Blue Rose

Davne 2012-te godine, negde na početku treće godine srednje škole, napisala sam pesmu "Missed life" (Promašeni život). Izgleda da je ta pesma sada ipak mnogo istinitija nego što je delovalo u tom trenutku. Osećala sam još i tad da nešto nije pošlo kako treba, ali sada sa dvadeset-pet godina ta pesma ima mnogo jače značenje. Izgleda... da sam pogrešila u svemu.  Ne govorim ovde o standardnom ljudskom upoređivanju sa drugima i osećanju kao da naš život nije dovoljno dobar u odnosu na druge ljude, kao što je to obično slučaj, već o precenjivanju sopstvenih kapaciteta, pri tom mislim na zdravlje. U toku detinjstva nisam previše razmišljala o tome kako će se nelečenje tada tek blagih simptoma odraziti na budućnost, a ni odrasle osobe oko mene nisu uzimale to za ozbiljno, čak je u nekoliko navrata ispalo i da sam lažov jer sam konstantno pričala da sam bolesna/prehlađena, a zaista i jesam bila. Možda mi je to do neke mere usadilo potrebu da me neko shvati za ozbiljno, makar i moral

  Posting songs I am working on for years, praticed for more than 8 years and didn't want to let my voice get wasted. Music is the most personal way of expression for me, that's why it's so important to me and I would feel like a failure if I don't post at least Acapella versions of it. Started new article so I don't put everything into the first one, but out there are some nice songs too 😊 (it feels so weird when I have to speak good about me or my work. But yeah, there are some songs I freaking love). Soulless The Best Mystery of tears Sparkles of love Preachers Creatures of insanity Corpse Mark Ice Roots Misanthrope Forest Free my spirit Fight for peace Depressive birthday song Rant No control in mind Missed life Nature Melody Ice mirror Ocean Strah Zarobljenik na slobodi Pohlepa Flying kiss

  I'm not someone who likes to share her private life on social networks, partly because I'm not a socially active person and I don't leave the house often (and no, no matter what others tell me I wouldn't change that, activity of socialization drains a lot of energy even in small doses), and partly because my life is quite reduced to the inner world, which I prefer to eventually share in stories, indirectly. Certainly, since I am not (I hope not) selfish, then there must be social interactions in my life, and I try as hard as I can to show that friendly side, regardless of my introversion, although I am most sincerely annoyed by the situation of so-called "flirting" through messages, especially since I always emphasize that aspect of life does not interest me in real life. I consider superficial conversations a waste of time, but I guess society is used to that system where there are no discussions on a topic or conversations about deeper feelings, it seems t

   Nisam neko ko voli da deli svoj privatni život na društvenim mrežama, delom zato što nisam socijalno aktivna osoba pa i ne izlazim često iz kuće (i ne, ma šta mi drugi pričali ne bih to menjala, aktivnost socijalizacije mi crpi puno energije čak i u malim dozama), a delom zbog toga što se moj život dosta svodi na unutrašnji svet, koji preferiram da eventualno podelim u pričama, indirektno. Svakako, pošto nisam (nadam se da nisam) egoista onda u mom životu ipak mora da bude socijalne interakcije, te se trudim koliko mogu da pokažem tu prijateljski nastrojenu stranu bez obzira na svoju introvertnost, mada me najiskrenije nervira situacija tzv. "muvanja" preko poruka, naročito jer uvek naglasim da me dotični aspekt života ne interesuje u stvarnom životu. Smatram površne konverzacije gubljenjem vremena, ali predpostavljam da je društvo naviknuto na taj sistem gde nema diskusija na neku temu ili razgovora o dubljim osećajima, izgleda da smo se svi otuđili jedni od drugih. Meni