors brought a medicine, but I threw it,

That won't help me to ease the pain,

The devil town is becoming bigger and bigger,

Our mental cage, the hell of our brains.

So much of us died, can't even count,

Our inner world is devil town.

-I SHOULDN'T HOPE (original from 2013, new version 2016)

Look what they have done to me, they feel no guilt,

This anguish is everylasting, making my last hit.

Their souls don't see, how they ignored me

While inside I called death, death, death.

Can you see what happened here,

Vertigo takes my soul forlorn.

I shouldn't hope, I shouldn't dreaming,

I only want to die, I only want to die,

I shouldn't go, I shouldn't leave it,

I only want to die, I only want to die.

I shouldn't hope, I shouldn't hope.

Eight damned years I ignored my life,

Told myself one day it will be alright,

But then it  broke me, still feel them haunting me,

Could I escape into death, death, death?

Can't you see what is happening here?

I'm bleeding, praying to die, not for life.

Always when I'm hoping I get nothing,

Why everything should fall there,

How can I live life like that?

So confused, it's awful, I'm scared. 

-SPARK (2016)

Walking on the endless path

Where we're going, where we'll come,

Born for the others, living for ourselves,

In the end, we're on the same.

Spark, part of all of us, our guide

Through this dark,

When we're dancing on this scary field with closed eyes.

Fall will come anyway 

But in the end there will stay our spark.

When everything disappears she will be here

To remake a world from debris,

She's a music, an eternal symphony,

That guides us through the war and peace.

-GOODBYE (2016)

"Sorry, you'll know why I have done this.

I can't stand it anymore. I'm so afraid, so hopeless...

Please, don't destroy my art, it was my spark. Don't give my body to autopsy - there is nothing to see. All hell was inside of me but, thankfully, it will be gone with my last breath. I know you'll understand.

Days of imagining this moment will be gone, I am done,

Walked as far I can but this is it, The End,

There's no excuse that will make me stay 

So many years I waited this day,

This is only between me and myself,

Whatever they'll say, it will be like I'm deaf.

All alone, me, myself and I

Whole my world gonna die,

Emptiness, the only word inside,

Suicide, suicide.

I' quitting, they'll be alive

To see how it looks from the other side,

The only thing that I'll ever find

Suicide, suicide.

Religion can't save me, can't think about family,

It won't get better like that, I know it,

Your excusses can't help me.

Better walk away if you can't say

Something to give me one more day,

I would do this and without you,

Going through this is really painful.

There is no point in expressing how it feels,

This is only goodbye song I sing,

I'll never be part of this society,

Mother and father, goodbye and I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

-INCOMPLETE (2016)

This is not something that normal person feels,

I feel alive only when I bleed,

There's nothing else that makes me feel alive 

When I make my skin burns, make my heart bleed

And it bleeds down to my feet.

No, there's nothing inside,

No, cause I lost my mind,

Do you feel how it feels?

Can you feel how it feels, oh,

I am incomplete.

I am emptyness, there's nothing within,

Every day thinking about something that you think it's sin.

There's nothing else that makes me feel alive 

When I make my skin burns, make my heart bleed

And it bleeds down to my feet.

I lost my mind...

-BLOODY BODY (2013)

Tonight I will be peaceful, no more angry or mad,

Wind and rain dance together, sky is bloody red.

Wind and rain dance together, sky is bloody red,

I won't show my truth, I hide that I'm sad.

I won't show my truth, I hide that I'm sad.

My mind needs to be stopped, yes, I lost my head.

My mind needs to be stopped, yes, I lost my head.

I won't ever wake up in my room and bed.

I won't ever wake up in my room and bed.

With knife in one hand, with blood around I'm lying dead.

Looking at my bloody body, bloody body, bloody body,

In one hand knife, in other an empty glass,

Looking at my bloody body, bloody body, bloody body,

In my head just happened crush,

Looking at my bloody body, bloody body, bloody body,

Tonight won my dark side,

Crying for my bloody body, bloody body, bloody body,

I felt on temptation of suicide.

It's over now, I am free.

-WOOD (2013)

Scary forest of death follows me, follows me,

Save me, save me, I'm running, hidding,

Lost, lost, lost...

Deeper to darkness, forest pushes me

To sadness, I am trying to hide

Lost, lost, lost...

Damaged dress, blood on my body,

Thorns hurt me, I am bleeding and hidding 

Lost, lost, lost...

Cannot find lights, cannot scream,

Save me, save me, I need to hide

Lost, lost, lost...

Night is so dark, there is so scary,

Cold'n'freezing, I wanna hide

Lost, lost, lost...

I need to stop, praying to God 

Save me, save me, tired of hidding,

Lost, lost, lost...

Save me, save me... Lost, lost... Save me, save me... Lost.

-UNFINISHED (2016)

Ready to lie in coffin as in bed,

I have nothing to live for, my dearest is dead,

The only thing on the Earth I ever loved 

Gone out and killed me like a bullet in my head.

Unfinished song is lying on the floor,

That's supposed to be my death note,

Now it's only some pathetic rhyme,

Pathetic as everything I ever write.

Maybe it's better it left me now,

There is no inpiration, will or love,

I never deserved something so pure,

I'm so sorry for soiling you.

Notes won't come out from my lips,

My precious one, rest in peace,

I made you and you'll die with me,

You were the reason why I lived.

Thank you for showing me how it looks like 

When you feel something nice inside of your mind,

When you fell great in something you do,

When your creative thoughts become true.

Now nothing can inspire me to live anymore,

Nobody to create this world for,

Imagining how it will fall down with me,

It's necessery, but I can't stand it!

My stories, my lyrics, my drawings, my paintings, my artworks, art of comedy, my doll friends I like more than any human on this world...

Leaving you all at the mercy of people who will never understand you...

Who will throw you or destroy you...

No... No... 

I wish I can take you all with me, so we can stay together,

Then I can protect you forever, and you'll forever belong to me. Let's burn together in this fire, it's only way for us to die together...

Goodbye, you made this dying person alive.

-ONE NIGHT MASSACRE (28. October 2016)

Drink wine in front of you, crowd,

It's bitter as my black heart,

I'm rising this glass for your soul, 

As you are falling one by one...

All your masks are falling down

As you are decaying in front of me,

Until only bones aren't left of you

And no longer I hear you breathing.

Victoriously, I'll walk through your bones,

Break them all as you broke my sanity,

Revenge of emotionless creature is harsh,

You provoked me with your pasivity.

Now... Let me enjoy the moment,

Before cyanide kiss me to the grave.

Awake, standing in front of mirror,

Little blonde girl is staring at me

With round blue eyes.

That is someone who I used to be 

When I was alive, when I was pure,

Untouched and fragile.

Then I skipped time and turned five 

Somebody soiled perfect white,

It's not red but still broke my pride.

Scene two, two brown eyes, my first love,

I would give anything for you to be mine,

You're right, I'm not worth to be with you,

But you were worth my blood, my crimson sunshine.

Then I turned into the black room.

So quiet, yet so frightening.

A hundred faceless heads started to laugh,

Their laugh hurt my ears to the bleeding.

"Release me from here, somebody help me, please!"

Blonde girl is gone, now there's only me.

Alter ego escaped in new world,

She got everything I craved,

Such a perfect creature, all I am not,

Even she was only character in my head,

She made a steady shell for me,

Protected me from everything,

So she stayed with me

Until I turned seventeen.

Then... She got killed, but she is still here lurking,

Reminding me how perfect she is.

My secrets got exposed, my heart got closed, 

Never ever I believed to anyone else.

Goodbye you damn bastard, hope you'll die faster,

Than your betrayal lasted.

I protected my destroyer, why I was so naive?

I got you deep in mind and I'll do until I live,

Get off me! Let me! Forget me!

Roller-coster is ridding faster, can't stand in my seat,

Craving do die every night when it comes on repeat,

How are others laughing, how they're standing so peacefully,

Screaming in the horror, please kill me, 

And then somebody is falling

Down,

Deeper than ground, deeper than life,

Everything stopped one day,

Felt away just like that,

Wish that was me, I'm good for nothing and nobody,

Why you didn't drop me?

Sweet sixteen cut me,

Voices are screaming into me,

But there was no voice to scream for me,

To hold me before I fall into abyss.

There was nothing, only corpses,

Died by their own hand,

Felt like I know them all,

Seems we're raised on the same land.

Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

Drops of blood covered my wrist,

They didn't want to take me with them,

Maybe they thought I'm an ugly beast?

Whatever I try they still don't want me,

They just stare at me with their numb eyes,

Their decaying bodies are hanging from the gallows,

It's better to be dead when inner you slowly dies.

Here I am - dead in room full of bones.

We are waiting to go further,

Angels let them go to heaven,

But not me - because I am the murder.

Gate to hell is opening for me,

Never believed I'll be here,

No, I didn't want to kill!

I am innocent, please, believe me!

Devil said: "Welcome, murder, there is a perfect punishment for you,

Eternal fire for your eternal rage",

No, this cannot be true.

Last thing I remember,

Smell of my skin burning in flames,

Unbelievable pain all around my body

And thousands of souls no one tries to save.

Cold tears closed fire underground,

I'm in my room, on the bed,

Trace of blue light come from the window,

Anxiety took all the rage away, now I'm just sad.

This is not my home, we'll never return back,

But my home is consumed by enemies,

Torture ended for a while,

But, in our minds they are still here.

Spying, stealing, breaking the privacy,

Killing innocent creatures and smiling while doing it,

How emotionless were you to underrate as humans,

You are guilty ones but you'll never admit that.

All the chaos you made... (wish I could destroy you all)

To be dead like my unborn brother or sister (shame to your souls!)

It would be better if I wasn't born at all.

In my place of doom, inside of brown walls,

I saw you, you were far away,

Similar face as mine, eyes like my mother's ,

They called you sin and destroyed your fate,

In their name, I'm sorry for that.

I'll let this hit delete my past,

To forget all this arguing and menaces,

Hey, does my word meant to you,

Did anyone believe when I swore I have a problem?

If you need me I'll be in my room,

Playing with imaginary people, in solitude,

Sure, I'll grow to normal person, 

Being quiet whole life, shouldn't be rude.

Excuse me for daring myself to help me,

When no one else gave a damn for me, 

Now don't need anyone to save me,

Ignore me for the last time while I'm dying.

Oh, the beauty of the cold ground,

Even I know they are above,

Their fake tears can never drown me,

The most pathetic funeral I ever saw.

My dear dolls, I won't come home,

Don't even know what I lived for,

Say to my father I'm really sorry,

That was the best solution for me,

The only body that is decaying is mine,

That is the most painless way and it's fine,

Someone needs them all, no, it's only my fault, 

But that's why I am a food for worms.

Rise the glass for me, crowd,

The wine is sweet as my death,

Only mine is still bitter,

On brighter side - I won't be mad.

Tonight I'm killing you all in my mind,

As my thoughts are falling with spasm to the floor,

Whole my inner world is gone with this suicide,

At least I won't see you anymore.

(At least I won't see you anymore.)

-BLUE TOWERS (2016)

*"The Artists live forever", song one*

Void is all around us, deadly melody plays in our minds,

Sun above blue towers

Never existed, so let shadow take everything.

We are broken robots in dust 

Trying to make our last sound,

The eye of the Blue Towers 

Is closed, it can't see anything.

Anything.

What made us going eyeless, soulless,

Hanging, touching ground upside down?

What made us so fearless, is it madness?

We cannot see what is happening.

Blue tower's covering the sky,

Sun is only one that always has to die.

Protect us from this blindfull day,

Open our third eye again,

We must have some part in this game,

Let sun to return back the day

Or simply let it die and take us away.

-LIFEBREAKER (2016)

*"The Artists live forever", song two*

As night goes away so will I,

What else could I say but goodbye?

Blood puddle on the floor grows bigger,

I feel life that is gone, it's on my fingers.

Killer, am I killer, 

Am I that one who is made to lose a game?

Unwanted, underrated, lifebreaker, doomaker.

Hey you, so called life,

I'm killing you, see me, see me,

Tired of damn lies, don't you dare to save me, save me.

Hey, bastard, I'm done,

Now it's your turn, kill me, kill me,

As night dies, so will I,

Do one thing right, release me.

Skipping angels on the heaven's gate,

I guess that was never my fate,

I am meant to die on this way,

Destiny is in my hands.

-TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE (2016)

*"The Artists live forever", song three*

You are my angel covered with the dark symphony,

Perfect creation, shinning above me,

The smile I never saw before, 

Great new world behind the doors.

Cannot open it, cannot have it,

Perfection, angel's reflection,

Temptation to dare to live.

An illusion, too good to be true,

Am I dreaming whole this thing or only you?

Guardian of lost soul, not your responsibility

To be the guardian of me.

Don't love me, you don't need me,

Sorrow, ashes of my inner world,

There will never be place for two.

-KISS FOR DYING SOUL (2016)

*"The Artists live forever", song four*

During the dark night I felt down to your heart,

Electricity tied sharp ropes on me,

Only these graves will know

That moment when you got my soul.

My nameless soul above a nameless grave,

And your lips on place no one touched before,

Save yourself from my bloody tears,

Fly away, angel, I am meant to fall.

Save yourself, it's my destiny to fall.

-GUIDE TO SU!CiDE (28.11.2016)

*trigger warning, controversial song! Skip if you deal with suicidal thoughts, it's one of the most morbid lyric I have ever done, no positivity at all*

Death is what we are all waiting for,

So I can't wait, no more,

Life can continue and without me.

This perfect world doesn't need someone like me, 

I am only bringing damage and agony 

I'm only pretending to live, I have to kill me.

Separated Juliette and Romeo,

It will make my soul to go away,

The best way for suicide is cyanide,

Time for my body to start decay.

So short line from life to death 

When cyanide reach the body,

Bitter almonds, but sweet death

In this grave is calling me.

Guns are fast, but will leave the mess,

Why would someone bring pieces of my head from floor?

Otherwise, almost no one survives it,

One of the best ways, that's for sure.

Hanging takes at least ten minutes to do,

And there is chance someone can save you,

But it's easy to find rope and tree,

After several minutes of chocking death would be here.

Drowning seems so painless, that's a lie,

Your lungs would start breaking from water you inhale,

Stones in your pocket are drowning all the thoughts,

The deeper water is, less chance to fail.

Sleeping pills need more than 12 hours to work,

They are hardly killing without an alcohol,

Paracetamol kills in several days,

Leaving your body in enormous pain.

Jumping, flying like a bird,

Is also effective, as I heard,

The sixth floor is sixty percent chances to die,

The higher it is, more way I'll say goodbye.

Jumping from the bridge is a similar way,

But it's too damn hard not to be saved,

If you don't want to listen their words of light

Seek your peace in the middle of the night.

Losing your head on the railway

May be effective, but need to be brave,

Separated from body, head still lives eight minutes,

You'll know you're dead but you'll still live!

Even being hit by car seems fine

That would not be an option of mine,

Show a little sympathy for driver of it

They'll keep seeing your death on repeat.

Seppuku is left in the past,

Guess no one can cut from the stomach to chest,

Burning alive is the most agony at once,

One of the worst ways to end a farse.

Only six percent success in slitting wrist,

So this is the last on a lethal list,

Vein can bleed several hours, but it coagulates,

Again, big chances of saving before is too late.

The only way for success is sliting the artery,

Enormous pain will stop you from doing it,

Tired and failed and trying again,

Lost only half liter of blood and never did it as then.

Human body has near four litres of blood

Losing one and half would be almost enough,

Hot water, sharp knife, aspirine and sedatives

Make better chances of dying by slitting wrist.

The biggest will is needed for starving to death,

Someone would find out if you collapsed,

If that fail you could end with eating dissorder,

It would last long, but maybe someone would care.

The longest kind of suicide

Is to wait natural end of your life,

At least you'll know there is no chance to survive,

And there is no one who can save your life.

 

This is not supposed to be cheerful song,

Just some random informations that I know,

I am one more person obsessed about suicide,

Hope I won't see you on the other side.

-UNDERRATED (2016)

Every time is same, trying to escape from shell 

And always am underated only because I am scared.

Live to prove my life before I fade away,

Trying to hold a spark

But I am still in hell.

Letting it all to be crushed by train,

And it will only leave me bleeding again,

Talking to the shadow, it's my friend.

Every spark inside of me is destroyed,

Don't open my heart, it's only a void,

Living with the darkness I'll never understand.

World seems so high above,

They don't bother to look down here,

Winner's throne keeps only the strongest,

Not someone like me who lives in fear.

-FORBIDDEN ROMANCE (2016)

Her long hair is falling to shoulders,

She looks so unreal, need to touch her,

Ashamed to even stand near her,

Like beauty and the beast, but both female.

She smiled to me, said "Don't be ashamed,

I like you on the way you are", and after that

My long hair felt down, eyes looked her,

Close your eyes and make a move, now I am sure

I want you... Forbidden romance,

I'll give my best... Give me a chance,

Kissing in the dark, you and me, 

I know I'm unworth of such a beauty.

Purity seems gone away 

With you, even saved it till today,

Your touch feels like heaven,

Stay here for now and forever, or fly away.

Green eyed girls are natural seducers,

Even I'll regret it later, for sure,

Kissed her as innocently as the first kiss can be,

I can't get my eyes off her.

She played with my hair, slowly moving her hand,

I did the same on her body,

My princess deserves someone better,

Can't understand why she chose me.

(I'm all yours)

Sun rays light up waves of your hair,

Sleepy princess on the petals of flowers,

More perfect than any of my drawings,

Like a locked princess in the lonely tower.

Don't wake up, you beautiful creature,

Esmeralda and Quassimodo can't be together,

I must return back into darkness,

I'll remember you forever...

-KINGDOM OF SORROW (2016)

*story of my father's childhood

Once upon a time, on the land that once existed 

Before the time stopped passing, lived Tyran King  with his family.

When he became young man he searched for who'll became his Queen.

He found fair blue-eyed girl with beautiful voice

All he wanted was her dawry,

Her father was not too glad with that

But in the end he had to let it.

Unblessed marriage, like a curse,

Living in the sadness and beggary,

Brave Queen lost unborn child,

But it saved it from ill-fated destiny.

Years passed by, Brave Queen gave birth again

To Martyr and then to Younger One,

Martyr was glad to have a pal,

But Tyran King started kicking his own son.

Martyr and Brave Queen handled a pain, 

But Younger One couldn't handle an obliteration,

His corpse was buried at the graveyard,

At least he greet his libertation.

The one of them six, lovely Lilian

A little princess of demolished kingdoom,

Never able to live enough to hug her brother,

Lied in the grave next to the first dead son.

The Brave Queen carried her to the imperial city,

In her arms, to save her innocent life,

Lilian, an baby who fought for life,

During this long journey died.

The Brave Queen carried it all,

While Tyran King joined the military, 

Held Martyr as a little water on the palm,

Tried to deal with their povetry.

But misfortune never comes alone,

Great river needed a sacrifice,

Both older sisters of the Brave Queen were drowned,

Family started to spread a lies.

No one knows what happened then,

Nor when they found their father dead too,

Both of sisters were pregnant,

Unbelievable story, but unfortunatelly true.

The name of murder is lost in time,

Same as bodies in the old graveyard,

But Brave Queen, Tyran King, Martyr moved in

The house in Brave Queen's old yard,

Two more sons were born

But Tyran King still mortified son and wife.

Even he worked less than everybody

He stayed the Tyran whole life.

Martyr tried his best to repay his mother,

She loved him more than anyone,

After several years fights ruined the house

So she had to say goodbye to her son.

He promised he'll go away from them

There, near the river where she went to drown,

With several stuff, alone, with his truck,

He drove to a distant gloomy town.

Martyr's  departure changed nothing 

But he stayed in that place,

He missed his mother and his house

But at least he was free from Tyran's face.

It's been for years how Brave Queen died,

First child and Lilian's bones don't rest in the ground,

Tyran King, self-pitty and self-centered creature

Sold property so they are crushed by plow.

Meanwhile, one of Martyr's brothers died

Like a curse that painted sky in grey,

Still, the Tyran King keeps maligning,

As he will till his last day.

Martyr came back to his place of birth,

Time had stopped, or at least it seems,

Old house is gone, people have changed,

Only sun has the same damn beams.

He's sitting alone on the chair and thinking,

One pensive tear is sparkling in his eye,

I came to him and hug him gently

And say "It's gonna be better, Daddy, please don't cry."

-NOT DEAD YET (2017) 

Idolised you, despicable creature, Thought you are the one who'll bring me an idyl,

My twisted mind saw you as a deity, 

Immaculate one, but you never dared to see

Decomposition of my sanity, 

I roamed on these unlit fields

Waited someone to rescue me.

Don't open today's newspaper,

There's no my obituary,

It's not anymore your obligation,

To wait my death, you cannot get rid of me.

I see you didn't reckon this,

Are you surprised that I'm not deceased?

Like a black rook I'm revived,

Decency's gone, now I'm cruel beast.

How can I revere you anymore,

When you was a witness of my fall?

You've done nothing when my mind started tumbling,

Closed your eyes when they started humbling

That what left of me,

Tried to recoil from the bottom, but failed badly,

I crave to die, but I won't make you happy.

One day you'll see vultures eating my flesh,

But carma will find you,

Why you took responsibility when you are not worth it?

It's pointless to kneel down to my blood 

And say "Sorry for ignoring that you are human too",

But, for now, I won't give that pleasure to you,

Our encounter would be so hurtful...

I hate you... I want want to hurt you,

But always ending up hurting myself,

Damn conscience, damn rules...

-DIVISION (2017)

All that we don't understand is how to be

Like these ideal people with ideal lives,

But, it's just a question of a time,

When those immaculate actors will say it was only a lie.

They are dashing for the better things,

Letting riots under their feet begings,

Performing their rites in the golden robe,

Non monstro humanus, nos sumus pessimus 

For you!

Maybe we are insane - psychicus aeger,

But they all look same - ingot èris,

Seems we are less important than vester finis,

Sumoitis nostra sanguis pro vestra sitis.

Meua vulnus est profundus,

Amôrus venenum interficit meua corpus,

Pull down sceneries of the wonderful genesis,

Contra vim mortis non est medicamen in hortis

Deep inside we all know this,

But don't all of us long to see Eden's Harpist.

They are sublime, paragons of mass,

Everybody wants to be like them, but not us,

Because we stagnate under our guide,

Various orders from His Highness Mind.

Armistice is what we are waiting for,

When we'll end this mental war,

To be unjudged because this is who we are 

Dark chains can bind anyone.

Verbum est non optimus remedium,

But it could turn into the best poison,

This playhouse can't keep your life on repertoary,

No one one believes your script,

We may be insane, but stop lying that you have everything,

No one can have it.

-SPRING (2017)

How to deal with it?

Evening comes again, the worst part of the day,

Even someone would  listen, I have nothing to say,

It won't cure my world, I need no words

But a death to save me.

My eyes are tired of crying and looking 

All these things that scare me,

A new spring will come, new sun will shine,

But it will be the same sun that makes me wanna die.

Not strong enough to look people in the eyes,

And they are not kind enough to stop my cries,

I guess it was my fault, 

Bad things are happening because I was born.

I want to go to the river,

To feel it's power, it would cure me,

My dirt heart would soul this pure water, 

But I would stay only till I stop breathe.

How to deal with it?

This pressure on my lungs hurts more than my scars,

Nothing can heal me but the end,

No, I can't deal with this agony,

I really wish I was dead.

Hopefully, I'll be soon

I will bring it here, I will bring my the end,

I will bring my the end.

-SOULMATE (2017)

Everybody needs someone to love,

So I chose to love metal,

He doesn't mind fact that I'm insane

Because he everybody respect the same,

People easily get bored of me, 

But he stayed and made me continue to live,

He gave me the power to survive it all,

You will stay my the only one, Metal!

Never believed I'll be the bride in the black wedding dress,

Nor that I'll find my soulmate that year

When everything started to fall,

I felt life inside when I heard your symphony,

Your name is carved on the brightest place in my soul, Metal!

We share one trade - we both have several faces,

He switch from powerfull to touching,

From brutal to doom,

But every side makes him even more spectacular

Cause he is a ruler of the angel melodies and the beasts tombs.

I can share my voice with the others for a while,

But my the biggest pleasure is to sing for him,

Before I met him I thought he is evil, they said it,

If I listened to them, that would be my the worst sin.

The only good thing inside of this demolished field is you,

You're warming my heart with your flame,

Bringing me back when I'm on the edge,

You never dissapointed me or betrayed me,

You gave sence to  my destiny

Rissing horns, let energy all around to crawl,

All Hail to the One of Them All - Metal!

I need your melody, don't mind are you soft of brutal,

Because you never hurt anyone,

Comfort my soul again, Metal.

-CREATURES OF INSANITY (2017)

Time to die together in this black mud,

Now it's my turn to break inside your mind,

To search for a sanity now it's too late, 

Cause every cell inside of me is filled with the hate.

My invariable attitudes and my intact soul

I am still grieving for cause you ate it all,

But even you're intent of breaking it appart

I swore to heaven that you'll never get my artistic heart.

Face to face, we finally meet,

Those evil preachers inside of me,

Explain to me how I lost my way.

Oh surreal fools, why you are so cruel,

No chance to win, you changed all the rules,

Even I die today I need to be brave,

Creatures, come to light,

I am ready for my very last fight.

Show me my demons, show me my demons,

I wanna see them, I wanna beat them,

Show me my demons, show me my demons,

I wanna see them, wanna eat them for a dinner.

Not afraid anymore of going to hell,

This unpredictable life is what makes me feel scared,

On this treachery table is served your head

If that's too eccentric for your civility,

Then why you drove me mad?!

Flopped down, back to underground,

Moment of lull, then we will fall,

Maddening noices make me scream

Dying with a maccabre hymn.

Deeper than Earth core

We'll keep fighting for freedom

Till we melt together in this nothingness.

-A THOUSAND DROPS OF BLOOD (2017)

Promise to me you won't cry, I am not worth your tears,

Don't want anyone to lament over me.

No need to dedicate this heavy soul,

I do not believe in the sky world

My new home - deathly quiet morque.

All that is left of me, all that stayed above the ground

A thousand drops of blood.

Rain is mixing with my tears that felt,

Right here, near my lifeless body,

All happened so fast, my groan, song that was my last,

My fall and scene that crept out somebody.

Following the smell of thyme 

Through the meaningfull stone bushes

Welcome to my subdued temple,

I can't talk, but I can listen to your confess.

All that is left of me, all that stayed above the ground

A thousand drops of blood

As a proof of my fall.

I used to exist, seems really odd 

To stand on this grave and think 

I am under this gravel, alone

One day someone will search for someone dear

And then acidentally

My existence will be veryfied by the gravestone.

Our bones are turning to dust 

That is all that is left of us,

All our lives vanished as they forgot,

Our photography stays forever as a proof it's our stone.

-RANT (2017)

This is our home, our hell, our beauty,

Our damn sick hell, welcome here,

We don't have a cookies,

We don't have a rest,

But we have burned human flesh,

Naked soul in a fire's screaming

In the agony, kill me again, 

Give me back my black robe 

So it can feel like home, my desperate soul.

Kill me with the smile on your face,

Kill me, I can't come here again,

To the place for the wicked souls,

Destroy this sorrow-filled ghost.

I felt so meanless when they looked at me,

Hurt my vunerable obese soul,

People treat you with no respect when you're bigger,

Now when I'm smaller and souless they can ignore me more.

Wanna have more? It's my heart, take it,

You already consumed everything else,

Go to hell, Bastard!

Does my soul worth less

If it's not inside of a perfect body?

Did I have a sign "Poke at me and laugh"?

Why, when I hurt nobody?

Should I hide in the grave for one more damn eternity,

Or should I get out and show those fools there was something great lying in me?

All I can falls into water,

All I know falls into an abyss,

All I wish drifts away,

All words I keep I shouldn't say.

All good on me became meanless,

All bad on me makes me concerned,

All I am, it doesn't matter

Because all my self-esteem had been burnt.

-SOULLESS (2017)

If I would be what the strangers say

I would be perfect, I would be original,

My life would be worth trying,

I would never think about dying.

All those stranger faces that never had seen me

They would say all the lies just to keep me,

Repeat same lie for everyone like me,

Can't believe because I see:

I am a mess, a lack of happiness,

A singer without voice to cry,

Not worth enough, not heard or loved,

The only one that stays is a void inside.

Pain is universal, we all feel it,

But that doesn't mean anyone could save me,

Pieces of my puzzle are thrown in water,

Now is my turn, she's waiting for me.

I'm soulless, I'm soulless.

If I listened their voice of light

I would be the best in what I do,

I would be the prettiest on the world,

My art would be just like a gold.

And every of them will look at me,

Tell me to stay possitive, but

How to be something I never was

You don't see it, but my heart does.

Not blind enough to believe your lies,

Can't ignore the devil smiling in front of me...

Tell me how to replace my soul,

How to erase it all, tell me how to do it,

How to replace my soul?

Forest of lies, where could I hang my rope,

Tell me, wise stranger, how to replace my soul?

Dead inside... Nothing could save me from fall,

I could fake it all, but I can't replace my soul.

I'm soulless.

-BELONG (2017)

You would be my stellar night,

A galaxy in the endless space,

I am only moon who rotate to your way 

Cause I lost compass where I am.

But you will never belong to me.

You would be my Christmas Eve,

To remind me new morning will come here,

I am only fragile blue crystal ball,

If you wish, you could simply break my soul.

But you will never belong to me.

You would be my sunset above the lake,

And the sunrise after the daybreak,

I am only painter with no colour 

To paint our perfect tomorrow.

You will never belong to me.

You would be my venomous snake 

With poison which drowns in my veins,

I am only bird that waits to die,

My wings are broken, I cannot fly.

But you will never belong to me.

You would be the thorn in my heart

Each heartbeat would make me bleed,

I am only a blue rose in field of grass,

Waiting for you to pluck and take me.

But you'll never belong to me.

You would be my saviour  from darkness,

Cover me with your arms when it wants me home,

I am only a loner amongst six billion souls,

Felt like you are the one made for me.

But you'll never belong to me.

You would be my hymn of new life

An harmony of my inner self,

I am only a song without a notes,

You would know how to write it.

But you'll never belong to me.

You would be my sun that makes a void go away,

Revive dead field like a dessert rain,

I am only mess in this emptyness,

Still waiting your boat on this sea.

But you will never belong to me.

You are what I am longing for

An corner of a hurtful dream

Because I am not what you want

You will never want me.

You will never belong to me.

You are someone else's stellar night,

Someone's joy to be alive,

I am only dark lonely night,

Winterborn, winterdead.

You will never belong to me.

You are something I'll never have,

Till my death I'll crave you,

My sence had betrayed me,

I wasn't made for you.

You will never belong to me...

You are a painfull memory,

Missed piece of my life,

With a painfull heart I admit

You will never belong to me.

You will never belong to me...

-SPECIAL DAY (2017)

Finally, the day has come,

Girl in white  in front of everyone,

Morning wakes up all but me,

But I am the most happy.

They prepare my celebration,

Decorate my room with flowers,

One little bird rested on his window,

To wake up my sleepy lover.

Time to get me outta bed,

Today is my special day,

I have to look my best 

It's my own sweet Sunday.

Princess-like white dress, today is my special day,

Mother, father, I have to go, please don't be sad.

He will take care of me, in this heaven I will be fine,

What has to be done, it will be done,

For now goodbye.

For the first time in my life

I'll wear this holy symbol of virginity,

White as my soul never was

Even the black was the only one for me.

Everybody are so dizzy in prepairing this day,

Holy ceremony must start soon,

Treats are here, but there's no music,

I can't celebrate without a tunes.

They'll take me to the new home

The one that forever last,

Before we went to the church they

Put roses on my chest.

In the church was quiet.

Only a priest said his words.

"Is anybody aganist this union?" 

They were, but nobody told.

My parents cried tears of sorrow,

They knew he will take me away from them,

Church bells mourned with them,

Time for prayers, once again.

It was not a perfect wedding,

It was my special day,

The day they dressed me in white,

They day they laid me to the grave.

-SEPPUKU (2017)

Betrayed one more time

Knife is stabbed to my heart

Being crushed by you

Hurts more than seppuku.

The one that had my love 

Kissed his glorious bride,

I refuse to think that is true,

Hurts more than seppuku.

Wanna break it with my lips,

But I'm not the one who had your kiss,

Never got a  chance to show you my soul,

Gave my best, but life is changing my goals.

Good for you, you can't see this wreck,

This pale creature with noose on her neck,

With so much emotions on my back

Guess eventually I had to crack.

Humilation! Are you happy now?

She is similar as me, but only with a diamond crown,

Like a samurai, I have my own ways to die,

Can't forget you but I'll try with the seppuku.

Shom your smiling face on all the images,

I'll keep my crying eyes in the darkness,

So blind not to see what is in front of you,

Warrior like me never admit lost battle,

Rather chose eternal agony of seppuku.

Warrior is less attractive that princess 

While we are fighting for life she is careless,

Holding my bleeding vein to survive one more day,

While she celebrates in her satin dress.

When the blade goes up from my stomach to heart

Just pull my heart off and lift your arm.

Risked my life for master while he had  no clue,

Katana rips my body along with my misfortune.

Blood! Pain! Betrayal! Shame!

Maybe one day you'll see I was the one

Faithfull to someone who was never mine 

By that day, I'll be in a grave 

You'll enjoy on the throne on your princess's kingdom,

I had nothing to give you, you wanted too much,

Your mother wants a sweetheart, not a creature of a dark.

Oh, money hunter, while you drink your champaine

Harakiri will make me scream outta of pain!

Blood! Pain! Betrayal! Shame!

-EXPLOATATION (2018)

Why am I such a masohistic creature

To lay on the floor and let them cleaning their boots with me?

Trust issues or damn awarness,

Because evil is on every damn picture I see.

Where is my voice there? Am I mute or something?

Give me my sapphires back, you deserve nothing.

Used over and over again 

In someone's else's goals and someone  else's glory,

If that's condition, I have a head for a crown too,

I'm slave to music, I'm a slave to mental maze,

Exploatation of a vunerable person, now it's not your turn!

Once I had a glorious robe, hundreds of pearls, jewerls and silk gloves,

As they came they ripped what they need,

Now there is ripped heart in rugs lying in the snow.

Be afraid, never speak, this is how they taught me,

Good girls never say what's bothering them

Others always have their needs and you are slave to please,

Good news, we all die, start behaving like a human.

They think my words sounds better when they say it

Maybe this numb thought will make their dumb mind complete.

"Pauper, you shouldn't glow, your face is not good enough!

Go back to your darkness and adore me!"

You can kiss my guts and blood 

One day when I say "Enough!"

"Like, I am worth more than you. Your statements are boring, I don't even read these unimportant things.

My world is more interesting, my people are more interesting,

I am prettier... Don't try to express yourself, weirdo."

No, they don't notice how hard I tried

No one would notice a social suicide...

I need isolation, I need real me,

To remind myself I can also be a queen,

I have my hands for creativity,

I have my voice for singing it out loud,

Time to pull the toxic faces out,

I have my own reasons to be proud,

If my world is not good enough for them

I don't want them to be part of that.

-AN ANGEL AND THE DEVIL (2018)

Mindlessly staring at the wall, one more evening is passing by, moments are destroyed by me,

Whole my existence is a lie.

I am empty, I feel nothing,

But the angel on my left side,

And the devil that wants to convice me.

-Take a knife, stab their body, be thirsty for blood,

Revenge, lots of them, one revenge will not be enough!

-Hear the melody that heals your drowning core,

Heal the others if you can't heal yourself anymore.

-Crucify their words, they only care about what they want,

Bite their throat, make them bleed,

Crush them from a root to seeds!

-Revenge will make it worse, it won't cure you,

That shame would stick to your pride like a glue,

Everybody would turn their heads away from shame,

You would be the one to blame,

Till the end of their lives they would curse your name.

-Who the hell cares what the bastards will say,

It's your choice and overhelming pain.

Going insane, hysterically hitting an air,

Get the angel and devil both away.

Save, kill me, stab me, my ears are bleeding

From everything they could say.

These hands should be covered with paint, not with blood, I feel no pain,

Paranoid, get the hell away from me,

I might really need you but I am going insane.

-Every human being is evil, there's proof,

Think how many times they hurt you!

-There must be someone who might love you,

The one "who'll support you no matter what you do.

-Lies ! You deserve no damn love, go die!

World had enough of you and your damn pride! 

-Don't put yourself down, stand up and glow,

There's so much to show, don't let yourself go.

-No one cares for your nursery rhyme,

Go and stab yourself with a knife! 

-Death could always wait, try keep going,

Show them your world that you made of nothing.

-You stupid angel, why you even try?

This soul only deserves to die!

Angel's wings are blocking my vision while 

Devil horns are hurting my skin 

That knife I took for you is bloody,

But it only hurt me.

Angel's feathers are my bondage,

It cures my hell for a moment, 

But the devil always returns, they will start all over again,

Impossible to run away, it's inside me cause I'm insane!

-You hurt people all the time!

-It's not too late for your life!

-Earth has too much people and without you.

-Don't listen to Devil, this is not true.

-You are not unique, only worthless.

-Yet, you could fill this emptyness.

-Drink your own blood, start rampage!

-Don't be a prisoner of an uncontrolable rage!

Leave me alone... Let me live, let me die, I don't know... Shut them up, make it stop, leave me alone...

Leave me alone!

-THE GREAT FORCE (2018)

Darling, used in front of everyone

By a greedy people or the one that want fame,

She stood there uncovered while they degraded all she is,

When they fail she will be the first thing to blame.

Darling, wore such a wonderful gowns and diamonds,

From rennesainse's lace to classy A-shapped dress,

Dark and light, gloomy and the one that makes your smiles,

Fools took off all that was the best.

I would save you as you are saving me,

Life won't let me, you belong to everybody,

Some of us love you, some are destroying you,

Unaware or power you have, oh, great force.

Rat bastards keep humilating you more and more,

Treating you like you are their who... No!

Greedy ones made you cry,

Took you to their shiny side,

Selling your humilation to hungry souls,

Making money is their only goal!

Darling, had all the harmonies,

Now her nakedness is covered with three notes,

Her bleeding heart in a trashcan, eyes cut off,

She became a slave bond with a ropes.

Darling, tried to be saved on the other place 

In a church of music she feels like a queen 

She could be happy anywhere we take her 

But not in this wealthy house of sin.

She's begging "Save me! Embrace my beauty!

I'm made to change this world,

But they are using me!"

Feeling unworth, such a stong force

Is looking how her world is becoming worse.

She's a feeling, not a thing,

She's a life, not a job

So you can finish it and pretend  it's your glory,

If you don't adore her for what she is

Better change your life story.

-ISHTAB (2018)

Istab sostiene una cuerda,

Enviame al cielo, Istab,

Diosa de la cuerdas llamar,

Pinte nuestros campos con el luto.

Mitigate my burden that breaks my spine,

Cover eyes that see only this plight,

Meadows full of stallions now are home for varacious pests,

Vipers poisoned aching heart that died inside my chest.

Volition is waning, it's the wraith what I became,

All this dissaster only death could mitigate,

No need for incantation, it's inane as my life,

Only snake made of canvas could call you tonight.

Timid stalk sprouted and waived blooming 

It's vitality and volition dissapeared with growing,

Nothing to see in this misantrophic hive, born alone, died alone,

Lift me up from earth and leave me in the sore levitation.

The Legend barely anyone told us for

You are the Goddess of a death by a rope,

No place in heaven for a trifling soul like mine,

But take me wherever you wish for tonight.

Diosa antiqua en la niebla

No tomo todos aquellos antes de mi,

La conduccion de sus cuerdas a la muerte,

Perdito en el cielo, condenado en la vida.

-MORTALITY (2018)

All in vain, doing the same again 

To keep myself alive even I know I will die,

Gravestones are reminder, they are telling me,

The only thing that is true is our mortality.

Species existed, they exist no more,

Carbon from their bodies turned into stones,

We knew they existed only by their scelethons,

For million years it's gonna be our own.

Many years passed since I was born 

Year by year, it's my time to be gone,

What I've done, what I wish, it doesn't matter,

If life is meant to end, why should I even care?

As I try to let it go, people tell me it's worth living,

One day you'll die too, don't say such a thing,

It's the same if my corpse is twenty-seven or eighty, 

No one ever run away from hands of mortality.

Everything around me will disappear 

Everyone I know will die, don't have to be seer,

To see necessery farewells to the world we know,

Everything we love has to go.

-GONE (2018)

Gloomy clouds hid the sunshine, only flash radiate through this grey velvet canvas.

We may chose our future, but we'll never delete the past.

Can't forget it, can't heal whatever made us this way,

Even tongue remains quiet, memories always have something to say.

Never heard this shot, but it's pierced

Through my veins,

It may look like a mistake, but that bullet took you away...

Young head overflood with sweet thoughts 

With love, with play, not with grief, not with shame,

Locked door of room with dried blood,

What Death needed you for?

That gun kept as evidence 

Took from the world your innocence.

Gone...

(Can't continue with crying, tears are gone, 

My life is over, can't keep it anymore,

Bullet find it's way, runs fast through my core)

What I need that heart for?

It's fine, I'm used to this, I get this,

On this world there's no such a thing as bliss,

It's like a curse, but no cure comes my way 

Put me into wooden ark and leave in the cold cave.

Only a kid - they'll say, 

No one would analyze my brain,

How many sorrow I hid inside

Made me to pull the trigger and die.

-MURDERESS (MURDER) (2018)

Back off, back off, back off, back off...

Spider web as a curtain of my vision,

God, save me, my rage craves blood,

Every her word is like a shot for my ears,

I don't wanna hurt, but she will do.

With humilation she unconciously does

I squeeze knife harder and push it close to my heart,

Don't hurt her, she loves to live,

Save fire for a cold stone, save fire for me.

Never let mirror show her face on mine,

Never let me find this person in me,

Self-hate consumed my soul,

She made it begun, overall.

Can't realise when everything changed,

From mild pacifist I became enraged,

Enormous volcano melt calm mountain,

God, save me, she made me insane.

Too much words, my head will explode,

Silence is an escape, the safest home,

Even sound of breathing chalenges my  sanity,

Tone of her judgemental voice drives me crazy.

Tired of thoughts, tired of thoughts you made me think,

Tired of things, tired of things I do for you, do for you,

Tired of hate, tired of hate that's burning like a hell,

And you are still acting like you have no clue.

Weapon falls down, why do I feel so calm?

Don't bother to sob and ask "What I've done?"

Everything is still ruined, but now when her blood covers my skin

God, save her, I already commited my sin.

-PAIN (2018)

No matter what the line says 

To me, you are never dead,

Sleep darling, sleep, wait me on the end,

Even now you feel no pain,

Believe me, I am sad,

Sleep darling, sleep, we'll see in the end.

Angels sing a requiem for the big soul in the small body,

How could something so small even die?

Mother's words cut the soul, straight to the bone, the deepest core,

It was the day when even Grim Reaper cried.

World crushed when they heard,

How life could be really cruel, 

Without a mercy took the one,

The first one, their only one.

What's destiny doing? Is she just blind?

Coffins are not something made for a child,

They should play with toys, to play with ball,

Not to be on their own funeral.

"Sleep, sleep, I will be here when you need me,

Call my name and I'll come running

You mean everything to me.

I'll remember you forever, memory can't die,

To me, you will forever be just a child.

No one can take away memory of your innocent smile,

Of your lamb's eyes,

I'll keep you in my heart until I die,

Ah, sleep, my only one...

Grim Reaper holds tiny hand

While opening the Heaven's gates,

Letting it to go find other souls

In the meadow full of the other little angels...

-ICE (2018)

Never forgived anyone, that is how I am,

Always feeling quilty, but sorry - no way,

Mistakes once happened shouldn't be repeated.

What is a heart? Never heard of such a thing.

Quiet and nice, someone would say that for me,

It's obvious as hell that jerk doesn't know me,

I am neither good nor I am villain,

Ice conquered my chest - Heartless!

Obliteration is one thing, emotions are another,

I can never love, never show the truth in my eyes,

You can see me smile at one moment and tighten noose in another,

Exausted of living inside my own lies.

I don't know why the hell I got my chance

When there is no use of me, I am waisting space,

Emotionless enough to rule, but tied with the chains,

Crystals of ice are freezing me from inside - Heartless!

This world needs a passionate lovers,

This world needs the strong rulers,

This world needs human beings,

This world doesn't need me.

Heartless!

***

The End 

Suzana Ristic Suza

30.09.2021