Red stain (2013)- full story

Warning: The story is not suitable for younger than 17 years old, it contains sensitive topics, self-destructive parts, depressing scenes, the whole story is hard and I suggest to people who do not prefer this topic to skip it. Don't try anything mentioned- story does not support autodestructive things, it has intention to show where this can lead, the same goes for future stories.

Parts of Melody's songs are pieces of my songs, which I did not want to write fully because these songs are part of the official lyrics from my collection, the story is inspired by my imaginary alter ego, thoughts and my own personal events.
--------------------------------

Started 18.12.2013.

Chapter I

 On the lonely road moved a column of vehicles. At the head of the column was a blue car and behind it three vans. A young woman with brown hair and green eyes was driving. Her name was Melody. Night slowly approached and visibility was weaker and therefore and Melody's nerves.

 "What kind of misfortune made me go there? As if I wanted to! Wait, I know ... you, Stanley! !"- Melody yelled at Stanley, her co-driver. "Is it my fault? It's a good marketing move. You want to succeed, so you should find new solutions ... "- said Stanley, but Melody interrupted him:" A good marketing move! "You're calling playing with my psyche a good marketing move?! Why the hell, from all the idiotic good and beautiful places in the country, did you find to make a video for a new song THERE? Why?" Stanley:" Well, we thought you would have a stronger emotion and that it would all look better... I mean, that song, just like most of your songs, was created there... emotions, you know ..." Melody:" Emotions ... I'll give you emotions..."

 Melody began to move the steering wheel left and right, even at one point she moved the car off the road and almost hit the tree, and then returned to the highway.

 Stanley was barely coming to his breath, said: "Are... you ... CRAZY?!!! "Melody (indifferent):" No. Emotions." Stanley (putting himself together): "You are so angry that you want to kill me?! The assassination of the manager is not the solution... but you would have died too... Wait, the phone is ringing... Hello? (answers) Yes, yes, everything is fine ... no, the car did not break, no, no ... Melody showed me the idea for a new video... Yes, yes... everything is great! We are continuing our journey (finish talking on the phone). See, I didn't tell them that you tried to kill me." Melody: "Aha, too bad you have not seen what it means to me when I want to kill someone... Do not make me repeat myself. Cancel the travel!" Stanley: "I can't! It's too late! Nothing will happen to you! Why do you always panic without need?" Melody: "I'll turn on the radio, I better listen to music than you." (turns it on and hears her song) Delirious. At least it's easier for me to listen to myself. My songs are not bothering me anyway, they're dark, sad, depressing..." Stanley:" What the hell made me to be your manager ...? "

 On the lonely road was heard only the song that passes through the half-opened window of the car...

 They arrived about ten PM. Autumn season. The video shooting was left for the next day at ten o'clock AM. They came close to the smaller town, although they did not enter the town because Melody insisted (a little more insane driving for easier persuasion).

 Early in the morning. Melody woke up and done morning exercises. After that, breakfast followed. Melody took little amount food, so she always ate it separately from others. At ten o'clock she was ready to video-shooting.

 Stanley again started: "We'll record a video, and I see you are ready... I know how professional you are! That's why I'm cooperating with you." Melody (ironically):" Just one- Don't bring flowers on my grave. That."

 The recording began. Director: "Melody, in this scene, with these two suitcases you will go to the town. During the instrumental, the video shows how your car broke in the non-inhabited area. Ok, let's start. 3 ... 2 ... 1!" Melody went on the road. She watched around and at the same time connected the moves with the rhythm of the song.

 This scene was over, in the next it was tense, she had to enter the town. The song was heard from the speaker while Melody entered the town. She throught: "This place somehow did not change too much. Boring."

 But... the team then moved to the town for the continuation of the shooting. They went to the restaurant for a lunch. Melody came out of the restaurant, and Stanley followed her. ,,Don't you want to eat? You have not eaten anything since this morning." Melody: "I can't. I'm not hungry. Give me some drink." Stanley: "Juice, water?" Melody: "Something strong, I'm going to need it." Stanley: "You don't drink, you know that you have problems with vocal chords, and you shouldn't drink now either... We have to work. How about some juice?" Melody looked at him and said, "You're an idiot."- and then she went to the restaurant and ordered a vanilla liqueur.

 Stanley (approaching): "What are you doing? Do you want them to publish in the tabloids that you are an alcoholic?" Melody: "Stanley, this is just one damn drink, and I absolutely don't care what the stupid tabloids will write. I know what I am not, no one can persuade me to the contrary, the end. For how much are we going to shoot?" Stanley: "Um, we go in a few minutes. Are you ready?" "Here..."(she drinks a drink)... now I am. Let's go."- Melody said, and they went.

 Near the center of the city was shot a video for the chour: "Take me away from temptation, it's pushing me to the hell ..." For people who knew English song was dark, but Melody knew that the song meant running away from temptation, resisting the temptation... and she was tempted to run away from here. This is how it should be,the only the words that were in the head, for that reason she endured the refrain, but the glaze at town made her more depressed than usual . A group of people searched for autographs, she hurried to finish it then she went to rest...

 Break lasted for three hours. There was also a dinner, which Melody refused. Stanley again started: "You didn't eat again this time?! Do you do it intentionally? Are you doing this because I brought you here?" Melody: "No. Besides, let go, I can't eat. I don't feel hungry. I'm going to walk." Stanley: "You mean, by yourself?" Melody: "Oh, god no, I'll wait for you to walk me like a dog. Of course I'll go alone!" Stanley: "Are you sure?" Melody: "I wasn't sure that I should come here at all, and, see the miracle, I'm here!" (Going out)

Chapter II

 Walking slowly, Melody looked at the town. She wanted to see one place... the house of the only person she had ever been in love with. She was hoping to meet him, at least for a minute... it seemed like no one was in the house. Melody got disappointed. She just turned around and wanted to go further when...

 "Hello, are you looking for someone?"- guy with brown hair and brown eyes asked quietly. Melody: "My friend lived here, Len..." Guy: "Oh, I'm Len. And you... you are familiar...Melody, right? You became a singer... I didn't believe it when I heard, you never gave me such impression." Melody:, "Yes, well... And how are you doing? I mean, in life..." Len: "I found a job... but it has nothing to do with keyboards, dang it. My whole life I'm trying to improve and now it all collapses. How that you are here?" Melody: "I'm making a video for the song... the idea of my manager is to shoot here. Wait a minute ... Would you like to be a keyboard player? I know where you could come if that you want to..." Len:" Yes, sure! Just ... where? "Melody:" The band that follows me remained without a keyboard player...It sounds like a perfect job for you! I mean, if it's not hard for you to play my songs. So?" Len: "Uh, I'll definitely think.Till when are you here?" Melody: "Until tomorrow afternoon. This is my number (writes number on paper), call me during the day." Len: "Ok, see ya tomorrow!"

 Melody, while returning, met one of the former "friends". Instead of fake courtesy, this time the person started a fire: "Oh, look who's back... what's up, your career failed? You didn't call me all these years, if I did not hear you are singer I would have thought that they had already buried you somewhere... Here, some journalists were asking about you, who would say that you will achieve something." Melody: "I canceled contacts from the past in order to preserve the future, this town reminds me of all the bad things that happened here. After all, I moved, changed, why should I still live in the past if it brought only negative things and you remind me of the things I want to forget? I can't wait to get out of here. " She got only a mocking answer: "Oh, you poor thing, I'm so sorry for you ... stupid!"

 Melody could no longer lie to herself that everything was all right, her deep emotions had come to the surface and began to suffocate her. The same emotions were in front of her nose for the years- she was burying them like a corpse, but this dead body would be visible again when the rain washes the ground from it. Now, with the arrival back to town, a pouring rain began in her heart and she clearly saw her corpse under the drops of water, so much that even covering it with ground wouldn't help. She is again in nothingness.

 The shooting continued at the top of the building, the highest building in the town. For the end of the video the helicopter was hired, and in the scene Melody was supposed to be on the edge of the building! It was an interesting part to her, finally a little real adrenaline! She walked with sure steps, without fear, as if this was not the first time she does this... She stood on the edge of the building and was about to move forward ...

 Then the helicopter appeared and the ladders fell in front of her with message ,,Taking you away from temptation", she caught up on them and the helicopter took her out of the city. Many watched with fear what would happen... but it was just a set design. Still, Melody in her mind wanted this not to be a shooting so she can step one more step forward. She was in a dark mood, just like her the darkest lyrics.

 In the evening they were staying at that hotel. There was a full moon in the sky... Melody ordered two bottles of liqueur, opened a window, put a chair next to the window and enjoyed a view with a glass in her hand. She talked to the Moon: "You know, I do not want to be here, I got away from here. Uh... I do not know how many calories it has in this liquor... I think that for these two liters, about 6800... Hehe ...I use to have fun like this long ago, in this same town... hihihi... but then I also had an relish with that... hehe ... it's really fun. I'll get drunk as hell. I surely will. Moon ...you know what? You look like... a cheese. Hehe... uh,I am so silly. You look more like a pill. (gets serious). Liqueur and pill, I mean,Moon ... I'm so sick. Oh...to get to the bathroom... DAMN IT! "

 After half an hour in the bathroom, Melody returned to her room, then heard a knock at the door. Stanley came to check if Melody was there. She opened it and left Stanley in shock. He said: "You're drunk! You want to damage your vocal chords?! What is this supposed to mean? "Melody (numb):" I want to die." Stanley (shaking): "What ?! No, no, you definitely drank too much (entering the room) and you definitely need a rest! How much have you been drinking?" Melody (deep tone):" Not enough. " Stanley (raises an empty bottle from the floor): "It's terrible! You'll completely ruin your throat!" Melody: "Most alcohol is in the sewer. Leave me... Go away. I know what I'm doing." Stanley: "I'm taking this other bottle and I'm returning it to the reception. I'll be back in about ten minutes and until then I want you to go to bed and fall asleep. Got it?" Melody (turned her head): "Whatever."

 When Stanley returned Melody was already asleep.

 It's about nine o'clock in town. The phone on the Melody's cabinet rang and awakened Melody, so she answered: "Hello, who is this?" (touches her head because of pain) Len, it's you!Everything is fine, just a bit of a headache from shooting... you take a job? It's great! See you later!"

 She lowered the phone back to the cabinet and tried to get out of the bed."Oh, my head! Last night ... I drank. A lot. Uh, today I will not eat. I have to work out, a lot of work out... but I can't
... I'm going to take a shower... and I have to... Oh, where's my suitcase?! Yes, in the closet. I got enough of this headache!"

 She pulled out the things from her suitcase, prepared her clothes and went to shower. The headache was not gone, it was just hidden, temporary eased by another pain, a pain from her arm... and with a straight, red line ...

 Later Melody packed things up and went to the reception, where Stanley waited. Stanley: "How are you from this morning?" Melody (serious tone): "I'm fine, I'm all right. Now, we have a new keyboard player called Len, I'll tell him to get ready to go, and he'll be with me in the car." Stanley (surprised): "You think to drive in that condition?" Melody: "Why, what's wrong with my condition?" Stanley: "You are not capable of driving. You'll be a passenger." Melody mumbled something and called Len.

 They all went out of the city. Len and Melody sat in the back seat and talked while Stanley drove. Melody found out that Len didn't have a girlfriend and that gave her hope for love, but at the same time she was deeply depressed; her longtime depression didn't leave her alone, and this return to the town just worsened things... So, they came back and found a apartment for Len.

 Melody's album promotion already started; Melody is a singer of underground music who sings about touchy topics, her lyrics are dark and her voice is diverse, with her lately having a problem singing as before because of the current diet, she feels as if she no longer has the power in the head voice as before. She has a mild gothic style, even throught usually wearing dark clothes anyway, natural hair color, isn't into for modern trends and doesn't want to fit in mass- perhaps the majority would call her a weird one she accepts it as a compliment- why should she adhere to society when it only returns with delusive acceptance?Still, there are things about her that are really strange to the average person, for example, always wearing long sleeves, even at summer, which is explained by the fact that she is unconfident. Regardless of the fact that she is twenty-five, she is still not confident ...

 She loves styles of princess and fairies, goddesses and mermaids, more simply said magic beings. Magic and imagination are her world and, no matter how hard she tries, she does not manage to transfer all this into reality ... she is a singer-songwriter, she writes all her lyrics on her own, puts a part of her world into a song... she is a painter, it's better to say an artist, a designer, she likes to design clothes for her performances. She's a lot of things... but only she's not happy.

Chapter III

 Studio. It is time for a show in which Melody is a guest. Host:"With me is our guest, a good vocal and already familiar face on our scene, Melody. Hello and welcome to the show."

Melody: "Thank you." Host: "You turned your music to a new direction, it caused both positive and negative reviews. The new album has been characterized by many as your personality, and many songs are very dark. What is your opinion about it?" Melody: "These songs, in particular, weren't created now, just like most others weren't. Of course, negative comments came, I don't expect everyone to understand my music. In my songs I don't like to sing about love, but I like to sing about other emotions, psychology fascinates me. Reality and imagination are clashing - what is reality, and what would be an illusion? Maybe I'm different, maybe I'm the only one who shows it. Any thought can end up with 'maybe'." Host: "How's that?" Melody: "There are always several options in life- sometimes we are forced into one particular, but when we can choose it doesn't mean that we will choose a better one. However, no matter how many decisions we made and how much we planned , the whole future is just one "maybe". For the past we know because we went through it, we see the present because that is what is before us, but the future is only an uncertain presentation of something that may be, is not constant. Even the most perfect plans in life can be nothing more than a bunch of dust. So everything ends with 'maybe'-life is created so that we do not know what follows. (looking at a distance) There is only one inevitability in man's existence and it is sure for each of us."

 Host: "It's fascinating that we have reached philosophy (laughter) from an extremely simple question." Melody: "That's what happens to me often because I'm a complicated person." Host: "You made a video for a song a few days ago exactly in your home town. The tabloids write that you were unhappy about it, just like that you haven't been going there for years... Then why do you shoot the video right there?" Melody: "That's what my manager suggested. No, I wasn't happy. I don't want anyone hating me, but I don't like that place, it reminds me of bad things. But,maybe the video will turn out well."

 Host:"Can you describe the video shortly before we see it? " Melody: "Yes, in the video my car breaks close to that town, and handymen can repair it in only after three days... And so, with suitcases in my hand, I'm entering the town, I'm going to the hotel, where I get information that all the rooms are full. Then I take the suitcases and walk through the town in the evening, later in the video and at night I pass through these familiar streets that awake the bad memories, the handyman calls me to know that they need more time to repair the car ... And so, in the video, I go to the rooftop of highest building, in the meanwhile my styling was changed. Chours was filmed in front of the square, near the church, and coincided with the part "I have to hear church bells." At the end of the video helicopter picked me up from the roof..."

 Host: "We're going to see the new video for the first time. Just to ask if there's a new cd, concert, single... anything, in the plan?" Melody: "It's planned a concert for three weeks, and in two weeks goes out another CD. " Host: "Another one?! Isn't this the fifth or sixth this year?" Melody: "This year, ten are planned.There are more comming in the future." Host: "What are the songs on it: optimistic or dark, like the majority on the current album?" Melody: "There are normal ones... but the first song is something really special ..." Host: "Thank you, Melody. All right viewers, goodbye and enjoy the video. "

 Free afternoon, Melody called Len to her house. Melody (brings cookies): "I'm sorry I only have these cookies... they might not be very tasty, they don't have sugars. I have one box in the drawer, if the guests come to me ... I don't buy the food I don't consume." Len:" That's smart. (after biting one)Don't worry, they're not bad at all. We can sometimes have some juice too. " Melody: "I'm avoiding juices, they are full of sugar." Len: "And a walk?" Melody: "Well, can't say no to that." (smiled slightly)"

 Len looked at her when she smiled and said," Why are not you smiling more often? Why do you represent yourself as a dark person? You are not like that. " Melody (sad): "I am... but even they haven't seen everything." Len: "Who's that?" Melody: "Fans, tabloids, people, no one... neither Stanley. There where I got from everyone knew, but here they don't know. They don't have to know... not yet." Len: "What to know?" Melody: "Nothing, it's irrelevant. It's important that you came to my house... do you remember when you last visited me? Long, long ago..." Len: "Yes, we were kids." Melody: "I've always been barely waiting for you to come to our place or me to come to your place. I loved your company, I still do. Even now, my heart pounds hard... I mean, because of happiness ..."

Len (reddening, trying to start a new topic):"And ... this... you and Stanley ... are you together?" Melody (raise one eyebrown): "Of course we are not! He is a manager, he is in charge of my business and I pay to him. No, I have no boyfriend or ever did." Len: "Wait ... you never had a boyfriend? Never so far?" Melody: "Never. I've always dreamed that my first boyfriend is the one I love for years... that my first kiss be with him..." Len: "So why didn't you do something? Is he there, in our town? " Melody: "He isn't now. He was." Len: "You don't know where he is?" Melody: "I know." Len: "Does he have a family?" Melody (nervously): "Let's go to the yard, here it's stuffy, don't you think?"

 Len: "All right, let's go ... but why you are nervous, maybe I touched the wrong topic?" Melody: "Len... this had to be told once. I'm just afraid ... that you will leave ..." Len: "I won't, tell me." Melody: "I dedicated you a song ... not one, a few of them... In my mind ... You have a special place. You are the person I am in love with. Oh, God, I don't believe that I said it loud before you... do you hate me now?" Len (surprised at the first moment): "So that was a problem? Since when do you have such feelings towards me?" Melody: "I was five years old... for twenty years now." Len: "And you didn't tell me anything? Why?" Melody: "I was not good enough... and when I became what you liked you were already in relationship. (bows head down) Come on, say how much you hate me." Len: "Do you still love me?" Melody nodded. Len: "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Melody (with eyes full of tears): "Because of pity?" Len: "You're the most faithful girl I've ever had, it's not because of pity,I want it. I don't know why I was blind... I did not see your love..." Melody: "But, I'm guilty ..." Len: "Shhh, let me make your wish come true. "

 Melody's wish came true... the first kiss, in Len's embrace ... Everything became irrelevant, as if the depression was stopped at that magical moment...No, it can't be ... but at least it was dispensable at that moment.

 "I'm going out."- Melody said, and Len followed her. Rain started and Melody looked up at the sky. She asked Len: "Are you sure you want to be with me? I can't bring you anything good... I'm ... the opposite of what they think I am (singing one of her songs) Now I'm gonna stand on the rain..." Len just listened to her song... He realized that it carries a message of Melody's soul...

Chapter IV

 Promotion of a new Melody's CD. No one has ever heard the songs yet and Melody has announced the darkest song so far.

 After a normal songs music began, the rhythm of drums announced the dark atmosphere of the song. The song was in Serbian and it was easy for tracking... but not for listening. Her voice had depth and made the song more creepy. Still, everyone got shocked by the part-"On that grave is written... my name."

 Len (to Melody): "What should this mean?! I don't like this message at all." Melody: "It's just a song." Len: "Aren't your songs autobiographical? Melody, you scare me." Melody: "That's what everyone talked about for other songs. As you see, everything's fine."

 After the promotion, Len took Melody home. Melody turned off the phone, locked the door, lit candles and turned off the light. She went to the kitchen and took a drink. She poured a drink in the glass, then filled the bath with water and entered into it. In her right hand held the glass, in the left... in the left hand, under the light of the candles, a small, metallic SHARP object reflected the light...

 She leaned her left hand on the forearm of the right, between the other straight, red lines. A red spot appeared on her white skin... The red drops coloured the water... Melody smiled and sang: "Then I died ..." and then continued with the song. The red stain became wider and painful... Melody laid still, calmly, slowly drinking her drink ...

 Then it stopped. This red stain stopped its growth. She looked at her arm and shouted- "Damn it, it won't run anymore! Why it always has to stop? I'm going for the bandage, I'm sick of everything." Bandage covered the red stain...

 Melody dressed and began brushing her long brown hair when she heard the doorbell ring, Len came to visit.When he saw her, he asked- "You are so pale, are you okay?" Melody (quietly) :"Yes, everything is fine." Len: "Shall I take you to the doctor?" Melody: "No, no...There is no need for that (nervous)... I'm really good!" Len: "Okay, then I believe you. I guess." Melody: "What do you mean, I guess?" Len: "You're acting too strange and it scares me. I'm really worried. Did you drink alcohol? I smell alcohol. "Melody: "Well... I did... a little. Let's sit down, my legs hurt from standing."

 They moved on to the couch. Len continued the conversation: "Tell me what's wrong." Melody: "Nothing." Len: "What does that song mean?" Melody: "Nothing." Len: "You're lying to me." Melody: "It's just a song." Len: "I think it's more than that." Melody(looks into his eyes and puts her head down again): "Nobody can help me. You can't help me. Even death doesn't want me... So this song won't happen for some time. " Len (scared): "What the hell should that mean?!" Melody: "The topic is closed until further notice. What did you want? " Len: "You don't want to talk about it?" Melody: "No." Len: "I will leave tomorrow morning and go to hometown, I have to finish something, and day after I come back to practice for the concert." Melody: "Of course, everyone agrees that you are a great keyboard player and that you will succeed. I am glad for that." Len: "Okay. Do you want me to stay here with you tonight?" Melody: "Go and rest, I'll go to sleep too. I'm so tired and ... I can't wait to sleep ..." Len left the house.

 Melody laid in bed. Crystal tears from her green eyes fell on the indigo blue pillowcase ...

 A mild headache wakes Melody. Still, nothing hurt much like her arm. She decided not to do anything today. She will listen to music. She will work out. She will cry. And no one will see it. She only wore a wide, white sleeveless shirt that completely uncovered her arms and tighter shorts. She looked at her arm... her arm half-covered with a bandage. She had to change the bandage. Oh, dammit, how it hurts! The bandage hide a big, deep cut. It bled. She only commented: "And now you want to bleed?! You betrayed me yesterday!" and then put a bandage on it.

 Melody played music and started exercising. Two or three exercises, a little pause... And so go on...She decided not to drink alcohol today at all. She won't even eat. She can't. She didn't eat yesterday either. She does that again. On purpose. Exercises. Music. No ending.

 In the afternoon, Melody climbed into bed and melodic music rhythms were replaced with a melachonic music. A small, sharp object again in her hand. Blood shapes, bloody lines of various shapes and thickness were formed on the arm. Blood drops dyeed a white cotton towel, but some drops found the way to the Melody's shirts. The tears were falling too ... Hunger put her to her sleep.

 She woke up about two o'clock in the morning and took a few sips of yogurt. She was ready to go to the concert rehearsal about eight AM.

 The rehearsal began. Stanley began: "Melody, what's up with you today? You sing like you've swallowed potatoes!" Melody thought- "Yeah sure, I'm avoiding potatoes." Stanley (continues to shout in front of the stage): "More energy, Melody! Many are complaining about it!" Melody: "I don't give a damn to anyone who is complaining, that's it! Better shut up, I have a lot of negative energy and I'm not afraid to use it on you!!!" Stanley: "I'm just trying to upset you. Your songs are anger!" Melody (through teeth): "My songs are not anger but depression."

 They continued with the rehearsal... Until Melody suddenly collapsed on stage ...

Chapter V

 Melody didn't stay in the hospital for a long time. Doctor done conversation with her: "You collapsed because of the exhaustion. Have you been working a lot of these days?" Melody: "I do not stop with the work." Doctor: "Your blood analysis shows iron deficiency, but other minerals are in deficit too... Glucose is also low. We suspect you are starving yourself."

 Melody: "I know. Anorexia. I already had that disorder. At time bulimia too. Big deal. " Doctor: "Melody, you will destroy your health!" Melody: "I know. That's what I want." Doctor (shakes his head): "I'll write you a guidance to psychiatrist." Melody: "Don't bother. I will not go. I do all this for a reason." Doctor: "What reason? Because of career and publicity?" Melody: "Of course not! I'm doing it because I'm ruining myself. TILL THE END. Goodbye, I'll be fine, or at least... Forget it, it's not your problem."

 She returned to the rehearsal and continued her praticing. Len was with her all the time and prevented her from continuing with rehearsal, but one "Doctor said that I am fine" succeeded in persuading him.

 Len went home with Melody. The paparazzi took pictures of them, although the two didn't care- they were together, would that change something?

 Melody felt much better... As if nothing had happened. She was next to Len and watched the television. Len: "Since that kiss was your first... then I guess you've never ..." Melody interrupted him: "No. (nervously) I'm not for it ..." Len (completely turned to her): "Maybe I can change your mind. What do you think ...?" Melody (still nervous): "No, no... no!" Len: "You're afraid? You're twenty-five years old and..." Melody: "Almost ten years." Len: "What is it?" Melody: "Look. (pulls up the sleeve up)" Len: "What is this ?! From what ?!" Melody: "I've been self-harming for nearly ten years."

 Len was blatantly said shocked. Melody: "I lost weight because of anorexia a few years ago, and the symptoms of depression started in the elementary school... then the first suicidal thoughts came in. I tried to take my life several times... I started to self-harm... yes, yes, my songs have a deeper meaning! Yes, they speak about the thoughts, feelings and life of a pathetic person who wrote them! I secretly say that I AM FALLING APART, and it's been for a years. These songs were created then (her eyes filled with tears, she continues to talk) I hate myself, I hate myself and my damn hopeless life... I love you more than myself, that is why I waited so long... I don't want to get you into the net ... I'm a fly trapped in the spider web ... the spider already ate my wings ..." Len (numb):" Do you still have alcohol ... any kind? I think that I need it."

 Melody (after taking a drink for Len and herself): "That's the whole story. Will you leave? I won't be angry, really. You don't have the need to be with a mental patient." Len: "I'm not sure what to do... "Melody: "Go. You don't have to be here. We'll be friends." Len:"You want me to leave you alone ?!" Melody: "Yes. That's the best." Len: "Tonight ... the best thing is staying with you, I'm afraid you would hurt yourself." Melody: "I'm programmed to death. I hate this life... damn it with both of us... nothing will change your departure. I WILL DO IT ANYWAY. So go. You're talking to a future deceased. I'm guilty for telling you everything... I'm hating myself! (hitting her arm) God, why? Why am I alive ?! Only one damn wish! I want to die, I want to die..." Len (hugs her): "Calm down. Come on, let's go. Your room is up? " Melody: "Yes ..."

 They went there. The room was with blue and purple walls and indigo bedding, a bloody towel and a razor blade stood on the nearby table. Melody looked at Len and asked, "Will you put me in bed? I know to fall asleep alone, don't need help for that. " Len: "I'll sleep here in your room. Next to you." Melody (surprised): "Are you ..." Len interrupted: "...  I'm sure. I know you're going to ask me that."

 That evening Melody couldn't do anything ...

Chapter VI

 Concert. Melody is doing her best to everything sound perfect, trying to concentrate on the lyrics. The lyrics are long, it's sometimes difficult to remember what is going next. She made it through whole concert... Even answered on questions from journalists after it...

 There were many questions about Len. Melody said that she can't say they are in the relationship, because she doesn't see it as a relationship of two lovers, but rather as a very intimate friendship. One of the questions was: "And did something more happened?" Melody:" No, it's not in the plan, and I don't want anything more. That's it. Ask other questions."

 Question: "A few days ago, you fainted at a concert rehearsal, is it true that you are starving yourself? Everybody noticed that you were a bit thinner." Melody (indifferent): "I don't know how such an idea can come to someone's mind. I've lost weight because these rehearsal are hard. I'm not starving myself. " Question: "And what are the plans for a new CD?" Melody: "It's coming out in a couple of days. I'm telling you, they're already ready and now I'm just publishing them." Question: "Will there be more of these dark songs?" Melody: "Much worse than that, although this current song is in the range with them. The next CD is more in the style of the previous album, the next is brighter. The last one is the darkest. " Question: "The last one?! In what sense?!" Melody: "... For this year. You know... the end of the year..."

 After that, Melody went to the wardrobe and fainted again.

 The same procedure, the same doctor, the same excuse for Len. He didn't trust her. Now he knew.

 On returning home, they stopped at the store, stopped to buy something for Melody. Len: "Melody, I'm buying some food for you. I think you need meat for the blood. What type of meat do you eat?" Melody (revolted): "I don't eat meat, no one type!" Len: "Cereals?" Melody: "No." Len: "Fruits?" Melody: "Not again." Len: "Vegetables?" Melody: "I stopped eating even what I was eating." Len: "Eggs, cheese?" Melody: "No." Len: "Do you eat ANYTHING?" Melody: "Yogurt." Len goes to the yogurt raffs and chooses one. Melody (replaces it with another): "You took the wrong one, that's 2.8% of milk fat, I drink this 0.5%." Len: "Is that all?!" Melody: "Yes. Basically. Oh, yes, and alcohol. When I take yogurt, I don't take alcohol and vice versa." Len: "This is insufficient!" Melody: "It is for me." Len: "I really don't understand how you're surviving- judging by this board, even if you drink a liter of yogurt, that's not enough." Melody: "Um, yes ... but alcohol has a lot of calories. That's how I survive."

 Night. Melody was alone at home, she didn't have the will for anything. Four-hundred-thirty calories. Len forced her to drink the whole yogurt, as if it would help.Well,vit won't... because it ended in sewage... Lucky for Melody (or an accident, as one interprets), Len didn't hear the vomiting from the bathroom after the taken yogurt...

 And so, the exhausted Melody didn't have the strength to do anything except to crash into bed and sleep... until the new day.

 New responsibilities started. The new project: Show where Melody will sing her songs and at the same time count down the days to their twenty-sixth birthday. Melody was depressed because of her birthday, she wanted to never celebrate that birthday. However, she accepted the project. Show started the first day of the last month of the year. An ideal opportunity to present new songs and remind of old ones. She tried to keep her mood during the show even under the price that after it she feels like the last loser on the planet.

 She moved away from Len after his birthday, realized that he deserved better.

 Throughout the day exercise, the minimum amount of food, alcohol. In the evening, smiling and with face covered with makeup, Melody shone in the show. She was falling apart even more. Her psyche was dying. Breaking. Screaming inside her. At night, she wanted to cry,  but she couldn't, like someone stole all- tears, screams, smile... Albums were coming out, all the songs were premiered in the show. There were no concerts, guest appearances in other shows, not even journalists, she rejected them all with the words: "I totally dedicate myself to the show."

 She lived those two or three weeks... like a zombie. No, how to separate the reality from the dream? Maybe it's a dream. Maybe it is not. The whole life is one maybe. As Melody announced, the next album was not too gloomy ... More emphasis was placed on the voice than the streinght of music, the songs had a magic dose of the mystery. After them came the a cheerful album, everybody was fooled by the sentence "Phoenix returned back. "

 At the end of the month... There was a time. The promotion of one of the songs left people in a mild shock. The CD was released for sale. The last CD.

Chapter VII

 There was no more smiling Melody (fake happiness, she was breaking inside), there was a dark creature that sang even darker songs. She felt she was ready. She got a weapon.

 Several times Stanley said that she had changed a lot since they were shooting a video in her hometown. Her answer was- "You're not just crazy, Stanley. You're a complete fool. I'm fine. You see that glow in my eyes? (talking without thinking, after the last sentence looked at him closely) That's right, Stanley. We all have that crazy glow in our eyes. The glow of the killer. You're just a complete fool. I'm fine. I just got a little crazy. Nothing is wrong with me." Stanley:" You talk unrelated- what do you mean? Don't make me to send you to the clinic." Melody: "You can't. Nobody can." Stanley: "I can if you lost your mind." Melody (in deep voice): "You're going to lose your client, Stanley." Stanley: "You're changing a manager? Feel free to do this." Melody: "The day after tomorrow is the last show. It's going to be awesome. Children will not be allowed to watch this scene, take them away." Stanley: "I have no children, and I can't figure out what's in your mind. A provocative styling? You will not wear clothes ?What's the matter?" Melody: "Be patient. You'll see."

 The next day was her birthday. She took a lot of alcohol, who cares, isn't this the last time she drinks...

 The day after the birthday. The dark sky covers the city. The darkest day of Melody's life is here. Her wish will come true. At the end of the day, there will only be a verse: "Don't bring the flowers on my grave."

 Melody appeared in front of the cameras. Dressed completely in black, holding her left hand in her pocket, Melody began speech: "Dear viewers ... I managed to avoid telling the truth all these years... no, you do not know the truth. It's true I am starving myself. It's true that I wear long sleeves because of self-harming. (lifts her sleeve) This is my reality. The truth is, my songs are true. This is a suicide album. I've been silent because of the others, I know how the words can be painfull. I know that the words are not just words, it's someone's opinion. The opinion... creates a person.Words stay in the heart; even when these scars on my arm heal, these scars on the heart won't. I want to apologize to everyone. I'm sorry, really. I'm sorry to ruin your lives with my presence. If you forget me, I will not be angry. If I have insulted anyone... I am sorry. I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN. Take children away from TV. "

 In a trembling voice, Melody sang a fourth song from the album. At the end of the verse, "Don't bring the flowers on my grave", Melody... that melody... she disappeared forever.

 She pulled the gun out of her left pocket, put it on the temple and shot. They didn't have time to stop her, everything went on in seconds... and the blood flowed from her lifeless body for minutes. The cameras did not record the moment of shooting.

 Melody disappeared. Now, there is silence, no music anymore. Melody is gone... like a kingdom from a song.

 Melody is now dead. And all these people around her won't wake her up. The blood won't return to the veins. Only that remain are the memories of that soul whose name was Melody, because we are all souls wandering this world. We have names. We have specificities. But, the soul ... it is the center of every human. Mind... brain... it controls everything. The worst is when your own mind is plotted against you, you are trapped in your own cage... Nothing helps without real help.

 If you find yourself in the image of Melody, then I beg you to talk to someone... Don't let the mind pull you to the bottom... into the blood puddle...

The end
Suzana Ristic Suza
24.12.2013, the day before the age of majority